FJSLikesTickling
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- Joined
- May 3, 2005
- Messages
- 44
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Some of you may have read this before. It was my old profile. It attracted dozens of admirers, none of whom were real. Here it is, back by unpopular demand: Coq Au Vin!
Coq Au Vin: A Seductive Culinary Journey (or Braising Birds and Raising Eyebrows)
First, in a heavy-bottomed pot, add:
Cook the bacon over medium heat until browned and the fat has rendered. Remove the bacon pieces and set them aside on a paper towel-lined plate.
Next: The Chicken.
Use a whole bird. Remove the legs, breasts, and wings with a boning knife. You’ll be left with a beautiful carcass.
Do not throw away the carcass.
Your grandmother survived The Depression on chicken carcasses and pig entrails. What would she think of you?
(For more creative ideas, consult the FetLife group: Men and Women Who Know How to Enjoy a Chicken Carcass. You’re welcome.)
Separate the thighs and drumsticks, and cleave the breasts in half. Season with salt and pepper. Brown the chicken gently in the reserved bacon fat. Set aside.
To the pot, add:
At this point, the room smells of bacon and sautéed aromatics. Your partner may call out, “Something smells wonderful, darling!”
Or they’re on their burner phone, talking to a guy named Johnny Chicago about crypto. Could go either way, depending on your life choices.
Now, pour in:
Go for a walk. Read a book.
Or scroll through endless pictures of feet, you sick fuck.
Later: In a separate pan—
Back in the main pot:
Transfer the chicken to a platter and cover with foil. Discard the bay leaves. Bring the sauce to a boil and skim off any fat. Cook until thick and syrupy. Stir in the mushrooms, onions, and their juices.
To serve:
Pour the sauce over the chicken. Pair with mashed potatoes, rice, or creamy polenta.
Or place the chicken on your partner’s chest and slather them with the syrupy sauce. But please do not slide into my DMs to tell me about it. Get to know a guy first.
(Note: Any and all institutions using this and/or any other adult site: I will not accept liability for sauce-related injuries resulting from this post.)
Finally, enjoy.
Completing a recipe of this complexity is no small feat. Share it with someone you love... and then guilt them into indulging all that weird kinky shit you’re into.
You earned it.
Coq Au Vin: A Seductive Culinary Journey (or Braising Birds and Raising Eyebrows)
First, in a heavy-bottomed pot, add:
- 4 oz thick-cut or slab bacon, cut into ½-inch strips or cubes.
Cook the bacon over medium heat until browned and the fat has rendered. Remove the bacon pieces and set them aside on a paper towel-lined plate.
Next: The Chicken.
Use a whole bird. Remove the legs, breasts, and wings with a boning knife. You’ll be left with a beautiful carcass.
Do not throw away the carcass.
Your grandmother survived The Depression on chicken carcasses and pig entrails. What would she think of you?
(For more creative ideas, consult the FetLife group: Men and Women Who Know How to Enjoy a Chicken Carcass. You’re welcome.)
Separate the thighs and drumsticks, and cleave the breasts in half. Season with salt and pepper. Brown the chicken gently in the reserved bacon fat. Set aside.
To the pot, add:
- 1 cup chopped onion
- ½ cup diced carrots
- 3 tbsp all-purpose flour
At this point, the room smells of bacon and sautéed aromatics. Your partner may call out, “Something smells wonderful, darling!”
Or they’re on their burner phone, talking to a guy named Johnny Chicago about crypto. Could go either way, depending on your life choices.
Now, pour in:
- 750 ml red wine
- 1 cup chicken stock
- 2 tbsp tomato paste
- 2 bay leaves
- ½ tsp dried thyme
- ½ tsp dried marjoram or oregano
Go for a walk. Read a book.
Or scroll through endless pictures of feet, you sick fuck.
Later: In a separate pan—
- Melt 3 tbsp butter
- Add 2 cups peeled pearl onions; cook until golden
- Add 8 oz sliced mushrooms; sauté until the liquid releases
Back in the main pot:
Transfer the chicken to a platter and cover with foil. Discard the bay leaves. Bring the sauce to a boil and skim off any fat. Cook until thick and syrupy. Stir in the mushrooms, onions, and their juices.
To serve:
Pour the sauce over the chicken. Pair with mashed potatoes, rice, or creamy polenta.
Or place the chicken on your partner’s chest and slather them with the syrupy sauce. But please do not slide into my DMs to tell me about it. Get to know a guy first.
(Note: Any and all institutions using this and/or any other adult site: I will not accept liability for sauce-related injuries resulting from this post.)
Finally, enjoy.
Completing a recipe of this complexity is no small feat. Share it with someone you love... and then guilt them into indulging all that weird kinky shit you’re into.
You earned it.
