Hi, Dex here. After verifying myself, I just said "eh, fuck it," and decided to write this post.
I've been on the TMF and similar forums for... a long time. I remember my first time looking up a tickle story, the "
" feeling that came with it, the "oh-my-god-this-is-the-greatest-thing-I've-ever-seen" feeling, a fire in my belly and an insatiable craving for more. More more more. Then I found chatrooms. *tickles your feet* was enough for my younger self to be sent into waves of lusty desire.
I was hooked. During class I'd be thinking about nothing else but the cybering partner I'd slink home to and chat with for 3 or 4 hours before dinner. Ever stay up until 4AM creating the perfect, most pristine roleplay scene? Because I have. Ever disguise yourself as a girl to do kickass f/f fantasies with a domme who was most likely a guy too? Been there. (frankly speaking, guys were always better at cybering in my experience. people with dicks know what people with dicks want.) Ever edge yourself so you wouldn't orgasm until it would shatter the heavens and earth? Done that. Ever get caught using a fake name, only to create another one so you can get another shot at that beautiful ticklee from California? Yup, fuck being ashamed to admit it. Did somebody say shame? Ever feel the shame from a 2-day cybering bender, realizing that you got nothing productive done and spent all your time looking at a screen, waiting, begging the computer to give you someone good to play with? That was me. When I was in cybering land, everything was fine. No need to worry about how abusively my parents spoke to me, no need to worry about how I was flunking pretty much every subject in college, no need to think about anything except the response from MsTicklez422 (not a real username as far as I know). I had all the control I could ever want. My little world in a messenger window was perfect. Until it wasn't.
Post-orgasm from masturbation would lead to insomnia, alienation from my offline friends, and a whole other host of problems I'm happy to answer questions about. I have family to thank for stepping in and making me get help, which I did.
15 years and hundreds of cybering partners later, with a stable home life and an amazing partner, I'm 8.5 months clean as of the date I wrote this. My outlooks on tickling, on kink, on sexuality, control, and so many other things, have completely changed. I have occasional tickle partners that I get to torture senseless, which they love every second of. I no longer really crave cybering or tickle porn, since it doesn't serve the same role as it used to for me, and I want to open up a discussion on the grand ol' TMF for this sorta thing. I noticed this type of addiction hasn't really been talked about much on the TMF (please direct me to any sources that say otherwise). For me it was a real affliction, which I'm SO glad to be out of. Well, the worst of it, anyway. I have a long way to go, just with how to cope with all of the various traumas I never asked for. I probably caused some people annoyance and stress. I don't think I was ever horribly assaultive or mean, but I definitely put my need for that hit of dopamine over the dignity of the human I was talking to on the other end. I'm sorry about that, and I never want to be that person to anybody else ever, ever again. So here's to quitting.
This is in no way condemning consensual cybersex or online roleplaying, nor will it ever be. Using media for sexual gratification is not inherently bad. Tickle stories are great. Videos are a lot of fun. And hot to boot. Addiction to these things is very real, too, though, and it took me a long time to get out of the hole it put me in. This rabbit hole goes very deep, and there's years of details that I'm happy to elaborate on, maybe some folks have had similar experiences to me, you never know.
Feel free to share your thoughts, experiences, opinions, anecdotes, and anything else you feel called to share. Please be kind, and feel free to share with anybody who might be dealing with the same issues, it's worth getting help if you're struggling.
Thanks for reading!
I've been on the TMF and similar forums for... a long time. I remember my first time looking up a tickle story, the "

I was hooked. During class I'd be thinking about nothing else but the cybering partner I'd slink home to and chat with for 3 or 4 hours before dinner. Ever stay up until 4AM creating the perfect, most pristine roleplay scene? Because I have. Ever disguise yourself as a girl to do kickass f/f fantasies with a domme who was most likely a guy too? Been there. (frankly speaking, guys were always better at cybering in my experience. people with dicks know what people with dicks want.) Ever edge yourself so you wouldn't orgasm until it would shatter the heavens and earth? Done that. Ever get caught using a fake name, only to create another one so you can get another shot at that beautiful ticklee from California? Yup, fuck being ashamed to admit it. Did somebody say shame? Ever feel the shame from a 2-day cybering bender, realizing that you got nothing productive done and spent all your time looking at a screen, waiting, begging the computer to give you someone good to play with? That was me. When I was in cybering land, everything was fine. No need to worry about how abusively my parents spoke to me, no need to worry about how I was flunking pretty much every subject in college, no need to think about anything except the response from MsTicklez422 (not a real username as far as I know). I had all the control I could ever want. My little world in a messenger window was perfect. Until it wasn't.
Post-orgasm from masturbation would lead to insomnia, alienation from my offline friends, and a whole other host of problems I'm happy to answer questions about. I have family to thank for stepping in and making me get help, which I did.
15 years and hundreds of cybering partners later, with a stable home life and an amazing partner, I'm 8.5 months clean as of the date I wrote this. My outlooks on tickling, on kink, on sexuality, control, and so many other things, have completely changed. I have occasional tickle partners that I get to torture senseless, which they love every second of. I no longer really crave cybering or tickle porn, since it doesn't serve the same role as it used to for me, and I want to open up a discussion on the grand ol' TMF for this sorta thing. I noticed this type of addiction hasn't really been talked about much on the TMF (please direct me to any sources that say otherwise). For me it was a real affliction, which I'm SO glad to be out of. Well, the worst of it, anyway. I have a long way to go, just with how to cope with all of the various traumas I never asked for. I probably caused some people annoyance and stress. I don't think I was ever horribly assaultive or mean, but I definitely put my need for that hit of dopamine over the dignity of the human I was talking to on the other end. I'm sorry about that, and I never want to be that person to anybody else ever, ever again. So here's to quitting.
This is in no way condemning consensual cybersex or online roleplaying, nor will it ever be. Using media for sexual gratification is not inherently bad. Tickle stories are great. Videos are a lot of fun. And hot to boot. Addiction to these things is very real, too, though, and it took me a long time to get out of the hole it put me in. This rabbit hole goes very deep, and there's years of details that I'm happy to elaborate on, maybe some folks have had similar experiences to me, you never know.
Feel free to share your thoughts, experiences, opinions, anecdotes, and anything else you feel called to share. Please be kind, and feel free to share with anybody who might be dealing with the same issues, it's worth getting help if you're struggling.
Thanks for reading!
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