Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
My uncle is famous for his Cajun alligator stew. He simmers it for hours in a croc pot.
Q: Which '70s song did Paul Anka write about King Solomon?
A: "You're Halving My Baby!"
Trump did great in the election! As a candidate, he's unpresidented!
My brother threw his back out last week. To make matters worse, the garbage men would touch the damn thing.
Residents in St. Louis are constantly depressed; they live in a state of Missouri.
My sister's so damned egotistical! She's more concerned about her own petty problems than she is about mine!
"Who played the bad guy in that first "Spider-Man" film?"
"Dafoe."
"Yeah, da foe of Spider-Man. Who played him?"
My girlfriend wants me to buy a leather coat instead of something synthetic. She's being insistent, but I will not be suede!
In an attempt to profit from every part of the animal, MacDonalds is now including beef trotters on its menu. This idea has no effect on me; I stay away from burger joints.
A fortune teller warned me that I would die in 12 years from a broken heart. The news was so upsetting, I bought a pet kitten to cheer myself up.
I have a terrific pickup line: 20 lb. monofilament with a mosquito lure at the end. Just the thing for trout!
I drink because it cures obesity and improves attractiveness. Not in me; in women I try to pick up.
Saloon patron: "Lookie yonder! That thar cowboy has a Stetson made'a paper towels!"
Saloon keeper: "Yep. He's got a Bounty on his head, all right."
My parents didn't raise a quitter! I accomplished that all on my own!
A bass and a sole are swimming near the beach and happen to collide.
"Hey, a bass!" cries the sole.
The bass is too well brought up to reply.
My neighbor's a retired dominatrix, in her 60s same as me. She's not a bad looker, but I've never bothered to ask her out... she prefers strapping young men.
Wearing cheap hairpieces may seem lowbrow, but it's small price toupee.
My sister operates a small stand that supplies batteries to beachgoers. Yep, she sells C cells by the seashore.
The Germans really love puppies. The whole time I was in their country, everyone said , "Guten dog!"
I used to enjoy comic books when I was a kid, but not anymore. Now that I'm grown up, I have too many issues.
My girlfriend and I have been social distancing since the start of the pandemic. That's my term for it, anyway... hers is "restraining order".
I just learned that my grandmother voted for Biden. She used to be staunchly conservative, but has gone through some changes... she never would have done this while she was alive.
* * *
Q: Which '70s song did Paul Anka write about King Solomon?
A: "You're Halving My Baby!"
* * *
Trump did great in the election! As a candidate, he's unpresidented!
* * *
My brother threw his back out last week. To make matters worse, the garbage men would touch the damn thing.
* * *
Residents in St. Louis are constantly depressed; they live in a state of Missouri.
* * *
My sister's so damned egotistical! She's more concerned about her own petty problems than she is about mine!
* * *
"Who played the bad guy in that first "Spider-Man" film?"
"Dafoe."
"Yeah, da foe of Spider-Man. Who played him?"
* * *
My girlfriend wants me to buy a leather coat instead of something synthetic. She's being insistent, but I will not be suede!
* * *
In an attempt to profit from every part of the animal, MacDonalds is now including beef trotters on its menu. This idea has no effect on me; I stay away from burger joints.
* * *
A fortune teller warned me that I would die in 12 years from a broken heart. The news was so upsetting, I bought a pet kitten to cheer myself up.
* * *
I have a terrific pickup line: 20 lb. monofilament with a mosquito lure at the end. Just the thing for trout!
* * *
I drink because it cures obesity and improves attractiveness. Not in me; in women I try to pick up.
* * *
Saloon patron: "Lookie yonder! That thar cowboy has a Stetson made'a paper towels!"
Saloon keeper: "Yep. He's got a Bounty on his head, all right."
* * *
My parents didn't raise a quitter! I accomplished that all on my own!
* * *
A bass and a sole are swimming near the beach and happen to collide.
"Hey, a bass!" cries the sole.
The bass is too well brought up to reply.
* * *
My neighbor's a retired dominatrix, in her 60s same as me. She's not a bad looker, but I've never bothered to ask her out... she prefers strapping young men.
* * *
Wearing cheap hairpieces may seem lowbrow, but it's small price toupee.
* * *
My sister operates a small stand that supplies batteries to beachgoers. Yep, she sells C cells by the seashore.
* * *
The Germans really love puppies. The whole time I was in their country, everyone said , "Guten dog!"
* * *
I used to enjoy comic books when I was a kid, but not anymore. Now that I'm grown up, I have too many issues.
* * *
My girlfriend and I have been social distancing since the start of the pandemic. That's my term for it, anyway... hers is "restraining order".
* * *
I just learned that my grandmother voted for Biden. She used to be staunchly conservative, but has gone through some changes... she never would have done this while she was alive.
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