Newcastle Uni
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- Joined
- Nov 23, 2002
- Messages
- 825
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What did the grape say when someone trod on him?
He let out a little whine.
A chauffeur was waiting at a New York airport to pick up the Pope. His plane finally arrives and the chauffeur opens the rear limo door for his Holiness and begins loading his bags into the boot. After he finishes he notices that the Pope is still standing in the car park so he asks ‘Why have you not got in, your Holiness?’ To which the Pope replies ‘I was wondering if I could drive. The Cardinals don’t let me drive in the Vatican and I enjoy it so.’ The chauffeur, not wanting to argue with the Pope, reluctantly gets into the back seat himself. Then, to his horror, the Pope floors it out of the airport and onto the motorway, doing twice the speed limit. It wasn’t long before a police patrol bike orders them to pull over. After the Pope had wound down his window, the patrol officer takes one look and goes back to his bike to radio his senior officer.
‘Sir, I caught someone speeding.’
‘Well, haul them in them’.
‘It’s not that simple sir, it’s someone famous.’
‘Who? The mayor?’
‘No sir’.
‘The president?’
‘No, Sir. I think it’s God, sir.’
‘WHAT! Why do you think that?’
‘Well sir, he’s got the Pope as his limo driver.’
I went out with a posh girl once. It didn’t work out…., she gave me lobsters.
Who said defeat is good?
Bob Marley’s chiropodist
A woman standing nude in front of the mirror says to her husband, ‘I look horrible, fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.’ And the husband replies ‘Well, your eyesight is spot on.’
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn’t budget.
What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Philipe Flop
He let out a little whine.
A chauffeur was waiting at a New York airport to pick up the Pope. His plane finally arrives and the chauffeur opens the rear limo door for his Holiness and begins loading his bags into the boot. After he finishes he notices that the Pope is still standing in the car park so he asks ‘Why have you not got in, your Holiness?’ To which the Pope replies ‘I was wondering if I could drive. The Cardinals don’t let me drive in the Vatican and I enjoy it so.’ The chauffeur, not wanting to argue with the Pope, reluctantly gets into the back seat himself. Then, to his horror, the Pope floors it out of the airport and onto the motorway, doing twice the speed limit. It wasn’t long before a police patrol bike orders them to pull over. After the Pope had wound down his window, the patrol officer takes one look and goes back to his bike to radio his senior officer.
‘Sir, I caught someone speeding.’
‘Well, haul them in them’.
‘It’s not that simple sir, it’s someone famous.’
‘Who? The mayor?’
‘No sir’.
‘The president?’
‘No, Sir. I think it’s God, sir.’
‘WHAT! Why do you think that?’
‘Well sir, he’s got the Pope as his limo driver.’
I went out with a posh girl once. It didn’t work out…., she gave me lobsters.
Who said defeat is good?
Bob Marley’s chiropodist
A woman standing nude in front of the mirror says to her husband, ‘I look horrible, fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.’ And the husband replies ‘Well, your eyesight is spot on.’
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn’t budget.
What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Philipe Flop
