Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
Detectives have been stymied by the Mystery of the Missing Lice. It has them all scratching their heads.
My girlfriend is like fine wine... I have her locked in the cellar until she's was old enough to enjoy.
"I bought a Rabbit Hunting video game last week in which I play as Elmer Fudd."
"Is it any good?"
"Well, it still has plenty of Bugs."
My blond wife won't have her toenails done at the salon since she learned they use emery boards. She says she won't have anything to do with pedifiles.
Al Sharpton isn't very glib for a guy who's supposed to be a spokesman. A lot of the time he sounds like he's half in the bag, daddy.
My vegan girlfriend and I get along perfectly. We've never had a beef.
Everyone picked on Tiny Tim, but it was his fault. He didn't stand up for himself.
I've invented a new color; it's just a hair brighter than chartreuse. My art teacher is really impressed with it! He says it's sublime!
Hitler never should have held the Nuremberg Rally outside; he got caught in a heil storm.
Q: What's the difference between a drunken Yank and a sober Brit?
A: None at all. They both drive on the left side of the road.
The insect world leaders put their heads together, trying to decide how best to make money off the human race. The carpenter ants had a plan: since they were expert builders, they figured they could make a killing with low cost homes. Alas, no people could be found who wanted to pay for their ant-sized dwellings. The bug consortium despaired of coming up with a popular product folks would be willing to pay for. But that's when they came up with plan bee. It was a honey of an idea!
My dad is a cross dresser. He gets real pissed off when he can't find his socks.
Tradition: it's peer pressure from dead people.
My uncle has a very specialized job: he studies mosquito swarms. It's a niche profession.
Q: How do you tell the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: Find out which one of them knows.
I'm a very driven individual. Since I don't own a car, I have to take Uber and Lyft everywhere.
Never seek support from a horse. They're all neigh-sayers.
My wife's leaving me. She says that all I do is lie around the house watching westerns on TV. Well, that's fine with me. This town ain't big enough for the two of us.
Doctor: "These test results are puzzling. It says here that your DNA is backwards."
Patient: "And?"
Q: What happens after you die?
A: A lot of stuff that has nothing to do with you.
Ireland is a close neighbor to Iceland. It's only a sea away.
An obviously inebriated man is stopped by a cop as he stumbles down the street and 2:00 AM.
"And just where do you think you're going?" the policeman growls.,
"My good sir," the drunk replies, "I am on my way to an enlightening lecture about the virtues of piety and abstinence."
"Really?" muses the cop. "And who would be delivering a lecture at this hour?"
The drunk looks down mournfully.
"My wife."
* * *
My girlfriend is like fine wine... I have her locked in the cellar until she's was old enough to enjoy.
* * *
"I bought a Rabbit Hunting video game last week in which I play as Elmer Fudd."
"Is it any good?"
"Well, it still has plenty of Bugs."
* * *
My blond wife won't have her toenails done at the salon since she learned they use emery boards. She says she won't have anything to do with pedifiles.
* * *
Al Sharpton isn't very glib for a guy who's supposed to be a spokesman. A lot of the time he sounds like he's half in the bag, daddy.
* * *
My vegan girlfriend and I get along perfectly. We've never had a beef.
* * *
Everyone picked on Tiny Tim, but it was his fault. He didn't stand up for himself.
* * *
I've invented a new color; it's just a hair brighter than chartreuse. My art teacher is really impressed with it! He says it's sublime!
* * *
Hitler never should have held the Nuremberg Rally outside; he got caught in a heil storm.
* * *
Q: What's the difference between a drunken Yank and a sober Brit?
A: None at all. They both drive on the left side of the road.
* * *
The insect world leaders put their heads together, trying to decide how best to make money off the human race. The carpenter ants had a plan: since they were expert builders, they figured they could make a killing with low cost homes. Alas, no people could be found who wanted to pay for their ant-sized dwellings. The bug consortium despaired of coming up with a popular product folks would be willing to pay for. But that's when they came up with plan bee. It was a honey of an idea!
* * *
My dad is a cross dresser. He gets real pissed off when he can't find his socks.
* * *
Tradition: it's peer pressure from dead people.
* * *
My uncle has a very specialized job: he studies mosquito swarms. It's a niche profession.
* * *
Q: How do you tell the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: Find out which one of them knows.
* * *
I'm a very driven individual. Since I don't own a car, I have to take Uber and Lyft everywhere.
* * *
Never seek support from a horse. They're all neigh-sayers.
* * *
My wife's leaving me. She says that all I do is lie around the house watching westerns on TV. Well, that's fine with me. This town ain't big enough for the two of us.
* * *
Doctor: "These test results are puzzling. It says here that your DNA is backwards."
Patient: "And?"
* * *
Q: What happens after you die?
A: A lot of stuff that has nothing to do with you.
* * *
Ireland is a close neighbor to Iceland. It's only a sea away.
* * *
An obviously inebriated man is stopped by a cop as he stumbles down the street and 2:00 AM.
"And just where do you think you're going?" the policeman growls.,
"My good sir," the drunk replies, "I am on my way to an enlightening lecture about the virtues of piety and abstinence."
"Really?" muses the cop. "And who would be delivering a lecture at this hour?"
The drunk looks down mournfully.
"My wife."
