Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
Yesterday I witnessed a man rush into a phone booth and seconds later, Superman step out and fly into the sky! It was the most amazing thing ever! I mean, when was the last time anyone's seen a phone booth!
Ron Weasley had to drop out of Hogwarts for remedial education. He never learned how to spell.
When I first started working at the mortuary, they made me slide the coffin into the back of the van over and over and over again. I was the one who needed practice, but it was the corpse that got all the re-hearsal.
Grandpa: "Hi Sam! Hear about my grandson? His job is transferring him to some place called Boom Harbor."
Grandma: "Land sakes, I wish you'd get a new hearing aid! He told us they're sending him to Bombay!"
My wife has gotten into the habit of humming Chopin's Minute Waltz during sex. That has to stop... I'm getting sick of not hearing how it ends.
Turns out there's been a lot of dissension among feminists lately. Evidently it's developed into an all out TERF war.
When the Greek god Zeus was assigning realms to his brothers, he gave Poseidon dominion over the seas. That's because he was such a swell guy.
I've heard it said that there's a sucker born every minute. Man, Willy Wonka really needs to separate his business life and his love life!
In France, they eat snails. Not in the US; here, we prefer fast food.
Adolf Hitler was deeply committed to chemistry, doing his very best to invent a universal solvent. Right up to the moment he died, he was hard at work on the final solution.
Lady Gaga and the Goo Goo Dolls are putting together a concert expressly for toddlers. It's going to be called Goo Goo Gaga.
My girlfriend wears a padded bra; she's one of the few people in favor of global warming.
Remember the old video game Space Invader? Seems that Joe Biden has been accused of playing it way too much.
My blond cousin asked me if it was possible to re-join a tennis club. I couldn't understand what she was talking about, but I soon found out; she really wanted me to restring her tennis racket.
"I've felt exhausted every day this week. Can I find anything online to help me?"
"Sure. I believe there's a nap for that."
Vaccinated kids aren't going to get this one: measles!
I was stunned to learn that there's intolerance in the forest kingdom. Take the attitude of the so-called "noble" pine, for example... a perfect example of bigotree.
Vanna White has received a lot of sweet fan mail for her work on Wheel of Fortune... many touching letters.
My brother evidently became so enraged over a game of Scrabble that he grabbed the the game board and all the pieces and chucked them out the window. Anyway, that's the word on the street.
Brexit is expected to free up computer space in the EU, estimated at one GB.
Some historians argue that George Washington could never have tossed a silver dollar across the Potomac River; it's simply too long a distance. But you have to remember, money went a lot farther back then.
An old geezer is ambling down the street, when a little frog in the park fountain chirps, "Kind sir, kiss me and I'll magically turn into a beautiful princess!"
The guy is brought up short. He stares at the frog for several seconds, then grabs it up and stuffs it in his pocket.
"Hey, mister!" the animal squeals. "Didn't you hear me? Kiss me and I'll turn into a gorgeous princess!"
"Yeah, I heard you," the man returns. "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."
* * *
Ron Weasley had to drop out of Hogwarts for remedial education. He never learned how to spell.
* * *
When I first started working at the mortuary, they made me slide the coffin into the back of the van over and over and over again. I was the one who needed practice, but it was the corpse that got all the re-hearsal.
* * *
Grandpa: "Hi Sam! Hear about my grandson? His job is transferring him to some place called Boom Harbor."
Grandma: "Land sakes, I wish you'd get a new hearing aid! He told us they're sending him to Bombay!"
* * *
My wife has gotten into the habit of humming Chopin's Minute Waltz during sex. That has to stop... I'm getting sick of not hearing how it ends.
* * *
Turns out there's been a lot of dissension among feminists lately. Evidently it's developed into an all out TERF war.
* * *
When the Greek god Zeus was assigning realms to his brothers, he gave Poseidon dominion over the seas. That's because he was such a swell guy.
* * *
I've heard it said that there's a sucker born every minute. Man, Willy Wonka really needs to separate his business life and his love life!
* * *
In France, they eat snails. Not in the US; here, we prefer fast food.
* * *
Adolf Hitler was deeply committed to chemistry, doing his very best to invent a universal solvent. Right up to the moment he died, he was hard at work on the final solution.
* * *
Lady Gaga and the Goo Goo Dolls are putting together a concert expressly for toddlers. It's going to be called Goo Goo Gaga.
* * *
My girlfriend wears a padded bra; she's one of the few people in favor of global warming.
* * *
Remember the old video game Space Invader? Seems that Joe Biden has been accused of playing it way too much.
* * *
My blond cousin asked me if it was possible to re-join a tennis club. I couldn't understand what she was talking about, but I soon found out; she really wanted me to restring her tennis racket.
* * *
"I've felt exhausted every day this week. Can I find anything online to help me?"
"Sure. I believe there's a nap for that."
* * *
Vaccinated kids aren't going to get this one: measles!
* * *
I was stunned to learn that there's intolerance in the forest kingdom. Take the attitude of the so-called "noble" pine, for example... a perfect example of bigotree.
* * *
Vanna White has received a lot of sweet fan mail for her work on Wheel of Fortune... many touching letters.
* * *
My brother evidently became so enraged over a game of Scrabble that he grabbed the the game board and all the pieces and chucked them out the window. Anyway, that's the word on the street.
* * *
Brexit is expected to free up computer space in the EU, estimated at one GB.
* * *
Some historians argue that George Washington could never have tossed a silver dollar across the Potomac River; it's simply too long a distance. But you have to remember, money went a lot farther back then.
* * *
An old geezer is ambling down the street, when a little frog in the park fountain chirps, "Kind sir, kiss me and I'll magically turn into a beautiful princess!"
The guy is brought up short. He stares at the frog for several seconds, then grabs it up and stuffs it in his pocket.
"Hey, mister!" the animal squeals. "Didn't you hear me? Kiss me and I'll turn into a gorgeous princess!"
"Yeah, I heard you," the man returns. "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."
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