Fear of meeting . . . .

[Closetlee]

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can over come this? i get messages from guys and girls asking to play and I want to but I can't seem to go through with it every time. I'll always manage to talk myself out of it, and then I'll go look up a story or a clip when I could have had the real thing. Anyone else have this? If so what worked for you?

~Closet lee

 

[Coffee]

Meet for something like coffee or drinks or meet at a diner. Someplace public where you can just chat and get to know the person and hopefully you will eventually feel comfortable enough to have some tickling fun with them somewhere some other time. Best of Luck to you.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

I have a hard time with this too. It takes me a long time to warm up to someone to the point where I'd be comfortable with meeting them. If it takes me months conversing with someone with PMs, IMs, and emails, then that's what I do. Give yourself time to get to know them online and when you feel ready, meet up with them for coffee or drinks, like Coffee suggests.

 

[socktickler86]

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can over come this? i get messages from guys and girls asking to play and I want to but I can't seem to go through with it every time. I'll always manage to talk myself out of it, and then I'll go look up a story or a clip when I could have had the real thing. Anyone else have this? If so what worked for you?

~Closet lee

What happens currently? How long do you get to know them before you decide to meet up and how comfortable do you feel just knowing them as a person right before you do decide to meet up?

 

[Tickleing_King]

Just hang out as friends, don't even need to bring tickling, you can talk about it a little bit. But just get a connection going. It's honestly not as bad as it seems. It's just the anticipation of it. I mean, I guess I can't say, I never met anyone here, but I imagine it's nothing different than just running into a stranger somewhere and just talking to them and getting to know them, eventually becoming friends.

 

[porcelaindoll2]

I've had a lot of play. This is what I do. First off I don't normally talk to people unless they have pictures of themselves in their profile or their message says they will send me one. I will not meet anyone if I don't know what they look like. Then I usually ask if the other person has an online messenger name. I usually want to talk to them for at least two weeks. If they have a web cam even better because then you know for sure what they look like. While chatting online I will ask them tickled related and non tickle related questions, so I can try to get a read on them. Trust me I've been able to spot creeps just by chatting online. If we keep talking and I think we will work then I set up a date. Never give them your full name or address! Always meet at a public place and hang out for a bit before play. Hanging out before play is another great way to get a read on a person. If you decided he is freaking you out then please leave. Your safety always comes first. If we meet and the hanging out was great then I'll let play happen. I personally like to have my play in a hotel room. It is mainly because I feel safer in one. He has paid for the room, so if anything bad were to happen to me; the hotel has all his information. Oh I also always let my older sister and best friend know where I am when I am playing. I usually tell then to randomly text me and if I don't respond by the next night call 911. I hope this helps.

 

[bclark]

took me a long time, but this year i meet up with two people one from hear and the other from fetlife. it wasnt bad at all, we had fun. but i understand it took me forever

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

Meet for something like coffee or drinks or meet at a diner. Someplace public where you can just chat and get to know the person and hopefully you will eventually feel comfortable enough to have some tickling fun with them somewhere some other time. Best of Luck to you.

Absolutely. Just a few additional caveats being:

1) Stay away from alcoholic drinks (also buy your own drink and don't leave the other person alone with your drink, or where it would be out of your view - could be spiked).

2) Also meet during the daytime (weekend say) for the first initial meeting, and be clear that a friend of yours will be meeting up with you both at said venue, to go off alone with you somewhere else (i.e. without your prospective lee/ler). Your friend doesn't have to know what you were meeting them about.

3) Give out minimal contact information, so if you feel even slightly creeped or uneasy about the person, then they can't harass you.

Ultimately though people vary considerably between what their perception is of personal safety.

 

[DimpleToes]

Take you time and ge to know them for months or yr talking in IM or yahoo first. Then make it a public place or go to a munch you both will be attending.

 

[DimpleToes]

Even for me it can take yrs going to a gathering before I let someone ler on me. This past yr at MTP after going 3 yrs I finally got the courage or felt comfortable with a few Ler's and asked or allowed a session. IT is all in how the friendship is formed first and foremost.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can over come this? i get messages from guys and girls asking to play and I want to but I can't seem to go through with it every time. I'll always manage to talk myself out of it, and then I'll go look up a story or a clip when I could have had the real thing. Anyone else have this? If so what worked for you?

~Closet lee

This happened to me it's nothing unusual. As for a solution my friend I'm afraid I dont have one unless the advice of trust your own instincts is helpful..Best of luck in whatever decision you make..If you do decide to go i hope you have a lot of

Steve

 

[Mr Nonchalant]

Everybody is obviously unique so I think that the length I've time I've waited before meeting people from the internet has varied greatly.
In my experiences, the worst nerves I've felt have been just before meeting the person in the flesh. However, I have found that after the first few minutes, my nerves almost entirely fade away.....
I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do.
Stay safe - Take care.

 

[ndj101982]

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can over come this? i get messages from guys and girls asking to play and I want to but I can't seem to go through with it every time. I'll always manage to talk myself out of it, and then I'll go look up a story or a clip when I could have had the real thing. Anyone else have this? If so what worked for you?

~Closet lee

I can tell you from experiences, the real thing isn't always nearly as good as you imagine it to be. If you don't feel comfortable doing it for real, it's not a big deal. Sometimes what you like in fantasy is scary to consider crossing over into reality. I've always dreamed of one day tying up girls I've been with during roleplay, but to be honest, I think it sounds hotter in fantasy than if I actually did it to my gf.

 

[milagros317]

The safest way of entry is to attend a munch first, a group of people meeting in a public restaurant for a meal and talk. After you've met them you may find somebody you trust enough to set up a play date.

 

[texastickler]

The safest way of entry is to attend a munch first, a group of people meeting in a public restaurant for a meal and talk. After you've met them you may find somebody you trust enough to set up a play date.

Mils is right. A group in a public place is a good setting. A MUNCH is a great start.

 

[socktickler86]

I personally like to have my play in a hotel room. It is mainly because I feel safer in one. He has paid for the room, so if anything bad were to happen to me; the hotel has all his information.

I've never thought about this, but this is actually great thinking!

Everybody is obviously unique so I think that the length I've time I've waited before meeting people from the internet has varied greatly.

Agreed! The only person I've met off a site like this was after knowing her for only 2 months (and it would have been sooner if our schedules worked out better). Some people you just click with and both sides feel comfortable laying everything down on the table (we had 'friended' each other on facebook after a few weeks and had traded numbers) fairly quickly. There are, of course, other people who have presented so many red flags and been so flaky that I'd need to talk to them for at least 4 or 6 more months before I regain trust with them.

 

[TickleRelish]

It's a personal thing. My best suggestion is to focus on creating the best possible environment in which you care share your first meeting. Moreover, I'd encourage you to be grateful that you're getting opportunities to meet (many at this forum are gun-shy about meeting, so if you're getting past that hurdle, you're doing really well.

 

[Tickler Bart]

I completely understand how you feel.
It's this paralyzing fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear that you'll discover you don't like as much as you thought, fear of being tickled too much (Tickled to death), fear of being judged, fear of NOT being ticklish enough and disappointing the 'Ler.
When I was in my late 20s I decided to go to a fetish club in lower Manhattan called Hellfire. I was SO scared of what I will find there. I was shaking & debating whether I should go down there. I took the leap and went in. I looked around and thought, "THIS is what I was afraid of? How silly of me to think that." It was the BIGGEST nothing. I had all these crazy sick things going in my head and THAT's what scared me. NOT the actual thing.
So, my advice is this . . . go with your inner gut. If you feel threatened or VERY uncomfortable, then don't do it until you are ready to accept and embrace your love of tickle.
We are all here for you so you are NOT alone and, believe me most of us have been there.

 

[Libertine]

Your best bet, since your profile says you live quite close by in NJ, is to come to NEST April 30-May 1. It's a big weekend Philadelphia gathering in a nice hotel, (roughly 120 joined us last year, split 60%-40% men and women) so you can feel anonymous and not on show, there are plenty of women, both single and attached attending, so you won't feel alone or out of place, a lot of new people are coming this year, so you won't feel as you're trying to interact with any already-established cliques (although everyone's very friendly), and most important, no-one ever has to do ANYTHING, and that's very well enforced by the carefully chosen staff who keep things running smoothly and very safely. Just be sociable in the ordinary, everyday hanging-out sense- nothing more is ever expected of you.

 

[Tickleslave83]

Although I would desperately like to meet a partner I have never met anyone I've known online. Partly the reason I'm comfortable online is I have very strong social and general anxiety especially in regards to sexual things as I have zero experience of any kind in that area. I also don't drive and am a bit of an agoraphobe which compounds the problem.

The closest I ever came to meeting someone was on a different fetish board. We had some intense and exciting chats but then she was pressuring me to meet and I grew terrified and then we never talked again. I often feel like I made a big mistake there, but all things considered I probably would respond similarly now.

So if I ever was to meet I'd probably want to know the person online pretty well before considering it. I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable going to a fetish club or a strip club etc. though.

 

[sheisgone24]

Closetlee -
Although I am new to TMF, I have been around the general kinky scene on and offline for about 10 years and I think most of the suggestions people have given are good. Here is my take on each one:
Munches and social gatherings are great for meeting lots of different people all at once and there is always that safety in numbers thing and you can always break away for more intimate conversation.
Play parties at semi-public spaces/dungeons are also great places to start playing - if you are a teeny bit of an exhibitionist/voyeur [or more then a teeny bit of one like me] you may ever start to get into the mood to play by picking up on the energy of the people around you. I always felt very safe playing at semi-public spaces because there were monitors in charge that were constantly watching and making sure that the play was safe, sane, and consensual.
Bars, coffee shops, restaurants - I personally like first meetings in bars nowadays - they are a little noise so you can't be overheard, they are for grow-ups, so if someone does overhear you, you aren't going to be called a pervert for talking like that in front of kids, and if someone does playfully tickle you at some point no one will probably care. [giggles]
Above all you need to meet where you are comfortable! Try to have a safety call - always good advice, also check out the interaction the person has will other people in the forum or community - creeps usually don't post or have alot of friends [says the new girl]. But believe me you will probably know within 30 seconds of meeting how it is going to go. Trust me. Good Luck!

 

[Capnmad]

Hi, Closetlee!

Basically, what Libertine said.

Here's the thing -- you could theoretically get up the gumption to go meet some individual from here who struck up a conversation with you, but unfortunately, there are on occasion some really strange folk who present as fairly normal, friendly, affable people online, but when you get to meet them, they are anything but. If you wind up with one of them instead of one of the many likable friendly folks in this, the individual meet can wind up weirding you out, and dissuading you from pursuing this further -- which sucks if this is really a part of you and what you enjoy.

The best bet is NEST. Even if just for a one-day pass. You'll get to meet a TON of people, make some friends and pretty easily separate the strange from the folks who vibe with ya'. That said, it's understandable if you don't want to make that sort of an investment your first time out...

As an alternative, there are occasional munches and get-togethers in the eastern PA and Philly area. My roomie organizes them. Just come out prepared for a casual dinner with new friends. She's been looking at possible dates for the next munch, so if you can't make it to NEST, get in touch with me or "fireguardian" on here, and we'll let you know when the next one coming up might be (that is, as soon as we know 🙂 ).

The majority of folks who come to fireguardian's munches are great and trusted regulars -- people who've known each other and liked each other for at least a couple of years. We eat, we chat, we tease and bust on each other, and just enjoy each other's company. While tickling is hardly the center of conversation, it's that great common interest that just happened to gather us together, so it's a topic easily broached and discussed, and from there, you can start feeling out people with whom you feel comfortable. I strongly recommend it.

Whatever path you decide, I wish you the best luck and the greatest success.

 

[P_Bustleton]

But believe me you will probably know within 30 seconds of meeting how it is going to go.

This is pretty sound advice. Trust yourself.

I've done online dating, and if I'm interested I'll get a girl's number during our first conversation, and ask her out when I first call her, usually within a few days. (It helps that I live in Manhattan and in a neighborhood rather densely populated with singles.) I've also met up with several women from here on the forum. Some of those encounters led to tickling, some did not. One has led to a relationship. Usually the encounters from the forum are preceded by no more than a dozen private messages (albiet some long ones) and chatting online a few times. I'll provide a link to my online dating profile for pictures, sometimes even on the first message if I'm reasonably certain the girl isn't pretending.

I've had a few experiences (vanilla and tickling) where a girl and I have had chemistry online and things just fizzled in person. It's upsetting when that happens, but it underlines the importance (to me) of meeting in person quickly. It's a waste of time otherwise.

Here's your real problem: the guys you probably want to meet up with are NOT the ones who are going to sit online and talk to you for weeks, months, or years(!). A gainfully employed, reasonably attractive guy with passable social skills is not going to have the time or desire to talk to you for an extended period before meeting you. At the same time, though, watch out if a guy pressures you too much. (But it does seem like you might need some external motivation!)

Milagros is right - going to munches is a great, safe way to meet people. (He's been to several with me.) And if you meet with someone one-on-one, a public place, without any tickling involved, is perfectly fine. A good guy will respect that.

I wouldn't recommend abstaining completely from alcoholic beverages if you do meet up. It can really help take the edge off. But don't have more than a drink or two.

From the description of your behavior, it sounds like you're apprehensive about the unknown. Watching clips and reading stories is fun, and you know it's something safe and enjoyable. If you've never met up with someone for a session, it's hard to contemplate what to expect. Will you live out every fantasy you have? No - at least not at first. 😉 But as you warm up to it, you'll see that real-life experiences are so much deeper.

Yes, there are guys out there who want to (or tend to) harm women. But I would venture to say those men are underrepresented among tickle fetishists, at least compared to a lot of fetishes out there. And most vanilla people don't even know tickling is a "thing." Who would think to go on this kind of site (populated mostly by men) to find "victims"? There are lots of other sites for make predatory behavior.

Be safe, and good luck. Sometimes these psychological barriers are hard to overcome. I think all it'll take is one good experience to change your mind. 🙂

I think you should seriously consider Libertine's invitation to NEST. It's really liberating to be around like-minded people who share a common interest. Also, Libertine himself is quite entertaining.

 

[carwash666]

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can over come this? i get messages from guys and girls asking to play and I want to but I can't seem to go through with it every time. I'll always manage to talk myself out of it, and then I'll go look up a story or a clip when I could have had the real thing. Anyone else have this? If so what worked for you?

~Closet lee

I have the same problem. I'm still shy to my fetish and doing anything with it even though i want to really bad

 

[WorkInProgress]

I endorse the suggestion of a munch, especially if it's in New York this summer when I'm around. I just took a glance at your profile, and I'm into theatre too. In fact, there's a very lively theatre group I'll gladly introduce you to, very close to Penn Station. I'll also be glad to tickle you some day, but that's purely an optional add-on.