I know this is a bit old, and lots of us have seen these before, but they are just too damn funny not to share again for those who may not have seen them yet!
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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately
take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a
blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word. He knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she
would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in
a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I
heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter!!
*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized
that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said, "No ." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has
had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made
me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day
after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately
take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the testimonials of a few people who did...
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in
tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a
blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word. He knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she
would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in
a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I
heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter!!
*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training
and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized
that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said, "No ." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has
had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made
me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but
don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day
after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!
