Bill, I'm very sorry to hear that about your daughters, and their mom. It is great that they have you there as their anchor. I have just the opposite.
Iam estranged from my father. We haven't spoken since March, 2004. This isnt the first time. We have had other estrangements where we were basically out of each other's lives for ten years, and didnt talk for 2 to 3 years at a time at all. He has very serious emotional problems, where he can live just fine without his only child, me, for years, because he cannot at age 35 control who I love, who I see, and how I live my life. Most on here know of my blood pressure issues. Well, when he was contacted about such when I found about the problem this March, he had no reaction. His agenda was to get me away from my mom, to have me sucking up to his family, and the woman he's married to, at any cost, and to have me "his way". Sorry, it wont work. I truly believe we will be estranged forever, because Iam tired of his antics. Of course, I feel saddened about it, but there is nothing I can do. He went to therapy for years in the 80s, only to want to hear that he was "right". The reason for my mom's and his divorce is the same reason why I cant be with him. I was talking to him in 2003, when he found he had a heart problem, and needed angioplasty. I immediately told him I would go to New York to be present for the procedure. While I knew his family, including my grandmother and uncle, who were the cause of this mess, and who I havent seen for 17 years, would be there, I told him I would be civil to them. He became outrageous, and ordered me that I had to have a "relationship" with them first, before I could see them in such a situation. It was an outrage, and he thus banned me from coming to the hospital. That was the beginning of the end, one thing led to another, which led to this.
Thank God for my mom. I treasure her every day. She has had to be both mother and father to me, and has even when we lived with him. My father is a shell, and hates me worse than anyone on the face of this earth, irrationally. Any parent who lives fine without his or her children, as my father has for years, has serious emotional problems. No one can help him, because he doesnt want to be helped. He only wants to be right.
Iam very sorry about your daughters and their mom. That is a tradegy. Thank heavens for them that they have you, as I have my mom. Thankfully, in both situations, the children who had parents that they were estranged from, had excellent solo parents to nuture them. Being estranged from a parent is one of the greatest tradegies of life, but I will not let him control me. It is, as tragic a situation as it is, better for me this way, than to be with my father as he is.
Happy father's day to you, Bill. I hope you enjoy the day with your daughters. I will be going to a movie with my mom tomorrow. As for my father, let him spend it with all the people he sold me down the river for my whole life, and reflect on what might have been if he had been a human being to me.
Best wishes to you Bill,
Mitch
