Daily life getting a lil sus

[Bellylaughs]

As most of you know I'm a lee who uses tickling as a stress relief of sorts. I'm not out in real life and I act as if I have no idea what it is. On purpose, because I live around very conservative people.

I just started noticing a large uptick in mundane things that also somehow mention tickling, and I really want to say that I enjoy the fact that it's gaining I guess more mainstream recognition and acceptance but all I feel is terrified that someone is not only going to find out (my friends know and they don't care) but they're going to judge my /ENTIRE/ character based on this one stupid thing they know about me.

They don't know I'm a metalhead that would put myself in harm's way to increase the chances of a stranger surviving, they don't know that I'm aroace and would rather sit with friends around the fire rather than do literally anything with my or anyone else's nads. They don't know that I spoil my dog completely rotten with the best
foods and all the chewies she wants, and they don't know I bust my goddamn ass in the parking lot of a grocery store in extreme weather just so all y'all can shop.

I know I'm overthinking this but wise words are appreciated since I want to keep my job where I am, and my reputation honest, and I'm just a hair below panic not gonna lie.

 

[Tzing]

Hi Belly! I actually just found this advice forum for the first time. I'm mainly a lurker, and almost always just in the tickling discussion forum. But I happened here now and felt compelled to reply because I had to say this:

Your whole middle paragraph "They don't know..." is utterly beautiful.

You should be proud of yourself. I obviously don't know you. Or didn't, until you shared that wonderful glimpse. Now feel like I kind of do, in some small but important ways. You rock!

I also get it. I know the near panic of imagining people whom I'd never want to know will find out.. How it can grow from disquiet to awful. So, since you reached out for advice, here's what helped me deal with it:

1. It's probably nothing. The mind is suggestible, and so good at seeing patterns that it sometimes skews perception to find them when not actually there. And spirals out of control. FWIW, I've never been publicly outed yet (30+ years covertly pursuing my kink), so all the times I worried, maybe I didn't need to.

2. If it actually happens, it won't be the end of the world. It'll be momentary embarrassment and then over. That's easy to say, especially since I haven't been through it. But I've read so many accounts by people who have over the years. The common thread: things seem way worse to us inside our heads than they do to others IRL. So if it does happen, just smile, lightly say something like "Sure, I sometimes like being tickled." If you don't make a big deal of it, apparently others won't either. Maybe you've already experienced a version of that with your friends who know.