Devastating Tickle

[tickling=feet]

I'm not lamenting and asking for pity to begin this thread with. This is simply a warning to those women and men who are happy with their relationship.

I had a love so deep that I never even thought or knew existed. Where is this going?

I made the worst mistake of my life and tickled another women. I convinced myself it wasn't cheating. Just tickling, no sex involved. What I had done was horrible and a violation of her trust. I told her about what happened and it ended our relationship. I didn't think about how special and private tickling was to us. I'm upset I hurt her so bad. I'm glad I didnt just keep it from her. That'd be worse.

To finish, it know it's different for other couples. If it is consensual then I'm glad. If it isn't though, realize first what you are potentially doing to your loved ones and the lack of integrity. Realize what you are doing. Don't lose a love so pure for the biggest mistake of your life.

Heed my warning. If anyone else needs to talk about PM.

T=F

 

[piyr]

Sorry to hear that but thank you for sharing.

 

[ChicagoDavid]

Try her again in a few months. It’s worth a shot! There are a lot of guys out there, but not a lot of great ones. Maybe with a bit of time, she will forgive.

 

[tickling=feet]

Thank you guys so much for your support. It's comforting to know there are always good friends here on the TMF.

 

[AceOfTickles]

Wow...words fail me. I'm so sorry to hear about that. Honestly, hearing about this makes me feel like it had happened to me...reading this actually made me sad too. I really don't know what to say. Maybe if you give it some time, then maybe give her a heartfelt apology, she may forgive you. Time heals all wounds my friend. If she truly loved you, she'll forgive you. She probably just needs some time. I don't know if you're religious or not, and I don't know if this will be of any comfort to you at all since you may not believe in prayer, but I'll pray for you. Once again, I'm so sorry this happened. I feel for you.

 

[magic fingers]

I'm not lamenting and asking for pity to begin this thread with. This is simply a warning to those women and men who are happy with their relationship.

I had a love so deep that I never even thought or knew existed. Where is this going?

I made the worst mistake of my life and tickled another women. I convinced myself it wasn't cheating. Just tickling, no sex involved. What I had done was horrible and a violation of her trust. I told her about what happened and it ended our relationship. I didn't think about how special and private tickling was to us. I'm upset I hurt her so bad. I'm glad I didnt just keep it from her. That'd be worse.

To finish, it know it's different for other couples. If it is consensual then I'm glad. If it isn't though, realize first what you are potentially doing to your loved ones and the lack of integrity. Realize what you are doing. Don't lose a love so pure for the biggest mistake of your life.

Heed my warning. If anyone else needs to talk about PM.

T=F

Wow I'm sorry to hear that. Without knowing more about your relationship, or about your lady, I can only say that, maybe there's still hope for reconciliation, if the love and the relationship was so strong. Hopefully she'll give you a second chance.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I'm curious. Prior to this incident, did you and she at some point reach an agreement that tickling other people would constitute a violation of some kind? Because if that's not the case, you absolutely were not cheating.

 

[tickling=feet]

It was a special connection we shared and I always thanked and talked about how lucky I was to be free from my stigma and how I would tickle her not out of 'tickle torture' but out of the opening of my heart to her; I was completely vulnerable with her after so many years of feeling alone. I'm not going to say it didn't have a sexual nature of course. Like many, before her I felt terrified and alone with my fetish. Almost like my fetish couldn't be accepted into society. My own thoughts of course. I mean look at us all here sharing idea and views. I tried to talk myself out of the idea of cheating but it came down to the simple question: if I told her how would she react. That was the end of my 'justifications.' I knew it would hurt her deeply and it did. That's all I needed to know. I told her. This was the consequences of my actions.

 

[Oddjob0226]

I told her about what happened and it ended our relationship.

If she ended it over that then you are better off without her. If everything else was great, that is an insane reason to permanently end a relationship. Especially if you were not married. Who does she think she is?

I'm glad I didn't just keep it from her. That'd be worse.

No, it wouldn't be. If you did this, she didn't know, and things were still going fine between you two, then you keep it to yourself as you both enjoy the couplehood. Humans are human and will do dumb things; in relationships, if there is no malice or devious intent involved with dumb things, and no overt repercussions, honesty is often the worst policy.

God God - ESPECIALLY if tickling someone once was all that was involved. You didn't lose anything. She lost.

 

[Teal]

If she ended it over that then you are better off without her. If everything else was great, that is an insane reason to permanently end a relationship. Especially if you were not married. Who does she think she is?



No, it wouldn't be. If you did this, she didn't know, and things were still going fine between you two, then you keep it to yourself as you both enjoy the couplehood. Humans are human and will do dumb things; in relationships, if there is no malice or devious intent involved with dumb things, and no overt repercussions, honesty is often the worst policy.

God God - ESPECIALLY if tickling someone once was all that was involved. You didn't lose anything. She lost.

I disagree with that pretty strongly. If your relationship is based on dishonesty, then it's not a real relationship; it's always going to be weighing on your mind, and it will only be more disastrous once they find out that you've been hiding things from them. OP's girlfriend has a right to be upset - it was absolutely sexual and it's something intimate they previously shared only between them. It's a pretty poor excuse to start doing sexual things with other people and then say "but we didn't go all the way so you can't be upset!"

That being said, I feel for you OP. It was the wrong thing to do, but it was a mistake and you clearly feel very bad about it. I think you have a whole lot of courage for owning up to it and being honest, courage that most people probably wouldn't have. I don't know either of you so I can't say for sure, but I think you should give her time for her to forgive you. She's obviously pretty upset right now but once she has time to cool down and you give her an honest apology I think you should be able to let this be water under the bridge. Good luck!

 

[maniactickler]

Like anything else in relationships, its hard to tickle or be sexual with only one woman. men arent wired for manogomy.

 

[duderino84]

Yup, I gotta be careful I don't get any when I don't get any. What a hell of a thread. Touched my heart.....

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I disagree with that pretty strongly. If your relationship is based on dishonesty, then it's not a real relationship; it's always going to be weighing on your mind, and it will only be more disastrous once they find out that you've been hiding things from them. OP's girlfriend has a right to be upset - it was absolutely sexual and it's something intimate they previously shared only between them. It's a pretty poor excuse to start doing sexual things with other people and then say "but we didn't go all the way so you can't be upset!"

I'm sorry, but this is wrong on so many levels. First of all, had our friend kept quiet about tickling another woman, that would in no way constitute dishonesty. Dishonesty involves giving bad or misleading information. Withholding information does not qualify as dishonesty.

Secondly, the tickling described by the OP was not a sexual activity. So unless he and his girlfriend had some kind of spoken agreement, he was not cheating.

To Tickle=Feet: Though you didn't answer my question directly, I think I have a pretty good idea of where you're coming from, based on your comments.

You seem young and vulnerable with your feelings. Most of us have been there, and there's no shame in that. But now, it's time to man up and assert yourself. Your message to her should be, "Honey, I'm sorry you were hurt by what I told you. I can't take it back. I feel that you and I had something special, and I still want that. But I'm done groveling. If you feel that your love for me isn't strong enough to survive this one little thing, I'll understand. No hard feelings. I wish you the best. But if you feel as I do, that we had something rare and special, then you know where to find me."

 

[Oddjob0226]

I disagree with that pretty strongly. If your relationship is based on dishonesty, then it's not a real relationship; it's always going to be weighing on your mind, and it will only be more disastrous once they find out that you've been hiding things from them. OP's girlfriend has a right to be upset - it was absolutely sexual and it's something intimate they previously shared only between them. It's a pretty poor excuse to start doing sexual things with other people and then say "but we didn't go all the way so you can't be upset!"

That being said, I feel for you OP. It was the wrong thing to do, but it was a mistake and you clearly feel very bad about it. I think you have a whole lot of courage for owning up to it and being honest, courage that most people probably wouldn't have. I don't know either of you so I can't say for sure, but I think you should give her time for her to forgive you. She's obviously pretty upset right now but once she has time to cool down and you give her an honest apology I think you should be able to let this be water under the bridge. Good luck!

No one said anything about a relationship "based on dishonesty". A mild slip-up....... which shouldn't be considered a slip-up in the first place ..... is nothing of significance to discuss. Especially if the lady love is dramatic enough to end a relationship over something like that. In which case, that's probably not a good permanent relationship

Besides that, most councilors agree with me - that's where I got the advice. The idea is: let's say, you cheated, it was temporary, it meant nothing in the long run, there was no complication with disease or finances, the other partner doesn't know, is happy, and the relationship is generally going well. And you're selfish enough to screw that up to relive yourself of guilt by ruining the person's sunny day? That's not honesty, that's self-indulgence. This person already had the fun of cheating, now this person also wants some relief from this burden that he imposed on himself. No. No no no no no no.

No one is ever totally honest in every relationship. Parents/kids, couples, bosses/employees.... we need those little white lies. We could not make it on total honesty 100% of the time; the world would be too ugly.

The honest thing for a cheater is to carry the guilt he imposed upon himself and let time wear it away. There is no need to ruin the bliss of the other person - and it is certainly not something she deserves because of his action - when the guilt is something he earned. Don't ask for release in someone else's bedroom, then ask for release from bad feelings at someone else's expense. You can't have everything you want, even if it is under the guise of 'honesty'.

And especially when tickling isn't even this, ^^ above ^^ ! The worst mistake of his life? Life must be pretty sweet for him, overall if that's the worst.

 

[BreastTickleGuy]

tickling=feet, your statement "I'm glad I didnt just keep it from her. That'd be worse." is what I disagree with.

Here are what I think are the two main mistakes you made.

1. You cheated on her. I think most agree with this statement, that you should have not cheated.

2. You told her. That is equally as bad a decision. Let me explain why. This might sound harsh, but I think it is true. Your statement "I'm glad I didnt just keep it from her. That'd be worse."


Telling her was basically a selfish act. Telling her only benefited you and your feelings. So, you cheat on her to satisfy your own pleasures and then you tell her because the guilt is tearing you apart? So now you feel better because at least you told her the truth, but by doing that you hurt her immensely. It isn't always about you. Think about her instead of just your needs and feelings.

People think they don't want their partners to keep secrets. They always list honesty as one of the most important qualities in a mate, but do they really want it all? If a guy does spill his guts and confesses his deepest and darkest secrets, then what happens? A woman changes the way she feels about the guy. She might think she wants to know if you've cheated, but she is much better off going through life being blissfully unaware. If she knows the details, she will let them run through her head over and over again until it drives the both of you crazy.

Relationships can't go backward . It’s too late. There are no “do overs” in love. Once Pandora’s Box is open there is no closing it and putting all the dirty secrets back inside. The relationship has changed forever. It will never be the same and will never go back to the way it was before you blabbed. She will never trust you again. Even if there is a “forgive,” there will never be a “forget.” She will always have doubt about you in the back of her mind.

 

[tickling=feet]

"The worst mistake of his life? Life must be pretty sweet for him, overall if that's the worst."

The worst mistake I made was hurting the woman I loved.

"You're selfish enough to screw that up to relieve yourself of guilt by ruining the person's sunny day? That's not honesty, that's self-indulgence. This person already had the fun of cheating, now this person also wants some relief from this burden that he imposed on himself."

9 of the 12 step program which I am apart of myself: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." I'm aware of this. I didn't tell her this to make myself feel better. Why would I want to hurt her to help myself? That is selfish, I completely agree. If she had been tickled by another man and didn't tell me I would have felt betrayed and would have hoped she would have told me too regardless of how well our relationship had been. That's just how 'our' relationship was.

"Here are what I think are the two main mistakes you made"

I didn't make this thread to have a debate about morality or have others tell me what I did wrong based upon their opinion. I simply wanted to open my heart and explain my situation to hopefully help someone who was in the same situation. I started by saying I'm not asking for pity and that it was only a cautionary tale. I'd rather have this deleted than become a discussion.