Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
I've done a lot of crazy things in my life, but I'll never go bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world and I'll be damned if I let another take me out.
Q: Ordinarily, a pentagon has five sides. When can a pentagon have four sides?
A: After one of its sides is intercepted by a plane.
According to the well known phrase, money talks. Mine certainly does... it's constantly saying "goodbye".
We've seen a lot of alternate Spider Men lately. The most recent one doesn't have any super powers, but still leaps from building to building. His real name is Peter Parkour.
My cousin has a really unusual job: he's paid by the Lifesavers Corporation to put on a candy shaped costume and appear as their mascot at company events. The money's good, but he worries that people will find his profession undignified. That's why he tells everyone he works in a mint.
The damn Soviet Union was always taking credit of western technology. Did you know that back in the day they actually claimed to have invented the game Minesweeper? Only difference was that their version was called Oursweeper.
I bought a bottle of coconut shampoo and conditioner last week. What a waste of money! Three applications and my coconut's hair is still unmanageable!
Bozo the Clown made a trip to New Guinea and as soon as he arrived the cannibals asked him if he'd like a hot bath. Next thing you know, he was simmering in a huge soup pot. How humiliating... he'd become a laughing stock.
Charity is terribly important to me and worth every dollar I give. Seriously, have you ever seen her pole dance?
Q: What is a Grammar Nazi's political affiliation?
A: He's devoted to the Alt-Write.
Like my daddy always used to say: "Son, women are like stones. The flat ones you can skip."
Thanks to your generous donations, the life of this homeless man has been completely transformed. He's now a homeless woman.
My wife bullied me into going to Stockholm on our vacation. I had my heart set on Florence, but now that we're here I never want to leave!
He: "Did you know I can tell your age just by touching your tits?"
Blonde she: "Really? Show me."
Twenty minutes later...
She: "Okay , so when was I born?"
He: "Yesterday."
I wish I had a dollar for every time my wife accuses me of cheating. I could finally afford to take my girlfriend someplace nice.
Indian Roulette... it's much like Russian Roulette, but with this difference: you're given six closed baskets and a flute. Inside each one of the baskets is a cobra. The risk factor: one of the snakes is deaf.
My wife dragged my off to Egypt to see the pyramids... not my idea of a dream vacation. I'd far rather be at a Riviera resort, watching hot young babes strut their stuff than hanging out with a couple of old Gizas.
Imperial Roman cults used to worship men's privates. Early Christians found this practice sack-religious.
I've invented a special series of exercises tailor made for my interest level and stamina. They're called Diddly Squats.
Lately, I've been trying to recapture my lost youth. I had him chained up in the basement, but he must have picked the lock.
My neighbor, a rabid WWE fan, tried out a belly-to-belly suplex on his teenage son, sending him to the emergency room. Needless to say, dad was taken into custody. The charge: domestic ab use.
The difference between Paul Walker and Betty White: Paul hit 100 before he died.
* * *
Q: Ordinarily, a pentagon has five sides. When can a pentagon have four sides?
A: After one of its sides is intercepted by a plane.
* * *
According to the well known phrase, money talks. Mine certainly does... it's constantly saying "goodbye".
* * *
We've seen a lot of alternate Spider Men lately. The most recent one doesn't have any super powers, but still leaps from building to building. His real name is Peter Parkour.
* * *
My cousin has a really unusual job: he's paid by the Lifesavers Corporation to put on a candy shaped costume and appear as their mascot at company events. The money's good, but he worries that people will find his profession undignified. That's why he tells everyone he works in a mint.
* * *
The damn Soviet Union was always taking credit of western technology. Did you know that back in the day they actually claimed to have invented the game Minesweeper? Only difference was that their version was called Oursweeper.
* * *
I bought a bottle of coconut shampoo and conditioner last week. What a waste of money! Three applications and my coconut's hair is still unmanageable!
* * *
Bozo the Clown made a trip to New Guinea and as soon as he arrived the cannibals asked him if he'd like a hot bath. Next thing you know, he was simmering in a huge soup pot. How humiliating... he'd become a laughing stock.
* * *
Charity is terribly important to me and worth every dollar I give. Seriously, have you ever seen her pole dance?
* * *
Q: What is a Grammar Nazi's political affiliation?
A: He's devoted to the Alt-Write.
* * *
Like my daddy always used to say: "Son, women are like stones. The flat ones you can skip."
* * *
Thanks to your generous donations, the life of this homeless man has been completely transformed. He's now a homeless woman.
* * *
My wife bullied me into going to Stockholm on our vacation. I had my heart set on Florence, but now that we're here I never want to leave!
* * *
He: "Did you know I can tell your age just by touching your tits?"
Blonde she: "Really? Show me."
Twenty minutes later...
She: "Okay , so when was I born?"
He: "Yesterday."
* * *
I wish I had a dollar for every time my wife accuses me of cheating. I could finally afford to take my girlfriend someplace nice.
* * *
Indian Roulette... it's much like Russian Roulette, but with this difference: you're given six closed baskets and a flute. Inside each one of the baskets is a cobra. The risk factor: one of the snakes is deaf.
* * *
My wife dragged my off to Egypt to see the pyramids... not my idea of a dream vacation. I'd far rather be at a Riviera resort, watching hot young babes strut their stuff than hanging out with a couple of old Gizas.
* * *
Imperial Roman cults used to worship men's privates. Early Christians found this practice sack-religious.
* * *
I've invented a special series of exercises tailor made for my interest level and stamina. They're called Diddly Squats.
* * *
Lately, I've been trying to recapture my lost youth. I had him chained up in the basement, but he must have picked the lock.
* * *
My neighbor, a rabid WWE fan, tried out a belly-to-belly suplex on his teenage son, sending him to the emergency room. Needless to say, dad was taken into custody. The charge: domestic ab use.
* * *
The difference between Paul Walker and Betty White: Paul hit 100 before he died.
