Growing up

[ticklebug101]

Hey folks.
I'm 26 and I still live at home with my parents and my big sister. I know, it seems unusual, especialy to some folks on here who have lived alone since they graduated high school or something. But I've never lived alone. I have a disability called dyspraxia, if anyone is interested, google it, it has a site, and I suppose in a way, I've always felt safe and protected at home with mom and dad because they're the ones I go to when I need anything, which is normal for parents. Anyway, a few days back, my mom and I were talking about buying and renting property, and she said, as she always has, my sister and I can stay at home as long as we want, but, should anything happen to either one or both of my parents, God forbid, and the house was still a rental property, my sister and I would be given about a week to clear our stuff and get out. So, I've started to get some ideas of rental prices and related stuff. It's depressing, the idea of moving out scares me, but I've been thinking, when do you have to start thinking about growing up and living away from home?

 

[Rockerzord]

Well I personally think that the age varies between many countries but here we tend to move out on our own after we get a more stable life, after college and after getting a job, like maybe 25 onwards. My brother did it at 28, I'm still not even thinking about it till I get a job, and my parents don't exactly want to rush me on moving out 😛

 

[Cosmos]

I'm 23, in no position to move out yet. As far as when it's time to move out, that's for you to decide. I can live with my parents as long as I need to, provided I pay the rent I agreed to. I do plan on getting an apartment on my college campus next year though. I am ready to move out, I just can't afford it working ~20 hours a week at $8.50 an hour.

Sorry, I kinda got into my own personal thoughts about that. Maybe you can use it as a guide, if you feel like you can handle living on your own, by all means do it, honestly, eventually you will probably want to. 🙂

 

[DarkPoet]

Hey ticklebug.

I would encourage you to look at life a little differently. The stigma of when we're supposed to move out and what we're supposed to do with our lives is a bit narrow-minded. It used to be that we would spend our entire lives in the homes of our parents, inheriting their property and tending it for our children, and our parents when they are older. Don't succumb merely to a social concept of what makes an adult.

I think what you're struggling with, however, is that you feel like you're not an adult quote yet. Maybe because you're not financially independent or because you're still living with your parents (which could make anyone feel like a child if not careful). But perhaps now would be a good time for you to evaluate what it is that you want out of life. What you REALLY want out of life.

If you find that living at home with your parents is helping you in your path to reach what you want from life, then keep doing it. At the same time, be realistic about the world around you. Help your parents financially if you can. You don't need to move out to make yourself a very productive part of your current family. At the same time, keep placing one foot in front of the other on the path to your dreams. You'll find that once you're walking steadily down that path, life will be happier for you, and you'll feel fulfilled, even if you do live with your parents.

Now, this may sound like I'm trying to justify myself. I moved out when I was 18. I just turned 27. 8 months after I turned 26, I bought my first home. I do not believe that because of those things, I'm a better person. I can tell you right now that what has helped me do these things is that, when I was 12 / 13, I started doing what I was really passionate about. It was doing what I was passionate about that really helped me move forward with my life. If I'd needed to stay home to do it, I would have. As it turned out, I needed to move out for the proper education, and THAT was the reason I did. It wasn't because of some social expectation that I had to leave. My parents still consider that their home is my home. I will always be welcome there. I will be expected to do my share as a functional adult member of the family, of course, but that's life everywhere.

So, TLDR: Follow your dreams, not the social norm.

 

[dalekfire]

It certainly isn't bad to want to live at home, even at that age, if things seem to be working out for you and your family - and especially if you feel the need to be close to the ones you love, for protection or comfort or whatever. But that situation is certainly scary, as you said (God forbid), if anything happens, you'll only have a week to sort everything out.

In that case, it is probably for the best that you have at least a back-up plan, in case something does happen. Better to be safe than sorry, and I'm sure a rushed exit would feel even crappier and more depressing, so. If you do find a place, would you share it with your sister or something? Having a roommate will help lots, as you'll almost always have someone there to keep you company, and keep your mind off things. And if you've got the means for it, and enough buffer so you won't feel financially stressed moving on your own...well, all the better. 🙂

Whatever the case, you always know your family and friends are still there for you whenever you need them - even if not under the same roof!

 

[TheTickleMonster]

I feel your pain, bug. I am almost 30 and live with my mom because of my issue... the unemployment rate. Sometimes I hate it because well it sucks. It's not something I'm proud of but hopefully that'll change soon. And my mom's getting old so I worry about something happening to her and me not having anywhere else to go...

I don't think you're not grown up because you live at home. Sometimes there are situations where it's hard to move somewhere else. And about moving out. You try to move out as soon as possible, but don't move out because you feel you have to (especially if your parents are okay with it) Because if you do that and you're finacialy able to or other reasons, then you could get into real trouble.

 

[MacD]

Some people have grown up, some others still have not.
Some people still live "at home", some others don't.
But I don't see a direct relation between both facts.

I know cool guys that lived with their parents with 30 and others that went away pretty early and still are not adults in their mind. Of course they think they are which makes them even more childish...

Be yourself, don't be "mom's little boy" and you won't have to worry that much. My opinion.

 

[ticklebug101]

Thanks folks, this is helpful. Dalek, if anything does happen then yes, I probably will live with my sister. Due to my disability she's very protective and I know she would hate for me to live by myself.

 

[Beckers1]

I for one don't really have parents, mom left me with my dad when I was young and my father passed away 2 years ago. That being said, I still don't feel grown up. Just because I'm living on my own, I don't feel any sense of accomplishment or independence because I wasn't ready to be on my own then and I'm still not now. Most of the time I'm overwhelmed with finances and bills and wasn't really prepared for any of it.

If you have the choice to stay where you are and figure out your life's direction you should probably do just that. Like was said before it's not really a matter of where your living that makes you grown up it's your state of mind. Don't feel as though you're not living to potential just because you're not at the same stage of life as others happen to be because you're unique, and just need some more time.

 

[tickle_fan031]

I'm 26 and desperate to move out of my parents but can't coz money is stopping me. I am already paying off debt to my parents and uni debts that only being in a temporary job doesn't give me the stability to do that. But as soon as I get a permanent job I'll be looking to move straight out. I am eager to get some independence. Whenever my parents go away I love having the house to myself- so it's always nice to have a taste of it even if it is only for a short while. Every so often i look at rental properties and daydream about living there. Although that said heard on the news the other day it is actually cheaper to buy and house than rent at the moment.
You could probably move out but live close by to your family then youve got the best of both worlds. Besides they would only be a phonecall away anyway. Don't blame you for being cautious but at the same time you can't live your life in fear with what ifs etc coz you'd end up doing nothing and be in the same position 30/40 years down the line.

 

[ticklebug101]

Yeah Helen I know, we've had this discussion before. I guess some peope are just more indipendant then me and more willing to move out. It will take practise for sure, I'm not used to being on my own for long periods of time. I couldn't even sleep when I came to see you and that was only for a weekend. But if mum and dad are close, it could work.

 

[FoePaw]

Bug, I think it makes sense to venture out while you still have the option to move back home available to you if it came to that. Plus, you still have the comfort of home if you need it while finding your own stride.

Putting the practical issues aside, do I guess correctly that having a disability is the main source of your fear? Just because you move out doesn't mean your parents will stop being your parents, does it? They'll still be there to help you when you need it.

I simply reached a point one day when I knew it was time to go. I don't know if that happens for everyone. I've heard many people give this as their reason for moving out, and it was true for me as well, but I just couldn't stand to be around my parents for that much time anymore, even though I of course still loved them.

It sounds like you WANT to be on your own. But you're the only one who can answer that. But don't look at it like you're burning bridges, and it's an all or nothing deal. It sounds like you've got support in place should things not go like you would want. It makes sense to me to take advantage of that if indeed something is stirring inside you that says maybe it's worth a try, given the financial way is clear as well.

 

[Rox_My_Sox1]

Um, okay Bug hun. Couple of questions. Both your sis and you live with your Mum and Dad in this "rental" place correct? Do either you or your sister have a job or are you both on SSI/Disability? Also, you mention your Mom/Dad are thinking of getting another place. Is this a PURCHASE of property or are they renting again? Do you know how to do finances? If so, would the landlord of this "rental" your living in be willing to alter the name on the lease to you and your sister? Lemme know and I'll see how best to advise ya hun. ^_~

 

[ticklebug101]

Sox, neither me or my sister has a job, that's the main reason we live at home, we can't afford not to. But we're working on the whole unemployment thing. I'm on disability, just me, not my sister. Mom and dad aren't getting another house, they want to buy the one we have. Someday anyway, money is not great right now. Dad quit his job a couple years ago. No, I can't do finances, I suck at math, it still shocks me that I passed in high school lol. Thanks sox.

 

[Chris Prime]

Bug, I feel your Pain & Dilemma. 🙁

I'm 26 and desperate to move out of my parents but can't coz money is stopping me. I am already paying off debt to my parents and uni debts that only being in a temporary job doesn't give me the stability to do that. But as soon as I get a permanent job I'll be looking to move straight out. I am eager to get some independence. Whenever my parents go away I love having the house to myself- so it's always nice to have a taste of it even if it is only for a short while. Every so often i look at rental properties and daydream about living there. Although that said heard on the news the other day it is actually cheaper to buy and house than rent at the moment.
You could probably move out but live close by to your family then youve got the best of both worlds. Besides they would only be a phonecall away anyway. Don't blame you for being cautious but at the same time you can't live your life in fear with what ifs etc coz you'd end up doing nothing and be in the same position 30/40 years down the line.

Indeed. I'm 30 now, and still living with my parents due to financial difficulties. :cry
But I do have a job, but I work within the family.
Sometimes it sucks to be me. But I'm trying not to get it to me.

 

[Miss Sassy1]

Wow Bugs,

i know the feeling. I'm 23 years old, going on 24 in a few months, and I still live at home with my parents. That mostly due to the fact that I've got several disabilitiles, and I'm in college at the moment. I thought about moving in a small apartment by myself, but I"m not going to be like my brother and move out right away, just so you can have a life of party. If you're comfortable where you are, and you're parents don't mind you living with them, I suggest you stay with them for as long as you can. Sure, it'd suck because every time a friend comes down, you'd have to rent a hotel. Then again, 😉 You're parents may not mind having guests if they don't know where you met them :stickout. But yeah, I see where you're going with this. >< I can't drive, I can't cook, and I don't have a job, and I'm a full time student at WKU. So yeah, definitely not ready to move out on my own. ><

 

[Regal]

For the past eight years I've been living by myself. It's great.

 

[PlutoBum]

in this economy, there's no shame in living at home...i don't make enough to be able to live on my own, let alone support my cat as well and i'm 25. if you're not comfortable with it yet, i wouldn't move out. until you're perfectly ready, save up and keep a weather eye open for good deals!