I am very practiced at using my soft, silky full beard to tickle thighs, knee hollows, feet, toes, and other interesting places on the female anatomy.
I never whisker burned anyone; a good shampoo keeps it soft for days.
I keep it shaped so it resembles Ulysses S. Grant's beard on the $50 bill.
So yes, I look like a million bucks; all green and wrinkled.
But really, the main difference between my beard and Grant's is that his whiskers were straight while mine are naturally kinky (what else?)

but the overall shape of the beard is similar, and I do keep it both neat and soft.