Confuse tickling rejection with personal rejection?

[Mac]

Does anyone else here ever confuse tickling rejection with personal rejection? I KNOW that some people don't like tickling and to others, it neither here nor there. In fact, thats probably how it is perceived by the vast majority of the population...its just something that occassionally occurs, is fun, but certainly of no importance. But to me, and I am sure most everyone here, it is very personal. Though very, very few people know this is an actual fetish to me, many people know I enjoy tickling feet, always playing and teasing and that my feet too are extremely ticklish and something I enjoy, though more in a "please don't-please do" kind of way. I'm a playful person and it just fits in with my personality.

When I tickle someone's feet, to me, it is an expression of affection. I'm not necessarily talking sexual here nor deep seated love. Believe me, that too has a place in all this. But often, just within friendship, tickling is an expression of affection to me. And when someone tickles my feet, I perceive it the same way...again, not as love, but friendship and affection. But I can't seperate the two.

Right now, my heart is breaking and soooo heavy. I've got a friend who would always play that way. She would let me tickle her feet, even though she was not overly ticklish. I could be in a bad mood and she would offer me her foot and my heart would melt and she knew it. She would let me tickle her cause she knew it would cheer me up. And she would occasionally tickle my feet. But now, all of a sudden, she don't want me messing with her feet. There has been tension between us over other issues but this part has hit me hard. And its not just her...this has been an issue for most of my life with other people.

I know it makes no sense, but when someone rejects me playfully tickling their feet or want nothing to do with mine, it hits me personally, my feelings, rejecting me as a person. Again, I KNOW its not logical, but does anyone else have a hard time with this? I just went through this today and my heart is breaking...

Mac



My problem is, I can't seperate it from personal rejection.

 

[Babbles]

It's most likely not personal rejection

This is one big reason I was and would remain an "Observer" at a NEST/gathering; I'm not into public tickling and would find it very difficult to say no to someone after telling others yes, as this would likely be the interpretation,
when it just might be levels of *familiarity that would cause a person to say yes, or no, rather than anything personal...

But from the information you present it seems your lady friend just isn't in the mood -- I think you implied she's not normally into it anyway? Or just not all that sensitive? -- And if it was a long, tiring day, and/or she's irritated, the LAST thing she'd want is a foot tickling if she's not into this....

I don't know what transpired between you, but if there's "tension" (of any/various kinds) it makes sense she might not want foot tickling -- Again, I can see how that (tickling) could be irritating. And all this might just be temporary, until the "tensions" are worked out --- It's difficult to say of course, not knowing the story (which is your business of course).

Hope you'll excuse my babbling here -- With others as well, offering your feet to someone can be a little uncomfortable, actually, as not only is it (slightly uncomfortable, or worse, if someone's not into it) but they might be self--conscious about their feet, or their reactions, so denying you that most likely has nothing to do with you personally (it may just be too personal a matter for them to share).

And as I'm a bit of a zombie at the moment I'll end my 2ce here - Hope you feel better & that all this turmoil gets ironed out with your friend very soon!

 

[NavelTickler75]

I would guess it might not be personal

Tension could have brought this up to the point where she wants a trial to cool down, and letting you tickle her, might bring up some issues she might have, or you I dont know.

I know I once or twice got hurt when I wanted to tickle some one and they told me no, though I meant it only in play. But after a cooling off period I got over it. Perhaps Its all you need too?

 

[Sammi-chan]

I do sorta know what ya mean. I've encountered people before who I really wish would tickle me, and sometimes they don't take the hint. But I often don't ask them outright because if they say no, then that might hurt some. Even though I know they don't mean anything personal by it, part of me feels like they rejected an important part of who I am.

There's no take it or leave it here. That's just stupid. I'd rather have a friend who didn't tickle me than no friend at all. So I hope things smooth over a bit and you two can stay friends. And if that's the case, just know that it's not you. It's just not something she wants.

 

[the wiz]

Someone i thought was going to be a life long friend of mines has just told me she has a problem with me tickling her feet or even thinking about them. I used to her for over 10 years, never had a problem with it, never showed a problem with it.

Now, she said that she feels uncomfortable with me even bringing up the subject in jest. it's been 90 days since we last spoken; she will not return my merry xmas or happy new year txt.

 

[OnnaOtaku]

When I reject someone for tickling it's because I am taken and we consider it cheating if done or because I am not interested at all since I am 95% ler and I am pretty particular about who I tickle. I suppose that last part could be seen a personal, but tickling and just being friends with someone is completely different.

 

[lespieds]

Well if someone has a problem with another, they probably don't want to be touched in any way.

MAybe the reason you take it so personal is that this tickling is really important to you. It would be like having a non-ticker friend who no longer wants to hug you when you meet. Maybe to some, tickling is a form of affectionate hugs? [Not like the obligatory hug you give to your Aunt Olga]
I know this is probably not helping your feelings, but I am saying what it may be that causes you to feel so bad.

On a side note of this - it really sucks when someone just decides one day that they don't want to be as god of friends, after a pretty solid relationship of any kind. I wish I knew why some people do that. Maybe they hope for more than friendship and when they feel it is hopeless, they just say "hell with it" and give up.

But for my tickling taste - it is very sexual and a lover will know this, so if she would not tickle me, she would not do anything physical. I don't take the tickling part personal. It is just part of a whole.

 

[Capnmad]

Mac, maybe you can't separate it from personal rejection because it is in part, personal rejection -- or a manifestation thereof. You said yourself there's been "tension between (you) over other issues". That's problem number one, friend. Put tickling aside for a second and work on your friendship. I know it's something you'll miss, but ultimately, you'll miss the friendship more -- the tickling was just something that came with it.

What are these other issues and how are they making your friendship difficult? Start there first. If you focus on the tickling, you're missing the big picture here. Repair the friendship, and the tickling may return -- no guarantee, but that shouldn't be the issue anyway. You've got non-tickling friends, too, I hope, and cherish them as well. If she comes back but the tickling doesn't, don't sweat it -- you still have a friend. But if you focus on tickling and what you're not getting, you're pursuing a rather selfish path, you'll probably fail to address the substance that matters, and the friendship will likely soon be over. Work on the friendship. More often than not, honest effort for that is appreciated.

Good luck.

 

[Mac]

Thanks...

First I want to thank everyone who has responded. Some of you hit the nail on the head...and it may sound weird, but it is like a hug. Its very personal and just so much a part of me. But the tickle rejection feeling is just as if someone didn't want to hug. I also understand that is how I perceive it and not necessarily how the other person perceives it.

Anyhow, I talked to her today--not about the tickling--just trying to get things back on track. She is not an open person and it makes this all so much more difficult. I really don't know where we are at. This is definitely not a romantic or sexual thing with this individual, just someone I consider a very sweet friend that I would do just about anything for...except I am having such a hard time with the rejection. If the friendship survives, its a long road.

To Wiz...I can't even imagine. I'm the kind of guy who hates to brush things under the carpet or leave things unresolved. I like to hash it out and get it over with and move on. I think that is what is driving me so crazy about this whole thing.

Anyhow, thanks again.

Mac