The Smiths had no children, since Mr. Smith couldn't get it up, so they
decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the
proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm
off. The man should be here soon. Good luck!" Half an hour later, just
by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...." "Oh, no
need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?"
the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything
to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a
couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can
really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this
over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man
must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd
be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith
exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my God!!"
Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins
turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so
difficult to work with."
The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult?"
asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing
to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in." Mrs.
Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um..,
ah.... equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we can get to work."
"Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to
use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while
I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the
proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm
off. The man should be here soon. Good luck!" Half an hour later, just
by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...." "Oh, no
need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?"
the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything
to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a
couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can
really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this
over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man
must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd
be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith
exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my God!!"
Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins
turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so
difficult to work with."
The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult?"
asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing
to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in." Mrs.
Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um..,
ah.... equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we can get to work."
"Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to
use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while
I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
and 
