F/M tickling?!?! Help please...

[cal_tickler]

During the past few months I've been tying and tickling a gorgeous, sexy and smart woman-and she's been loving it! Introducing her to the tickling world has been absolutly amazing. She loves the idea, she loves the activity, and she even loves thinking about it! Basically, she's been amazingly open to the whole concept of tickling (reading and posting on TMF, researching via the internet, etc.). She's enjoyed the experiences greatly and can't wait to try it over and over again.

Since we've met, I've been the dominate one when it comes to tickling/bedroom activity-which I love. I've always been the dominant one in relationships when it comes to that. (no pun intended) But lately she's requested to tie me up and tickle me. So we tried it once and I was a bit timid. And I believe I'm a bit uncomfortable with this for a number of reasons:

1. I feel that if I let myself enjoy the experience that I may lose control of my actions. (giggling uncontrolably, begging for her to stop, jerking around on the bed madly and uncontrolably, slipping in and out of baby talk, screaming, etc) Basically, all the things I would LOVE to have a female do when being unmercifully tickled. Therefore I view these reactions as being a bit feminine.

2. If I come across as feminine I fear that she'll have a loss of attraction for me. (Showing signs of vulnerability, not being as strong/masculine as I seem).
The relationship is going very well (moving into the boyfriend/girlfriend stage), and I like where it's going. But I fear if I start showing signs of vulnerability that she won't want to pursue the relationship any further.

3. I won't meet her expectiations of what she's looking for. That she'll be dissapointed because I didn't react the way she was expecting.

Am I being old fashioned and worrying too much about how I'm going to react? Or do my thoughts actually hold some validity? I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this girl and I don't want to lose her. What should I do?

I'd appreciate responses from both women and men, lers and lees.
Thanks all!

 

[NJLaughs]

I know from experience that the best thing you could ever do for the long haul in a relationship is to be COMPLETELY up front right now about your thoughts and feelings in this. If your relationship is going to make it through hard times, you both need to understand where the other is coming from (also no pun intended). 😉

Talk with her, tell her your concerns and and find out from her what kind of response she hopes to get from tickling you. Maybe she WANTS to have you babbling like an idiot and giggling and she does not consider that feminine. Seems to me nearly everyone who is tickled, M or F, reacts that way. I know I can tend to, though I laugh hard more than anything.

Anyway, if you try to hide these concerns now and they come up later, it could ruin the relationship at that point, so get it out in the open and talk. Women appreciate and NEED open communication from men. Yeah, it can be scary and unnerving for us Alphas, but it makes everything a whole lot better in the long run. 🙂

 

[darvon96]

The issues that you listed really only translate to an increased level of intimacy. In a truly intimate relationship, there are no secrets and no judgments, only acceptance. From what you describe, she seems to have no problem sharing her vulnerabilities with you, the question is, are you prepared to share the same level of intimacy with her. You stopped short from using the word "Love" when you expressed your feelings for her. Perhaps you should only be asking yourself if you're ready for the next step in what seems to be a great relationship.

 

[LindyHopper]

First off, congratulations! I'm sure you're the envy of many people on this forum. 😉

As for your concerns:

1. On losing control: from my point of view (as a 'lee), that's one of the best things about the whole experience. In normal life, we're used to managing our behavior to create the impression that we want others to see. Losing the ability to do that is a huge release, and a thrill, and I hope you'll try letting yourself experience it sometime.

2. On coming across as feminine or vulnerable: I don't know your almost-girlfriend, but I'll bet that your masculine streak isn't the only reason she likes you. I'm sure there's much more to it than that. And speaking as a woman, having a man show vulnerability almost always brings us closer, advancing the relationship, not ending it.

3. On not meeting her expectations: well, you should ask her what they are. 🙂 But IMHO, the best reactions from anyone are the ones that are genuine. An honest reaction to tickling - whether it's laughing, screaming, begging, or something else entirely - is the sexiest one.

Hey - my first post! Congratulations on bringing me out of lurking. 🙂 (and is using ascii smileys too old-school?) Anyway, I should go say hi to all my old friends...

 

[lk70]

from female switch, leaning toward lee at the moment

I hope my rambling will help in some way. May not be as coherent as I would like, but here goes.

As I ventured OFF the internet and into real life meetings, I would ONLY ler. I was afraid of all the same things you are - though seeming feminine is ok, since I'm female, but the vulnerability thing- I don't do it well.

As a ler, I can tell you that I found nothing feminine or weak or unattractive in the men that I have tickled. If I already had physical, sexual attraction to him, it was not diminished in any way by his reactions. I'm saying- if she wants to ler, then she's going to LIKE those reactions.

Then I got brave because I met a ler who I instinctively trusted and I started to lee. No looking back now. For me, allowing someone else to tickle me after a really long period of no tickling whatsoever, was a huge thing. It took meeting the right person-someone who somehow had the ability to make me feel safe immediately. If you are progressing down such a great road with this woman, heading for a relationship, I'd say you've got your ler.

Your thoughts are valid- of course they are. Anything you think or feel has validity. For what it's worth, from someone who doesn't know you or her or really anything at all, my instincts tell me you should go for it.

Good luck.

 

[switchtickler]

Great Topic, my friend

Ahhhhh Cal-tickler,

By opening up and posting you are bringing out what I'm sure is a concern for so many people. Bravo for being so brave in discussing it and for being open to feedback from others.

Speaking as a woman, I can tell you that I also worry about this - not the seeming masculine (unless I've gone too long between leg-shavings) but about the deeper issue you bring up. Other posters have hit the nail on the head- it's intimacy. Fearing to be seen as too feminine when you're in a situation where you can't control your responses sounds like it's really about being seen as you truly are. No one can be cool and suave when they are being tickled! And of course, this is part of why we like it so. Just as we love to watch our lover's faces when they orgasm when they are with us. We *want* to see the real self of the person next to us in bed, in life. The act of discovering their humanity only intensifies our connection and attraction, because it gives us something to relate to and makes it safe for us to also reveal ourselves.

If this woman wants to tie you up and tickle you, she probably wants to experience the you that is a giggling, squirming, uncontrolled person. If she is 'smart' as you say, she's already figured out that that is what she is going to get by tying you up. . . if she is lucky! At the very least, she wants to know what your experience as a 'ler is like, which is part of getting closer to you.

What is for you to decide is not whether she can handle your uncontrolled side. She's interested, and ultimately whether she can handle it or not has *nothing* to do with you. What is for you to decide is if you are ready for that level of intimacy - of letting yourself be uncontrolled with her. There is nothing wrong, and many things smart, about checking in with yourself and making sure that you are game for being open to that amount with her. If not, it may take time, or it may not be the right person. You gut will tell you, just get to the deper level of your gut that isn't about fear. You can always start out lightly - going right into bondage is not for everyone.

OK, last thing. Talk to her. You're worried you won't react the way that she expects? What is the way that she expects? Ahh, I bet that you don't know. Is masculinity even a requirement for her of her lovers? How does she feel about vulnerability? Maybe it's a turn on! Either your worst fears will supply the answers, or she will. I'd tak to the girl - more fun.

 

[SemoreBellys]

You stopped short from using the word "Love" when you expressed your feelings for her. Perhaps you should only be asking yourself if you're ready for the next step in what seems to be a great relationship.

yeah, you should be careful with that word...

 

[OBleedingMe]

This all depends on EXACTLY how you feel about the situation.

If you feel being tied up and tickled is demeaning and humiliating and it doesn't turn you on at all, then don't do it. You are by definition a TOP (as opposed to a bottom) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don't let anyone tell you any different. It isn't "closed minded" or "chauvanistic." It's simply what you are and what you enjoy. Female tops are never called these names, and neither should a male top.

On the other hand, if you are just nervous about it, express your concerns. Try to work things out. If the idea turns you on, try to work past your personal barriers and go for it, because your fears are holding you back from an experience you both will probably enjoy.

If you are really uncomfortable with the idea but still want to do it, be sure to have a safeword in play. It's a word you say that means STOP. So for instance, if you're being tickled and for some reason you REALLY want her to stop and your safe word is "snake", you'd say "snake."

As for her feelings, I seriously doubt she will not enjoy it. You have a female switch (tops and bottoms) on your hands here, and she wants some payback. As long as you are really ticklish and not faking it, she'll have fun.

 

[TickledToDeath]

The women will give you a more accurate response and one that you will take and respect more HOWever........as much as women love dominant masculine men.........they also will find it very attractive that and when men show a soft side.
Being totally submissive is another story and there are women that find that repulsive but when a strong masculine domineering man has and is confident and secure within himself to show his soft side.......it will ONLY make her more attracted to you.

As for your reactions to her tickling you. Only YOU can answer that.
How ticklish are you and how do you react to prolonged tickling?
Your loss of control is what she is probably looking for when she has you in a vunerable ticklish position. (PUN INTENDED)

 

[Gentler]

I agree with what some others have said. Laughing, screaming, tears streaming down the face...these are all associated with ticklishness, which to the best of my knowledge and experience, doesn't discriminate by gender.

It's my belief that it takes a special quality in a man to willingly put himself through that. He's got to be confident in his masculinity without being cocky.

I've let Belinda tie me up a total of three times to date, and she's had me whimpering like a baby. At the end of the day though, she still loves me and thinks no less of me.

 

[sasaxrah]

From a woman's perspective, I find it pretty hot when my boyfriend is the lee. Girls don't need their men to be hyper-masculine all the time. It's fun to reverse the usual power dynamic.

 

[milagros317]

This thread is almost five years old, so the advice to the original poster is not likely to matter much any more--he and the woman he described may have married and divorced by now.

But to state my views in general, I agree with Sasaxrah. It is fun to twist, bend, and reverse the usual power dynamic.