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Funny things drunk people say

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bethaknee

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I thought this would be an interesting topic. I was out and about Saturday, and a drunk guy at the store I was at asked me if I had kids. I said I don't, to which he replied "Well, if you have any tomorrow, Happy Mother's Day!"

I thought that was rather funny. 🙂 What are some funny things you have heard drunk people say?
 
I was once walking near a church where a historical figure is buried. A special type of drunk shouted from the other side of the road if I knew where their grave was. It was unclear whether they were asking me the way or offering to show me but as I was a stranger obviously doing something else it was weird. Not wanting to engage I replied;

"Probably where they buried them mate"

As I walked away they shouted after me.

"What time is the exhumation!..."
 
Bethan83 said:
I thought this would be an interesting topic. I was out and about Saturday, and a drunk guy at the store I was at asked me if I had kids. I said I don't, to which he replied "Well, if you have any tomorrow, Happy Mother's Day!"

I thought that was rather funny. 🙂 What are some funny things you have heard drunk people say?
Click to expand...

lol,i have heard myself say some pretty crazy things while drunk but i cant remember them :drunktype: 😛
 
shippyshippy said:
"I love you."
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LMFAO!!!!!

Shippy, with this one, I think you have become my favorite commenter of all time!

I once had dinner with a drunk who was a good cook. He made a meal, and after it was over I said, "That chicken was delicious!"

He slurred....."Damn good oven!"

*****

My ex, who was such a drunk she got the shakes and went into alcoholic comas, that was fun, anyways....one time she was tipsy and we were on the couch and I was playing with her hands, just caressing them and looking down at them and she said happily and proudly..."Those are my cooking hands!" lol.
 
I once had an extended argument with a friend about the age of SpongeBob SquarePants. Jack Daniels was involved.
 
I had to remove a excessively drunk man from the building I was in charge of once. He was insisting that he was "papa smurf, " that he needed to go defend his people, and that I needed to respect his authority. I asked him "where are your people then if your in charge of them?" He says "they're in the basement. They were kidnapped!" I told him it was ok, I already saved them and sent them all home. He stood there for a moment processing it. Finally he says "shit I better go find them." Then he turns and leaves.

He genuinely believed he was papa smurf. That's what a canister of vodka and a bottle of hand sanitizer will do to you folks.
 
I was the DD once, so my friends very loudly had a discussion about how Jesus hates craisins
 
I remember there was an SNL skit where they said "drunk people are the wisest people in the world." And they encouraged you to listen to them.
 
Bethan83 said:
Oooo...I look forward to hearing any, if you remember them. 😛
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Haha, I had a fine time last night, but thanks to the booming pot industry here I got to have lots of fun and only had a few beers. Colorado has got it right!

On that note, I did refer to my bank as Wells Fraggle last night.
 
shippyshippy said:
Haha, I had a fine time last night, but thanks to the booming pot industry here I got to have lots of fun and only had a few beers. Colorado has got it right!

On that note, I did refer to my bank as Wells Fraggle last night.
Click to expand...

Wells Fraggle....is that like, Fraggle Rock but in a well instead of a cave? 😉
 
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