Hard limits?

[Artoo]

So here's something that's probably been asked before, albeit not recently.

Can you name any spots that you actually hate being tickled? Not hate as in a love-hate relationship, I mean in a place that you actually don't want to be tickled, and that if someone 'lerred you there you would consider it a serious breach of trust.
Also, why do you think it is that you can't bring yourself to let people tickle you there?

Personally, nobody's found a spot like that on me, but I've heard the term hard limits tossed around sometimes, and was curious.

 

[milagros317]

I do have hard limits in BDSM play, but I don't have any hard limits about tickle spots. 😀

 

[rhiannon]

Ears, nose, neck, face in general. Want to commit suicide? Tickle me there!

 

[sasaxrah]

Like you Artoo, I haven't found a spot that is off-limits to everyone. However, the parts I cover with underwear/bra are a hard limit to anyone but my boyfriend. Not because I can't stand it, but because ya know, I'm a lady. 😀

 

[ViperGTS]

First of all, I think the only "hard" limits a sub should be allowed to have are "No Urine/Scat/Fart play", "No Animals", "No Blood", and "No Children."

Hard limits involving tickling, spanking, nipple play, knife play, blah blah blah, are ridiculous.

I am actually severely less inclined to play with someone who claims to have "hard limits" whether they are things I enjoy or not, simply because I see it as a sign of close-mindedness - but then again, that may be hypocritical in and of itself.

But thats my story and I am sticking to it.

 

[BellaRisa]

I've known a few fools who think it's cute to tickle the nostrils. That's asking for my foot someplace you don't want it; I consider it a hard limit though it rarely comes up. Other than that, I have different hard limits with different people (which some may call a 'soft' limit. I don't. Shut up.) I've discovered over the years that one 'ler may be completely fine touching a certain place while another just can't get their groove on with that area on me no matter how many times they try, either it HURTS or its otherwise unpleasant and it's best if they just play someplace else 🙂

 

[Tortuga]

Well it's not up to you on what limitations should be and shouldn't be. As a Dom you should respect your submissives limits, the scat/pee/vomit play, etc, etc might be your limits but then again it may not be the submissives. They just might enjoy that stuff that we find absolutely disgusting. But hey there are folks that find us tickle freaks disgusting.

Back to topic....I can't stand being tickled under my arms, or around my butt.

 

[rhiannon]

First of all, I think the only "hard" limits a sub should be allowed to have are "No Urine/Scat/Fart play", "No Animals", "No Blood", and "No Children."

Hard limits involving tickling, spanking, nipple play, knife play, blah blah blah, are ridiculous.

I am actually severely less inclined to play with someone who claims to have "hard limits" whether they are things I enjoy or not, simply because I see it as a sign of close-mindedness - but then again, that may be hypocritical in and of itself.

But thats my story and I am sticking to it.

You are aware though that some of us who are on here and 'lees are not actual subs, right? 🙂

I for example am FAR from being a sub! And when I say "I don't like that" whoever plays with me better respects it!

And what in the world do limits and dislikes have to do with being close-minded??

 

[Wolf]

Easy...

You are aware though that some of us who are on here and 'lees are not actual subs, right? 🙂

I for example am FAR from being a sub! And when I say "I don't like that" whoever plays with me better respects it!

And what in the world do limits and dislikes have to do with being close-minded??

If I don't like what you like, that's just my personal preference.
If you don't like what I like, that's being closed-minded.

 

[BellaRisa]

what in the world do limits and dislikes have to do with being close-minded??

What he's saying, given the conversations he and I have had on this subject, is that if you won't even let someone try to work with your Hard Limit and see if they can get you to enjoy the way they play with that area then you're closed-minded and not open to possibilities. I don't necessarily agree, it's not like there's some Nostril Guru who can magically make me enjoy having that area messed with, but I can kinda see where Viper's coming from since everyone's style is different. 🙂

Having said that, ever notice that it's the Top-only players that make statements like this? I really think you need to be fully familiar with both sides of the rope to understand Hard Limit and this:

Hard limits involving tickling, spanking, nipple play, knife play, blah blah blah, are ridiculous.

is just plain insulting and alienating to a LOT of folks here...

 

[rhiannon]

What he's saying, given the conversations he and I have had on this subject, is that if you won't even let someone try to work with your Hard Limit and see if they can get you to enjoy the way they play with that area than you're closed-minded.

Uh...well....I know it's my hard limit because I tried it before, and like you said, Bella, just because it's someone else won't change that. The only thing it would probably do it piss me off beyong belief and end the session rather quickly.

Having said that, ever notice that it's the Top-only players that make statements like this? I really think you need to be fully familiar with both sides of the rope to understand Hard Limit

Agreed!!! Viper, if what we talked about last night is ever going to happen, how do you feel about switching??

 

[ViperGTS]

I can respect anyone's limits. But if someone's "hard limits" happen to be something I enjoy doing, and they are not willing to entertain the notion of trying something as a result, I simply don't play with that person. Period.

If a submissive play partner of mine wants to try something that I do not like but is not on the scat/pee/blood/child/animal list, I am willing to educate myself about it and give it a try. For instance, I was very very against anal for the longest time because it just wasn't my thing. Then I had a partner who really, really, REALLY wanted to try it, and you know what? I enjoy it now.

I was also against knife play for the longest time, thinking it was dangerous and foolish. Then I had a partner who wanted to give it a shot, and since then, I love the feel of a trembling girl held against me by the blade of a knife. 😀

Then again, I am someone who likes to think I have no limits aside from m/m play, I simply haven't tried everything yet. I'm happy to try anything once* - many of you lees and subs can't say the same. 😉

*that doesn't involve sexual contact with another male

Agreed!!! Viper, if what we talked about last night is ever going to happen, how do you feel about switching??

I don't switch for a reason - and, the same way I don't play with someone who is unable to try to acommodate my preferences - if my play partner is not happy unless I can sub for them, they are entitled to hit the road at their discretion. 🙂

 

[Wolf]

Good point!

Having said that, ever notice that it's the Top-only players that make statements like this? I really think you need to be fully familiar with both sides of the rope to understand Hard Limit

That may be why you rarely (if ever) see female Top-players getting offended about a someone else's Hard Limits; they've usually spent a bit of time on the other side, as well.

Or, it could just be that women aren't as sensitive about their own likes/dislikes. 😈

 

[BellaRisa]

I can respect anyone's limits. But if someone's "hard limits" happen to be something I enjoy doing, and they are not willing to entertain the notion of trying something as a result, I simply don't play with that person. Period.

If a submissive play partner of mine wants to try something that I do not like but is not on the scat/pee/blood/child/animal list, I am willing to educate myself about it and give it a try. For instance, I was very very against anal for the longest time because it just wasn't my thing. Then I had a partner who really, really, REALLY wanted to try it, and you know what? I enjoy it now.

I was also against knife play for the longest time, thinking it was dangerous and foolish. Then I had a partner who wanted to give it a shot, and since then, I love the feel of a trembling girl held against me by the blade of a knife. 😀

Then again, I am someone who likes to think I have no limits aside from m/m play, I simply haven't tried everything yet. I'm happy to try anything once* - many of you lees and subs can't say the same. 😉

*that doesn't involve sexual contact with another male



I don't switch for a reason - and, the same way I don't play with someone who is unable to try to acommodate my preferences - if my play partner is not happy unless I can sub for them, they are entitled to hit the road at their discretion. 🙂

Dude, you're making yourself out to be far more rigid than you actually are. For instance, you like strapping. If I'd told you belt strapping was a Hard Limit due to childhood issues (which was the truth with me for a LONG time, ask Adam), I highly doubt you'd have told me to hit the road; we'd have simply done something else, since between the two of us there are a lot of possibilities . Being accomodating to a play-partner's needs even if you don't always agree with them actually makes you a better Dom than Big Bad Master Elroy down the street who has to have *everything* he wants and doesn't believe in safewords and yadda dadda; those are the guys who are always alone and whine on Collarme about how no subs are 'real' and we all just 'play games' . And, sometimes it's about the bottom's ideals and personal philosophies rather than the Top's skills.

 

[ViperGTS]

Well, I'm a jackass who has no idea what he's doing, so who am I to talk. 😀

Speaking of strapping...do you know how nice my belt looks on your ass?

 

[rhiannon]

I can respect anyone's limits. But if someone's "hard limits" happen to be something I enjoy doing, and they are not willing to entertain the notion of trying something as a result, I simply don't play with that person. Period.

So every play partner of you has to like EVERYTHING you like, and just because they aren't willing to try part of it you wouldn't play with them? Seriously....I don't belieeeeeeve you! 🙂 If that actually is the case though, then you might be missing a lot of fun!

If a submissive play partner of mine wants to try something that I do not like but is not on the scat/pee/blood/child/animal list, I am willing to educate myself about it and give it a try. For instance, I was very very against anal for the longest time because it just wasn't my thing. Then I had a partner who really, really, REALLY wanted to try it, and you know what? I enjoy it now.

Do you enjoy it actively or passively??

I don't switch for a reason

Well, other people have hard limits for a reason too! 🙂

 

[Tiger.Lily]

Like you Artoo, I haven't found a spot that is off-limits to everyone. However, the parts I cover with underwear/bra are a hard limit to anyone but my boyfriend. Not because I can't stand it, but because ya know, I'm a lady. 😀

This. And I do have one hard limit when it comes to tickling that isn't a spot issue. Gang tickling. Not okay with it. Ever. Don't do it.

First of all, I think the only "hard" limits a sub should be allowed to have are "No Urine/Scat/Fart play", "No Animals", "No Blood", and "No Children."

Hard limits involving tickling, spanking, nipple play, knife play, blah blah blah, are ridiculous.

This has to be the most ignorant thing I've ever heard you say. Just because you're the "Dom" doesn't mean you get to dictate what hard limits a submissive has. And something dangerous like knife play? How in the world is that ridiculous? Personally, there are VERY few people I would EVER trust with a knife against my flesh and were we to ever have a session again, there's absolutely zero chance it would enter the scene. There's nothing ridiculous about a person's personal boundaries.

That being said, I do agree with you in the general concept that people should be open-minded to new experiences and try different things, but hard limits are generally hard limits for a reason. I have a hard limit against gang tickling. And that's a hard fucking limit. I get panic attacks and it relates back to childhood experiences that were more than a little traumatizing.

You're my friend. I do care for you. And I'm sorry to be so blunt. But it's absolutely not your place to say whether or not a hard limit is justified, "ridiculous", or "not allowed". I hope that you listen better than the impression you're giving because had this been the first time I had heard your opinion on this, we never would have sessioned in May. And I'd be willing to bet a lot of potential play partners would be uncomfortable with this, as well.

 

[rhiannon]

O yeah...gang tickling. There's another one! 🙂 Tickling for me is a one-on-one-thing. 🙂

 

[BellaRisa]

Well, I'm a jackass who has no idea what he's doing, so who am I to talk. 😀

Speaking of strapping...do you know how nice my belt looks on your ass?

Stop it, you're not a jackass and you do know what you're doing; I've just noticed that you, like a lot of young/new Doms, are more flexible and understanding in reality than on paper. What sounds Domly and what actually *is* Domly can be different, that's all 🙂

As for your belt and my posterior, Adam says I was built for the strap and the paddle so I can imagine...

 

[ViperGTS]

While playing or sessioning with a friend who I am not in a long-term relationship with, I always respect their 'hard limits' and never question their preferences unless it's something they are unsure about and are willing to try. You and I, Euphoricy, fall into this area - we're friends and I will respect your limits happily because our friendship is not something I want to change.

When I have a sexual relationship with someone, I am the Dominant. Period. This is something that is established from the start, and my sexuality is extremely important to me. If I cannot be sexually happy with the person I am with, then I cannot be fully happy in that relationship. Call it cheuvanistic or shallow or whatever, but that's the way I am wired. During the "courting" period, my partner's sexual needs, as well as my own, are made clear to each other, and if there is a need in there that one of us is either unable or unwilling to fulfill, the sex life likely will not work out. For instance, if a new romantic interest of mine is either not ticklish at all, or detests being tickled and will never tolerate it, then she and I obviously cannot be a couple. The same goes for an SO's 'hard limits' - if she has a hard limit about having her feet tickled, but everywhere else is fine, we will discuss slowly working on that issue in and of itself to see if it can be overcome with the right kind of gentle acclimation - if it cannot be overcome, and she is unwilling to 'allow' me to find another playpartner who WILL let me tickle her feet, the relationship will soon end.

Before you start calling my opinions and personal life choices ignorant, keep in mind one thing - I have no problem with other people's 'hard limits' as far as they are concerned. You're allowed to dislike, hate, or panic about anything you want. If someone wants to play with me, we need to have some common ground in order to get along, but if I am going to have a relationship with someone, it's either complete compatibility or nothing.

 

[Wolf]

That's not compatibilty...

While playing or sessioning with a friend who I am not in a long-term relationship with, I always respect their 'hard limits' and never question their preferences unless it's something they are unsure about and are willing to try. You and I, Euphoricy, fall into this area - we're friends and I will respect your limits happily because our friendship is not something I want to change.

When I have a sexual relationship with someone, I am the Dominant. Period. This is something that is established from the start, and my sexuality is extremely important to me. If I cannot be sexually happy with the person I am with, then I cannot be fully happy in that relationship. Call it cheuvanistic or shallow or whatever, but that's the way I am wired. During the "courting" period, my partner's sexual needs, as well as my own, are made clear to each other, and if there is a need in there that one of us is either unable or unwilling to fulfill, the sex life likely will not work out. For instance, if a new romantic interest of mine is either not ticklish at all, or detests being tickled and will never tolerate it, then she and I obviously cannot be a couple. The same goes for an SO's 'hard limits' - if she has a hard limit about having her feet tickled, but everywhere else is fine, we will discuss slowly working on that issue in and of itself to see if it can be overcome with the right kind of gentle acclimation - if it cannot be overcome, and she is unwilling to 'allow' me to find another playpartner who WILL let me tickle her feet, the relationship will soon end.

Before you start calling my opinions and personal life choices ignorant, keep in mind one thing - I have no problem with other people's 'hard limits' as far as they are concerned. You're allowed to dislike, hate, or panic about anything you want. If someone wants to play with me, we need to have some common ground in order to get along, but if I am going to have a relationship with someone, it's either complete compatibility or nothing.

That's a blow-up doll.

 

[ViperGTS]

Now that is just silly. 🙂 A blow up doll is an inanimate object and therefore can't be ticklish, which means that relationship would be doomed right out of the gate!

I just know what I want.

 

[rhiannon]

And here is little me believing the most important thing in a relationship was love!

 

[BellaRisa]

That's a blow-up doll.

No...that's a submissive woman yielding to the wishes of her Dominant, and if they're both happy there's nothing wrong with it 🙂

I actually agree with what Viper wrote; why should people stay in relationships that aren't sexually fulfilling? Then they wonder why so much cheating happens 🙄 One of my significant others is a spanking fetishist who loves wooden paddles so much I think it might be a separate kink; if I 100% refused to play with wooden toys we'd be miserable and would never have lasted these 10 yrs, I had to learn to compromise and he had to learn to make it nice for me. Sometimes anyways

 

[Wolf]

No, you're right.

And here is little me believing the most important thing in a relationship was love!

But a 'relationship' like the one described above is about a different kind of love...