For Cosmo, You wanted to know.

[njjen3953]

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who
> dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio
> show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an
> abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be
> condoned in any circumstance. The following is an open
> letter to Dr.Laura penned by a US resident and also
> posted on the Internet):
>
> Dear Dr. Laura:
>
> Thank you for doing so much to educate people
> regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
> your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as
> many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
> homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
> them
> that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
> abomination. End of debate.
>
> I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
> some of the specific laws and how to follow them.
>
> a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
> know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev.
> 1:9). The pr! oblem is my neighbours. They claim the
> odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
>
> b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
> sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
> do you think would be a fair price for her?
>
> c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
> while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness
> (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I
> have tried asking, but most women take offense.
>
> d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves,
> both male and female, provided they are purchased from
> neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that
> this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
> you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
>
> e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the
> Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put
> to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
>
> f) A friend of mine feels that ev! en though eating
> shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:1 ), it is a
> lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
> Can you settle this?
>
> g) Lev. 21:2 states that I may not approach the altar
> of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
> that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to
> be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
>
> h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
> including the hair around their temples, even though
> this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should
> they die?
>
> i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a
> dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
> football if I wear gloves?
>
> j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by
> planting two different crops in the same field, as
> does his wife by wearing garments made of two
> different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He
> also tends to curse & blaspheme a lot.&nb! sp; Is it really
> necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the
> whole town together to stone them?(Lev.24:1 -16)
> Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
> family affair like we do with people who sleep with
> their in-laws? (Lev. 2 :14)
>
> I know you have studied these things extensively, so I
> am confident you can help. Thank you again for
> reminding us that God's word is eternal and
> unchanging.
>
> Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

 

[Mimi]

Omg this is an excellent post Jen. Thanks for sharing this. I am copying and pasting your entire post, and sending it to several people I know. Outstanding....


Mimi

 

[Biggles of 266]

very clever, thanks for posting Jen!

 

[TicklingDuo]

Sounds like some people I know. We can misquote Scriptures all over the place to support anything we want. The greatest law is that of LOVE. If we'd follow that for a change, the rest would fall into place on it's own.

Ann

 

[evilqueen]

We can misquote Scriptures all over the place to support anything we want.

I checked, and none of the examples above are misquotes. You could say religious writings can be misinterpreted to support anything, but obviously interpretation is up for grabs.

And I don't know the law of love but I do wonder - who wrote the book of love?😛

 

[TicklingDuo]

EQ....I should have stated that more clearly. What I meant was taking quotes out of context to support ideas that don't necessarily have anything to do with what the text intended to say.

For example, I have a brother who used to quote Scriptures to claim that anyone other than a caucasian male was a lesser person...and some not even rating as people. (He was heavily involved in KKK and neo-nazi garbage at the time.)

As for the book of love...I wonder who wrote that too! 😉

Ann

 

[BigJim]

This has to be one of te best threads of all time! I really enjoyed reading this and I hope to goodness (I nearly said God there!!!) that some of the arseholes who use scriptures of one sort or another to persecute other people, read it to.

Thank you for posting that Jen, it really made my day.

 

[Biggles of 266]

some of the arseholes who use scriptures of one sort or another to persecute other people

reminds me of that Onion story about God calling a press conference to clarify 'thou shalt not kill'... Excellent story!

 

[BigJim]

reminds me of that Onion story about God calling a press conference to clarify 'thou shalt not kill'... Excellent story!

What story was that, cobber?

 

[Biggles of 266]

For Jim, You wanted to know.

GOD ANGRILY CLARIFIES 'DON'T KILL' RULE

NEW YORK—Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.

"Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again," said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. "Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. And to be honest, I'm really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand."

Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called "an unending cycle of violence."

"I don't care how holy somebody claims to be," God said. "If a person tells you it's My will that they kill someone, they're wrong. Got it? I don't care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else's, ever again."

The press conference came as a surprise to humankind, as God rarely intervenes in earthly affairs. As a matter of longstanding policy, He has traditionally left the task of interpreting His message and divine will to clerics, rabbis, priests, imams, and Biblical scholars. Theologians and laymen alike have been given the task of pondering His ineffable mysteries, deciding for themselves what to do as a matter of faith. His decision to manifest on the material plane was motivated by the deep sense of shock, outrage, and sorrow He felt over the Sept. 11 violence carried out in His name, and over its dire potential ramifications around the globe.

"I tried to put it in the simplest possible terms for you people, so you'd get it straight, because I thought it was pretty important," said God, called Yahweh and Allah respectively in the Judaic and Muslim traditions. "I guess I figured I'd left no real room for confusion after putting it in a four-word sentence with one-syllable words, on the tablets I gave to Moses. How much more clear can I get?"

"But somehow, it all gets twisted around and, next thing you know, somebody's spouting off some nonsense about, 'God says I have to kill this guy, God wants me to kill that guy, it's God's will,'" God continued. "It's not God's will, all right? News flash: 'God's will' equals 'Don't murder people.'"

Worse yet, many of the worst violators claim that their actions are justified by passages in the Bible, Torah, and Qur'an.

"To be honest, there's some contradictory stuff in there, okay?" God said. "So I can see how it could be pretty misleading. I admit it—My bad. I did My best to inspire them, but a lot of imperfect human agents have misinterpreted My message over the millennia. Frankly, much of the material that got in there is dogmatic, doctrinal bullshit. I turn My head for a second and, suddenly, all this stuff about homosexuality gets into Leviticus, and everybody thinks it's God's will to kill gays. It absolutely drives Me up the wall."

God praised the overwhelming majority of His Muslim followers as "wonderful, pious people," calling the perpetrators of the Sept. 11 attacks rare exceptions.

"This whole medieval concept of the jihad, or holy war, had all but vanished from the Muslim world in, like, the 10th century, and with good reason," God said. "There's no such thing as a holy war, only unholy ones. The vast majority of Muslims in this world reject the murderous actions of these radical extremists, just like the vast majority of Christians in America are pissed off over those two bigots on The 700 Club."

Continued God, "Read the book: 'Allah is kind, Allah is beautiful, Allah is merciful.' It goes on and on that way, page after page. But, no, some assholes have to come along and revive this stupid holy-war crap just to further their own hateful agenda. So now, everybody thinks Muslims are all murderous barbarians. Thanks, Taliban: 1,000 years of pan-Islamic cultural progress down the drain."

God stressed that His remarks were not directed exclusively at Islamic extremists, but rather at anyone whose ideological zealotry overrides his or her ability to comprehend the core message of all world religions.

"I don't care what faith you are, everybody's been making this same mistake since the dawn of time," God said. "The Muslims massacre the Hindus, the Hindus massacre the Muslims. The Buddhists, everybody massacres the Buddhists. The Jews, don't even get me started on the hardline, right-wing, Meir Kahane-loving Israeli nationalists, man. And the Christians? You people believe in a Messiah who says, 'Turn the other cheek,' but you've been killing everybody you can get your hands on since the Crusades."

Growing increasingly wrathful, God continued: "Can't you people see? What are you, morons? There are a ton of different religious traditions out there, and different cultures worship Me in different ways. But the basic message is always the same: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Shintoism... every religious belief system under the sun, they all say you're supposed to love your neighbors, folks! It's not that hard a concept to grasp."

"Why would you think I'd want anything else? Humans don't need religion or God as an excuse to kill each other—you've been doing that without any help from Me since you were freaking apes!" God said. "The whole point of believing in God is to have a higher standard of behavior. How obvious can you get?"

"I'm talking to all of you, here!" continued God, His voice rising to a shout. "Do you hear Me? I don't want you to kill anybody. I'm against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don't kill each other anymore—ever! I'm fucking serious!"

Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept.

 

[BigJim]

Good story Biggles, really poignant. Only one question...... what in the living name of arse does it have to do with an onion?😕

 

[Biggles of 266]

The Onion is a website that publishes satirical news stories. It's very funny and very very clever. www.theonion.com

 

[BigJim]

The Onion is a website that publishes satirical news stories. It's very funny and very very clever. www.theonion.com

Aha! Now see it. (As the bishop said to the netball team)

 

[strokeofgenius2]

Amen, Amen, a thousand times Amen!

Great story.

I've said it before, I'll say it again...God's not so dumb that he would make rules that are ridiculously complicated for us to follow.

It's all simple, simple, simple....love, serve, pray, and be kind.

That's it, folks. All He asks is for simple things.

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. 🙂

 

[TicklingDuo]

Thank-you Biggles!!! Excellent story! Though I don't quite picture the Lord using some of the terms in it, the thoughts are dead on. It beautifully illustrates how messed up we are when we use His Word to defend garbage.

Ann

 

[Biggles of 266]

that's one of my favourite Onion stories, and certainly my favourite religious one. One of my other favourites is about God re-flooding the Middle East. He says 'I bloody warned you...'

 

[BigJim]

that's one of my favourite Onion stories, and certainly my favourite religious one. One of my other favourites is about God re-flooding the Middle East. He says 'I bloody warned you...'

LOL Oh croccy, you have GOT to post that one! And by the way.......Aussie aussie aussie, oi oi oi!!!! to you as well.😀

 

[Cosmo_ac]

Thanks

Well, let me say thanks to you Jen. This information is both entertaining and educational. Thank you for posting it.