Tonight
OK, and today is here.
I spent the whole day with my brain going in two different direction. Most of today I've felt like a condemed man, with only hours to live, and the next I realize that I have to be the luckiest bastard on the face of the earth for what I'm going to experience this evening. It's just the reality of the whole thing that's driving me crazy. I can feel it in my brain just what it's going to feel like being strapped down. Unable to move. Unable to speak. And most likely unable to see. I started questioning where these fantasy's had come from in the first place. This was going to be a bit different than when I was a kid and use to tighty wrap the tie from my bathrobe around my wrist's and pretend that I was at the mercy of a beautiful woman... or two...or three. It feels much more intense than hiring an escort or talking a reluctant girlfriend into a scene, both who would probably do their best to try to make me happy and give me what I want, but it would still be fake all the same. There's just something about the dynamic of a group of women (same with men I guess) that changes everything when they're all together. Add to that the fact that they're all going to be fueled up on sex talk and vodka ( or daquiri's, or whatever they'll be drinking.) I hate to admit it but the idea crossed my mind of jumping into my car and driving as far as I could until it was too late and I had missed the whole thing. That's when I (almost literally) slapped myself in the face. OK. No more whineing. This chance will never come again. All trace of doubt is gone. Seize the day and all that crap.
Almost time to go out and help Barb set up for the party. Reece and the others will be over shortly. I'll help greet the guests as they arrive. Wondering just what they're going to do to my helpless self as I smile and say my hello's. And than I'll settle into my own brain space in the back room and ponder. LOL!! Now I don't now what I'm writing. I'm about ready to crack. I'll write again soon. Or as soon as my nervous system settles down again, Cheers!
OK, and today is here.
I spent the whole day with my brain going in two different direction. Most of today I've felt like a condemed man, with only hours to live, and the next I realize that I have to be the luckiest bastard on the face of the earth for what I'm going to experience this evening. It's just the reality of the whole thing that's driving me crazy. I can feel it in my brain just what it's going to feel like being strapped down. Unable to move. Unable to speak. And most likely unable to see. I started questioning where these fantasy's had come from in the first place. This was going to be a bit different than when I was a kid and use to tighty wrap the tie from my bathrobe around my wrist's and pretend that I was at the mercy of a beautiful woman... or two...or three. It feels much more intense than hiring an escort or talking a reluctant girlfriend into a scene, both who would probably do their best to try to make me happy and give me what I want, but it would still be fake all the same. There's just something about the dynamic of a group of women (same with men I guess) that changes everything when they're all together. Add to that the fact that they're all going to be fueled up on sex talk and vodka ( or daquiri's, or whatever they'll be drinking.) I hate to admit it but the idea crossed my mind of jumping into my car and driving as far as I could until it was too late and I had missed the whole thing. That's when I (almost literally) slapped myself in the face. OK. No more whineing. This chance will never come again. All trace of doubt is gone. Seize the day and all that crap.
Almost time to go out and help Barb set up for the party. Reece and the others will be over shortly. I'll help greet the guests as they arrive. Wondering just what they're going to do to my helpless self as I smile and say my hello's. And than I'll settle into my own brain space in the back room and ponder. LOL!! Now I don't now what I'm writing. I'm about ready to crack. I'll write again soon. Or as soon as my nervous system settles down again, Cheers!