Low_Roads
1st Level White Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 9,000
- Points
- 48
I just had one of the contacts on my car battery tested and it came back positive. I'm afraid it might be terminal.
When Hitler became chancellor of Germany, he issued an order to buy up gallon after gallon of acetone. He'd heard it was a first-rate Polish remover
I've heard it said that women prefer their men over 6 feet. That's really caught on... nowadays, everyone prefers everyone over 6 feet.
Last week, my granddad laughed at me when I told him we should stay 6 feet apart. Alas, this week it's the closest I'll ever get to him.
It's unlikely Kylo Ren will ever catch the coronavirus. That's because he's Ben Solo.
Last night I caught my wife in bed with another man. Needless to say, I was furious... I was trying desperately to get some sleep.
My 4 year old son asked me where he came from, so I told him he was delivered by a stork. Now he wants to know what kind of pervert I am for having sex with a bird.
What a strange world we live in... one guy in China fixes a meal, but it's all the rest of us who are washing our hands.
I've been hiding inside my house for two weeks now to avoid the coronavirus, but I don't think it worked. The isolation has driven me batty.
A worldwide conference of medical experts is being held to address the coronavirus crisis. I don't know that I can take it seriously... WHO's on first.
I waited all decade and figured that 2019 would be the last of the teens. Surprise, surprise... this year is the first of a new decade of teens... the quaren-teens.
My gay cousin just came out three weeks ago; now everyone's telling him to get back inside.
You'll often see traffic cops sob while writing out tickets. That's because of the moving violations.
Q: I've heard it said that the Egyptian pyramids built from huge rectangular stones. Is that accurate?
A: Yes... but only up to a point.
Did you know that a simple plant that can prevent the spread of COVID-19? Well, it's true: plant your ass on the couch and stay indoors.
Society has changed radically because of coronavirus. Up till now, it had been considered a virtue to spread possitivity.
Real butter makes for better baked goods 99% of the time. Of course, there's always a margarine for error.
After much study, astronomers have determined the way that stars finally die: the most common cause is drug abuse.
There are warnings about coronavirus going all the way back to the Bible: "Though shalt not COVID thy neighbor's wife... "
Life is a lot like golf: the fewer strokes you have, the better.
When my twins wouldn't eat their vegetables and I asked my wife what to do about it, she told me, "Just throw 'em out." That seemed like a pretty radical solution... Timmy and Tommy have been with us 10 years.
Joke of the day: coronavirus. But that's an inside joke, so not everyone will get it.
* * *
When Hitler became chancellor of Germany, he issued an order to buy up gallon after gallon of acetone. He'd heard it was a first-rate Polish remover
* * *
I've heard it said that women prefer their men over 6 feet. That's really caught on... nowadays, everyone prefers everyone over 6 feet.
* * *
Last week, my granddad laughed at me when I told him we should stay 6 feet apart. Alas, this week it's the closest I'll ever get to him.
* * *
It's unlikely Kylo Ren will ever catch the coronavirus. That's because he's Ben Solo.
* * *
Last night I caught my wife in bed with another man. Needless to say, I was furious... I was trying desperately to get some sleep.
* * *
My 4 year old son asked me where he came from, so I told him he was delivered by a stork. Now he wants to know what kind of pervert I am for having sex with a bird.
* * *
What a strange world we live in... one guy in China fixes a meal, but it's all the rest of us who are washing our hands.
* * *
I've been hiding inside my house for two weeks now to avoid the coronavirus, but I don't think it worked. The isolation has driven me batty.
* * *
A worldwide conference of medical experts is being held to address the coronavirus crisis. I don't know that I can take it seriously... WHO's on first.
* * *
I waited all decade and figured that 2019 would be the last of the teens. Surprise, surprise... this year is the first of a new decade of teens... the quaren-teens.
* * *
My gay cousin just came out three weeks ago; now everyone's telling him to get back inside.
* * *
You'll often see traffic cops sob while writing out tickets. That's because of the moving violations.
* * *
Q: I've heard it said that the Egyptian pyramids built from huge rectangular stones. Is that accurate?
A: Yes... but only up to a point.
* * *
Did you know that a simple plant that can prevent the spread of COVID-19? Well, it's true: plant your ass on the couch and stay indoors.
* * *
Society has changed radically because of coronavirus. Up till now, it had been considered a virtue to spread possitivity.
* * *
Real butter makes for better baked goods 99% of the time. Of course, there's always a margarine for error.
* * *
After much study, astronomers have determined the way that stars finally die: the most common cause is drug abuse.
* * *
There are warnings about coronavirus going all the way back to the Bible: "Though shalt not COVID thy neighbor's wife... "
* * *
Life is a lot like golf: the fewer strokes you have, the better.
* * *
When my twins wouldn't eat their vegetables and I asked my wife what to do about it, she told me, "Just throw 'em out." That seemed like a pretty radical solution... Timmy and Tommy have been with us 10 years.
* * *
Joke of the day: coronavirus. But that's an inside joke, so not everyone will get it.
