Demonic Letter- Send This To A Cancer Patient

[Mitchell]

Before I post this, I should disclose that it is about my father. So, if you dont want to read about him, please click this thread off. Today, the SOB sank to a new low.

Due to how he screwed my mom in the divorce, gave her no settlement, and kept her out of court with blackmail, for 20 years, my mom got him to agree to provide certain monies for our stay in NJ. Today, he fulfilled the committment, with the most demonic letter I've ever seen.

The check arrived, with a letter from him, typed in all capital letters, literally. The letter ranted about how.. "Neither Mitchell or you care, Sheila, but, I'm being monitored for heart issues".

The man is truly deranged! My mom and I "dont care"?. He sends a ranting letter to his ex wife, who was loyal to him for 21 years, and is undergoing treatment for cancer, and NEVER inquired about his son, who he was told had a seizure, and might have had a stroke!? I went ballistic when I saw the letter. My mom was tired from treatment, so she didnt want to discuss it. The last time he had heart surgery, in 2003, he banned me from the hospital, because I wasnt having a "relationship" with his wife, even though I promised I would be civil, if I came to the hospital for his surgery. He shows "caring", when he dumps his son, who is suffering because his mother is undergoing cancer treatment.

I must have been crazy when I agreed to see him in 2009, after he lived without me for six years. I wont make that mistake again. All I wanted to do when I got today's letter, is to smack him! Fine, let him not care about me. As long as he sends my mom's alimony, I dont care what he does.

Anyhow, thats all. Sorry to rant. Hopefully, besides this, the news is looking up. I know I have to try to forget about him, and just focus on my mom. I should be home three weeks from today. In the meantime, I just have to try and keep myself occupied.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

You're too busy bitching about him to care for about his health troubles.

He's too busy bitching about you two to care about your health troubles.

Can't all of you find a way to co-exist at least until you know nobody is going to die in the foreseeable future?

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, I see your point, but, its not me. When my mom has to contact him about her alimony, she is civil. He never is.

My mom cares about his health troubles far more than my father cares about my mom's cancer fight.. When my father had his heart surgery in 2003, my mom called him, and sent him a get well card. When my mom found out she had cancer in 2010, I had to prod my father to call my mom ,to say something human, and even then, my mom said my father was cold and nasty when he did talk to her.

The best thing is that Thank God I'm not seeing or talking to my father. My mom doesnt think he will ever ask to see me again. Im not so sure. I wont make the same mistake I did in 2009. If he asks to see me, henceforth, I will refuse. Heaven help him if he threatens not to pay my mom's alimony, as he has repeatedly through the years, even though no one asked him for any extra money.

Screw him. Hopefully he'll just deal with his health issues, go back in the woodwork, and leave me alone.

Mitch

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

...I haven't spoken to either of my parents in years; classic story, a simple fight that blew up and encompassed a lot more than it should have, things were said which couldn't be taken back and a short separation turned into an estrangement. I regret it every time I think about it, but I see no end in site to our mutual intransigence.


Every time I see that scene in Home Alone with the "scary" old shovel-man reunited with his daughter, it fucks me up.



Leo's right, methinks. Sometimes things are so important it transcends petty disputes and simple human emotions... I dunno you or your situation, Mitch, but I'd hazard a guess that your father would miss you if you went, and vice versa.

 

[ticklemepls]

it was kinda a bitch move by your dad, for sure- and by the sounds of it not in the least bit civil.

HOWEVER, if you felt 'forced' to send money for your ex wife/astranged son .... would you be happy about it? im not saying he was right, because it was a childish way of going about things, im just saying given the circumstances, his frustration is clearly what drove that letter to you two. put yourself in his shoes and see it his way- hes got an ex-wife he's already paying to, then an astranged son who wants nothing to do with him (and he can certainly pick up on that memo..) ... and he is kinda 'forced' into providing money that has nothing to do with alimony? i mean really? i'd be mad too... c'mon...


EVERYONE is at fault here- not just him....

(though still say its a bitch move and i'd wanna kick him, but hey.... what can ya do?... )

 

[Mitchell]

Rusty, I appreciate your point of view. I dont hate my father enough to wish him to pass. I dont think he'd give a damn if I passed, however.

Pls, I understand your point of view, but. I dont agree. First off, he wasn't "forced" to send the money. My mom politely asked him. Second, he's kept her out of court for 20 years, with blackmail, by threatening not to pay at all, if she goes back to court. She also received no property settlement in the divorce, so, in reality, he morally owes her something.. in her time of need.

My mom is trying to get me to calm down, and focus on her treatment. I was in a rage yesterday, but I'm slowly calming down.

Hopefully, I can get back to focusing on my mom and her treatment.

Mitch

 

[kis123]

it was kinda a bitch move by your dad, for sure- and by the sounds of it not in the least bit civil.

HOWEVER, if you felt 'forced' to send money for your ex wife/astranged son .... would you be happy about it? im not saying he was right, because it was a childish way of going about things, im just saying given the circumstances, his frustration is clearly what drove that letter to you two. put yourself in his shoes and see it his way- hes got an ex-wife he's already paying to, then an astranged son who wants nothing to do with him (and he can certainly pick up on that memo..) ... and he is kinda 'forced' into providing money that has nothing to do with alimony? i mean really? i'd be mad too... c'mon...


EVERYONE is at fault here- not just him....

(though still say its a bitch move and i'd wanna kick him, but hey.... what can ya do?... )

I'm going with this^

Mitchell, first of all, thanks for the "disclaimer" in your OP. If folks want to turn this into one of your old Mitch rants, they can do so on another thread because you told them what's up and if they don't like it, they can move on.

Other than that, you are a true work in progress.

Your mother is very sick; because of that, you are now sick and she's worried sick which can potentially make her even more sick. Do you see where I'm going with all this?

Your father has health issues.....okay. He's a man of a certain age, many of them have health issues. Besides, he's mean as a rattlesnake so that might be a part of his problem.

It doesn't matter what the circumstances are surrounding past issues with your parents, he's paying alimony and he's been paying it for a very long time. You say he's blackmailing your mother over court, I say you're lucky he hasn't gone to court to have the alimony reduced or removed by now. You both should just cash the check and leave it alone because she needs the money now more than ever.

You and your mother have enough to go through right now; why add to it with a person and situation you have absolutely no control over? Let him be the mean rattlesnake he always has been. As long as the check clears every month, why should you care what he thinks? Consider his caustic commentary a small inconvenience in comparison to what your lives would be like without the cash he provides monthly. You sure aren't going to get it all your way.

 

[Leo tickles]

I'm going with this^

Mitchell, first of all, thanks for the "disclaimer" in your OP. If folks want to turn this into one of your old Mitch rants, they can do so on another thread because you told them what's up and if they don't like it, they can move on.

Other than that, you are a true work in progress.

Your mother is very sick; because of that, you are now sick and she's worried sick which can potentially make her even more sick. Do you see where I'm going with all this?

Your father has health issues.....okay. He's a man of a certain age, many of them have health issues. Besides, he's mean as a rattlesnake so that might be a part of his problem.

It doesn't matter what the circumstances are surrounding past issues with your parents, he's paying alimony and he's been paying it for a very long time. You say he's blackmailing your mother over court, I say you're lucky he hasn't gone to court to have the alimony reduced or removed by now. You both should just cash the check and leave it alone because she needs the money now more than ever.

You and your mother have enough to go through right now; why add to it with a person and situation you have absolutely no control over? Let him be the mean rattlesnake he always has been. As long as the check clears every month, why should you care what he thinks? Consider his caustic commentary a small inconvenience in comparison to what your lives would be like without the cash he provides monthly. You sure aren't going to get it all your way.

^ Yup. As long as the check clears, keep your mouth shut and be happy. Until you and your mom learn to blame yourselves for at least some small part of what's going on with your dad, things are going to continue as they are until he dies. And if you're cool with that, take the money and don't bother reading the letters to avoid getting pissed because he's pissed because she's pissed because somebody else was pissed 10-20 years ago and never moved on.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

That's your father's selfish way of getting you to feel like it isn't worth the trouble to contact him for any more money.

I would just say thank you and keep cashing the checks for your mom. Even send a note saying that you hope he gets what he needs to improve his health- and stop giving him all of your energy. Your mother needs your strength and support. Anger and negativity, regardless of who it is coming from, is physically draining to her.

STOP- Just stop......... This isn't about you right now and his lack of fathering. That ship has sailed. It hurts, but you're grown. Your mother needs you. She can't bare your burdens and hers at the same time she is trying to fight and find healing.

You wanna go sit in the car or another room and cry, scream, curse.... do it. But don't do it around her. If she wants to talk about it, cool, but don't bring it up if she doesn't. Continue to get whatever funding he will give. Don't expect him to be nice about it, but don't entertain his nasty attitude and abuse either. "Hi Dad. Thanks for the check. Hope you're feeling ok. I'll call talk to you next month. Bye!"

That's it.

 

[kis123]

That's your father's selfish way of getting you to feel like it isn't worth the trouble to contact him for any more money.

I would just say thank you and keep cashing the checks for your mom. Even send a note saying that you hope he gets what he needs to improve his health- and stop giving him all of your energy. Your mother needs your strength and support. Anger and negativity, regardless of who it is coming from, is physically draining to her.

STOP- Just stop......... This isn't about you right now and his lack of fathering. That ship has sailed. It hurts, but you're grown. Your mother needs you. She can't bare your burdens and hers at the same time she is trying to fight and find healing.

You wanna go sit in the car or another room and cry, scream, curse.... do it. But don't do it around her. If she wants to talk about it, cool, but don't bring it up if she doesn't. Continue to get whatever funding he will give. Don't expect him to be nice about it, but don't entertain his nasty attitude and abuse either. "Hi Dad. Thanks for the check. Hope you're feeling ok. I'll call talk to you next month. Bye!"

That's it.

You notice the part in bold Mitch?

It's the crux of all of your issues; the source of all the rants we've been reading from you for years.

Maybe today is your day to see things as they truly are. No more ranting about an abusive uncaring father. No more making your mother out to be a victim when she's victimized you by putting you in the middle of their marital issues for decades. The damage both of them have done have all but emotionally and socially crippled you as it is.

But right now, your mother is very ill and needs you-you're all she has. Be there for her but at the same time, be there for yourself. Whatever your father says or does is his business; he's a grown man and can handle it just like you.

Now you can take the advice many have given you or you can continue as you always have. When your health puts you in a bed beside your mother, how much good will that do for either of you?

Please don't think I'm not empathetic or sympathetic towards your situation; I've told you before that being an only child in your position absolutely sucks. But from where I sit, I can't ignore what I'm seeing and you've been doing so well about keeping your father's issues off the forum. It's not going to make you feel better and it won't help your mother one bit, will it?

 

[Mitchell]

kis, Sun, while I understand both of your viewpoints, I want to make something crystal clear.

First, the letter was written to my mom, not to me. My father is not talking to me at all . My mom was the one who initially requested the money for the stay here. I havent said a word to my father.

If anyone is going to be the one to "Thank" my father, it will be my mom. I had a serious medical problem a few weeks ago, that could well have killed me. He didnt contact either my mom.. or me.. even once.. to inquire about my well being.

My fury now has to do with my father's attacks on my mother, when she is sick with cancer, and has nothing to do with myself. If anything, my mom is the one with the rage, about how he dropped out on me, and failed to provide emotional support when she got sick, and then his failure to contact me when I was sick a few weeks ago.

For myself: As long as my mom's alimony arrives every month, I could care less if I never see or speak to him again. I'm currently dealing with my own self blame, for being so gullable in 2009, by allowing myself to be sucked back into seeing him, believing that he "missed me, loved me, and thought about me all the time", as he wrote me on my 39th bday, in spite of having being estranged from me for six years at that time.

The financial issues regarding this matter are over. As for what happens down the road, that is between my mom and him. All that matters now to me is my mom's treatment, that the doctors take care of her condition, and that she survives well, for a long time. Besides that, the personal relationship between me and him is dead.

Mitch

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Then just intercept her mail and throw his letters away. Have his emails to her forwarded somewhere else.

Seriously! He isn't really worth the emotion. Cash the checks, if they stop coming, go to court. How far does blackmail go when you are battling a life threatening illness. Who is really gonna believe him?

 

[c7_assassin]

Here's what I'm seeing:

The letter ranted about how.. "Neither Mitchell or you care, Sheila, but, I'm being monitored for heart issues".

The man is truly deranged! My mom and I "dont care"?.

As long as my mom's alimony arrives every month, I could care less if I never see or speak to him again.

So...

 

[kis123]

kis, Sun, while I understand both of your viewpoints, I want to make something crystal clear.

First, the letter was written to my mom, not to me. My father is not talking to me at all . My mom was the one who initially requested the money for the stay here. I havent said a word to my father.

If that's truly the case, why do you know about their exchange. It's time to tell mom that whatever conversation/communication goes on between the two of them is between them only and NOT YOU! Why are you allowing yourself to be anyone's emotional garbage can? That's the root of the problem; you're the man in the middle dealing with their stuff. After they get finished dumping on you, they feel better, but you end up feeling like shit. It's gone on so long, I bet you don't remember when it started or the last time you didn't have to hear about it.

I'm not trying to diss your mom, but I'm sorry, she's created a lifetime of mess for you to endure. Now that she's ill she needs to focus ALL of her energy into getting better. If you father pays the extra money, fine but he's not obligated to do it so stop getting angry with him. It's not like you don't have enough to legitimately be pissed with him about.

If anyone is going to be the one to "Thank" my father, it will be my mom. I had a serious medical problem a few weeks ago, that could well have killed me. He didnt contact either my mom.. or me.. even once.. to inquire about my well being.

Did you expect any better Mitch? You did, didn't you? Sounds like your issues with your father are nowhere near dealt with so please don't fool yourself into believing the opposite.

My fury now has to do with my father's attacks on my mother, when she is sick with cancer, and has nothing to do with myself. If anything, my mom is the one with the rage, about how he dropped out on me, and failed to provide emotional support when she got sick, and then his failure to contact me when I was sick a few weeks ago.

It's no longer his job to provide emotional support to her anymore; be happy for the financial support and deal with the realities of your situation. The sooner you do, the less stress you'll have in your life.

Notice the bold again, it's her rage to deal with. She should spend that energy fighting her cancer and not your father. Is it going to make him change? Is it?

For myself: As long as my mom's alimony arrives every month, I could care less if I never see or speak to him again.

You haven't sold me on this at all, but if you say so..........

I'm currently dealing with my own self blame, for being so gullable in 2009, by allowing myself to be sucked back into seeing him, believing that he "missed me, loved me, and thought about me all the time", as he wrote me on my 39th bday, in spite of having being estranged from me for six years at that time.

Hey, I believed my father every time he told me he loved me (right after the verbal and physical abuse was all done) until I got smart enough to realize he was a sociopath who wasn't going to change. What he was offering me wasn't enough so I moved on with my life as best as I could until my mother was dying and she told me to tell him.

Did my father come to see his dying ex wife? Nope. The miserable son-of-a-bitch didn't even come to her funeral which was the last I ever spoke to his sorry ass until he died in 2001. In other words Mitch, when I was done, I was done. No look backs, no nostalgia wishing "if only." Completely done!

You aren't done by a long shot but you need to be. Close the book, deal with the emotions, and keep moving on with your life. You were duped and suckered into believing that he changed, I get that. But he hasn't and won't ever change so please move forward with your own life.

The financial issues regarding this matter are over. As for what happens down the road, that is between my mom and him.

I wished I believed that too but you'll always be there stuck in the middle until you tell them both what they need to be told. You won't do it until you're ready and I'm not sure when that is.....but they both need to know where you stand on their foolishness sooner than later.

All that matters now to me is my mom's treatment, that the doctors take care of her condition, and that she survives well, for a long time. Besides that, the personal relationship between me and him is dead. Mitch

1-I hope your mother becomes another cancer survivor; she's a tough bird and has a lot of life and living left. She'll do much better when she releases the bitterness towards your father, but that's her decision to make.

2-Notice the bold......I don't believe it for a second. You need to get honest with yourself and get the help you need to really get healed.

I'm sorry if I seem harsh; I certainly don't mean to. But I won't sugarcoat you or play around with this. You need a healthy dose of reality coupled with personal responsibility so you can deal with this matter honestly and openly. Only then will you be at peace and the forum rants cease.

 

[Mitchell]

kis, you are wrong about one important thing.

I'm typing in capitals to emphasize, not to shout.

You said "SHE" (My mom) created a lifetime of mess for me to deal with.. About this you are 100% wrong! My mom didnt threaten to send a hit man to my college campus to kill me, didnt leave my complex income taxes undone for 12 years, so I couldnt work or go to graduate school, didnt threaten to leave and throw me in the street from the time I was a child. My father did all those things! EVERYONE in the legal system who met him, from his ex business partner, on down, said he is the worst man, and worst father, they had ever seen in their lives.

You are right about one thing, and this is my fault. The forum rants do need to cease, and they will. I'm convinced that no one can understand, unless they are standing in my shoes. Henceforth, even if God Forbid my mom worsens, or dies, I shouldnt post it, because, depending on my situation at the time, I really dont want to get opinions that would be harsh, at my time of need.

This thread, like others, will die., My lack of self restraint costs me, dearly, often. I need to remedy this.

Mitch

 

[kis123]

kis, you are wrong about one important thing.

I'm typing in capitals to emphasize, not to shout.

You said "SHE" (My mom) created a lifetime of mess for me to deal with.. About this you are 100% wrong! My mom didnt threaten to send a hit man to my college campus to kill me, didnt leave my complex income taxes undone for 12 years, so I couldnt work or go to graduate school, didnt threaten to leave and throw me in the street from the time I was a child. My father did all those things! EVERYONE in the legal system who met him, from his ex business partner, on down, said he is the worst man, and worst father, they had ever seen in their lives.

You are right about one thing, and this is my fault. The forum rants do need to cease, and they will. I'm convinced that no one can understand, unless they are standing in my shoes. Henceforth, even if God Forbid my mom worsens, or dies, I shouldnt post it, because, depending on my situation at the time, I really dont want to get opinions that would be harsh, at my time of need.

This thread, like others, will die., My lack of self restraint costs me, dearly, often. I need to remedy this.

Mitch

Okay you see it one way and I see something different.

For starters, I already apologized for appearing harsh because that truly isn't my intention. It's to shake you out of this clouded funk you get yourself into whenever either one of your parents make you upset. And don't try to make me think your mom doesn't piss you off sometimes; no mother's a saint, sick or not.

You may never admit it out loud especially with your mother being sick but it always takes two to tango if for no other reason than the other party allowing the behavior to happen/continue. I've been married, and I've been there; my ex was a prick, but I stayed in the marriage under the guise of "doing it for the sake of the kids." I couldn't have damaged my children more by staying--I should've left when everything started falling apart. I did my children no favors by gutting it out.

Times were much different than they were for our parents. Even though my mother got out, most women in that age group either stayed or their options were incredibly limited.

As others who responded in this thread have mentioned, there is plenty of blame for everyone. Why did your mother not handle your father? How many times have you been her complaint/sounding board? Has she truly moved on with her life? How has that affected you Mitch? Are you trying to tell me none of it has rubbed off on you? Not in the least? If you're saying that than you are the strongest human being alive because it all matters over time.

If you don't want to post anymore, it's your choice; you're a man who's well grown. But don't try to dump all of it on me because I challenged you because that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm trying to help you; I've been there and my sisters are still there. They're emotionally trapped just like you are and my parents have been dead for years. I don't want you to live out your years like they have chosen to; in bitterness, unforgiveness, and emotionally stagnant.

You are stretched thinner than anyone I know right now but if you don't start taking some time to help yourself, you're going to end up sicker than you already have been.

No one's saying not to love your mother or care for her in her greatest time of need. I took care of my mom in my own home for most of the time before she died. But we had our disagreements and arguments; if she offended me I let her know and she did likewise. She had stage 4 breast cancer but was not that fragile where she couldn't tell me what she thought......and boy did she ever!

If it makes you feel better to be angry with me, it's okay; I'm a big girl and can handle it. But you know I'm not your problem right?

 

[sasaxrah]

You are right about one thing, and this is my fault. The forum rants do need to cease, and they will. I'm convinced that no one can understand, unless they are standing in my shoes. Henceforth, even if God Forbid my mom worsens, or dies, I shouldnt post it, because, depending on my situation at the time, I really dont want to get opinions that would be harsh, at my time of need.

Mitch, I usually steer clear of these type of threads from you. I just want to mention that you've said this before. Many times. Expecting a different reaction from the same actions isn't working for you. I think you were closer to getting what you wanted when you were posting in the Blog section. You're just choosing to make yourself more miserable. That is, unless you subconsciously enjoy the responses that disagree with you so you can refute them.

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

All that matters now to me is my mom's treatment, that the doctors take care of her condition, and that she survives well, for a long time. Besides that, the personal relationship between me and him is dead.

Then why did you post this thread?

I know your disclaimer said this is about your father and to stay out ...blah blah blah.
But..it's a public forum and you are posting in the general discussion (and not in your blog...) so...I'm responding.

I love how people in this thread are trying to help you and let you see things from both sides and yet you still deny, deny, deny!
I seriously don't get it.

I would LOVE to hear your father's side to all of this.
(I mean since I know so much about him anyways because you've pretty much said everything about him besides his address.)

Go ahead and let this thread die, Mitch. Just like you always do (after you respond 10 more times).
But I think you should really take the solid advice given to you--just this one time.

 

[Strider]

Responding to stuff like this is semi-unusual for me, but this is a subject in which I happen to have some personal experience.

It's entirely possible your dad is as big of a prick as you say he is. Let it go. There is nothing you can do to change him or his personality, and if you let unresolved issues from 20 years ago rule your life you will remain emotionally stunted, pretty much forever. I had as many issues with my dad as anyone, but I got over it by the time I was 20. You're 10 years older than me, so it really is time for you to move beyond this.

 

[Mitchell]

kis, while I know your intentions are well meaning, here are my thoughts to your post.

I have been my mom's sounding board, many times. As to whether she has "moved on with her life". She has had impediments that have prevented her from doing so, and.. as others arent standing in her shoes, they dont understand it.

You're right. I am stretched thin. I wasnt angry with you. I merely wanted to make my point.

Aimee.. this is my reply to you.

Through my time on this forum.. you have always made your snide posts.. for the purpose of attacking me, under the guise.. "This is a public forum, so I can post what I want"., That is up to Myriads and Jeff, as its their forum. During the year plus that my mom has been sick, you have NEVER posted to wish my mom or me well, , but rather do so just to attack me, and tell me you "want to hear my father's side". You are judge, jury, shrink, and Goddess. No one knows more than you. Lawyers, shrinks, etc, who have told me that my father is the worst man they have ever seen.. know nothing, and you know it all!

I never discuss what I post on this forum with my mom. This thread is an exception. I told my mom about it, and she is outraged. She's seriously encouraged me to leave.

I'm going to check this thread over the next couple of days, and then I probably should stay away from here for a while, and make a decision about what to do when I get back to Lancaster.

If I see threads where I feel I cant contribute positively, I just dont post on them. Apparently, not everyone feels that way.

Now, we'll see where this thread goes next.

Mitch

 

[Angel77]

Coming from someone who cared for her mother for years while she battled cancer, please focus on your mom and let everything else just slide.

Trust me. You'll be thankful for it later on.

Best of luck to you and your mom.

 

[Leo tickles]

Mitch, you doormat yourself to this forum by posting these as you do to your dad.

Use logic. This isn't a difference in opinion here, look.

If you never would have posted this, you wouldn't be upset, your mom wouldn't be outraged, right?

Now let's take something bigger- if you and your mom would just toss the letters and cash the checks, neither of you would be upset because you are not reading the words in said letter, right?

That is fact. So while I can't tell you about what to do with the forum or your dad, I can only suggest what common sense suggests.

As with me, I've been going through some shit as usual but I haven't posted here. You know why? Nobody gives two fucks about you or me. You know why? I tell people what (I think) they are, and you get yourself into situations that you could easily avoid.

I stopped putting myself through flame wars and actually took some select advice and shit got better... for a while anyway. Why not do the same? Nobody that suggests anything to you is against you or your mom. Nobody is suggesting you let your mom die or your dad is better than you guys. What people seem to be saying is to just ignore your dad and cash the checks that he provides. And in the end, if his words are the problem and they get ignored, there won't be a problem, will there?

 

[Mitchell]

Angel, thanks. I appreciate your sincerity. Unfortunately, due to situations that exist, everything else cant just slide. However, I can do two things. 1. Not post it here. 2. Wait until the proper time.

Leo, you are right. I made a huge mistake by posting this thread. In all honesty, most of the replies, except two, while honest, havent been mean spirited. Of the two that were mean spirited, one was removed, the other I replied to.

This thread will die, just as others have. After that, I really have to exercise self restraint in what I post on this forum. Hopefully after that, replies like a couple of the ones I've received cant and wont happen.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Responding to stuff like this is semi-unusual for me, but this is a subject in which I happen to have some personal experience.

It's entirely possible your dad is as big of a prick as you say he is. Let it go. There is nothing you can do to change him or his personality, and if you let unresolved issues from 20 years ago rule your life you will remain emotionally stunted, pretty much forever. I had as many issues with my dad as anyone, but I got over it by the time I was 20. You're 10 years older than me, so it really is time for you to move beyond this.

I feel you. I had it worse than many but not as bad as some. The key IMHO is independance. You can't help who raised you, but after 18 you're your own person responsible for your own life. If he truly wants this guy gone he'll stop taking the money and shut the guy out of his life and take responsibilty for his own financial situation for him and his mom. If he can't afford it count yourself lucky that someone is supporting you because for most of us the lyrics to "papa was a rolling stone" come into play "and when he died all he left us was a loan".

Take the cash and toss out the letters. If you do care about his health and he's just not a piggy bank let him know that you do in fact care. Meanwhile work on a plan to be your own man.

Easier said than done. But I've done it before going as far as joining the military to make me independent so I know. The situation is more dire for you seeing as your mom's health is in the balance so it's truly time for a cool and logical head. In mathematical terms your mom's health is a constant, your dad's relationship with her is a constant, your attitude is the only variable And you have more power than you think you do.

Make the tough choice: take the money and the drama or become independent and work hard for your cash.

GQ

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

Alright Mitch.
This is my last post to you--

First off:

I never discuss what I post on this forum with my mom. This thread is an exception. I told my mom about it, and she is outraged. She's seriously encouraged me to leave.

Okay...
Then Why:
From your thread entitled What My Father REALLY Did To Me

FYI, this whole thread was my mom's idea. I dont know why she advised me to post this. I should never have listened to her. I should have known the reaction it would get.

Second:

Through my time on this forum.. you have always made your snide posts.. for the purpose of attacking me, under the guise.. "This is a public forum, so I can post what I want"., That is up to Myriads and Jeff, as its their forum.

They aren't snide...they are honest and not what you want to hear so you take them as snide remarks instead of what they really are.

Every time I ask you why you post a thread you always ignore the question and then give me replies like this one. You KNOW this was the type of post for your blog. You know it. You've been told over and over again...vowed to never talk about your father publicly on the forum again. Well...you did it again, in the general discussion, and so therefore you can't get mad/upset/furious/aggravated when you receive replies you don't want to hear.

I know this is Jeff's forum. And I know Myraids has every right to delete what I've said to you...but I honestly don't think I said anything wrong. I never bashed you or anything like that. I simply stated the facts, stayed on topic with your OP, and told you to take the advice given in this thread.

During the year plus that my mom has been sick, you have NEVER posted to wish my mom or me well, , but rather do so just to attack me, and tell me you "want to hear my father's side".

I'm not attacking you, Mitch.
You are just turning whatever I say into something it's not and playing the victim.

And are you REALLY going to call me out for not wishing you or your mom well? Really? Does it matter if I say something? Is that going to change the way things are, Mitch? No. You want sympathy and I am not going to give it to you. It's not my place to say anything about you or your mother's health.

You are judge, jury, shrink, and Goddess. No one knows more than you. Lawyers, shrinks, etc, who have told me that my father is the worst man they have ever seen.. know nothing, and you know it all!

Are you seeing a shrink about your issues with your father?
Because it seems to me, if you are not, you should.
Posting here about him is obviously doing you no good.
I do know a lot of things...but not all.