How do you explain...?

[BrightEyes1082]

That you have another family? How can you tell your friends and family that you have this entire other world full of people you love, who love you, whom you'd do anything for, and it all started on an internet forum? How do you keep it to yourself?

When you're moving to be closer to those people, how do you explain to your worried family that you already have the best support network ever made?

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Show them, darlin.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Show them how?

 

[Tamia78]

DAMN good question, Manda!

Any way you can just sit down and talk to them? I'm sure you and your family are very close. It might take some getting used to from them, but if they love you, they could surprise you and actually trust your judgement. Never know.

Good luck!

--T

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Show them how?

Depends..

If they know about this site, then through your pictures and even some threads here. The best one being everyone coming together for Ray.

You also need to know that they may never 'get it'. This is just too foreign to some folks. It's more then a tickling thing for many of us here. It's a close knit family of friends and (for some: lovers.).

But, because we are all united through this forum and it's meaning.. it will be all some will focus on. Not the friendship element.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

My mom is very conservative (as am I, but only politically 😛 ) and she thinks I'm moving to NH to live near people I barely know. But I feel like I've known them, especially Lee, my whole life. It's just impossible to explain! Like, I don't have to explain it to you guys, because you get it. The family? Not so much. *sigh*

 

[Snail Shell]

It's the family you choose. Biology can only go so far.

As for telling her, not just moving closer to Lee, but moving away from home is something every child has to do at some point. It's a necessary and important part of the life cycle. And yes, some parents have trouble letting go.

It's a 'you' thing.

Snail Shell

 

[BrightEyes1082]

I think I can safely say that my family has gone through some horrendous things while I was growing up, and each thing bonded my mom and I closer together. It's like I've become an extension of her, to a point. It's really just devastating her that I'm going.

All that aside, even if I were staying, I still don't know how to share with the rest of the people I love, that I have this whole other amazing family.

 

[slacker2114]

Considering I have poor relations with my blood relatives, my method may not work for you. However, if you'd like to know, I'd simply say that I'm a grown man (you'd say woman, of course) and I need to get on with my life. You know, time to move on and make my own way in the world where I want.

It sounds kind of cold to put it that way, but often times, it tends to discourage interference from those who feel it a need to impose on the younger family members' lives. As I said, that method may not work for you but I wouldn't rule it out entirely. It could end up saving you a lot of unwanted arguements and future hard feelings.

Anyway, no matter what method you choose, good luck.

 

[minerva]

Why not tell her everything BUT the tickling aspect if you feel that might bother her too much.
Tell her about the forum, how you met people at 'parties', how close you became with some of them, but simply don't tell her what kind of forum it is.
Maybe it's a good idea to let her talk on the phone to some of your friends - Lee for example.
The more you let her be part of it, the less she will worry.

Good luck with that and also with the move 🙂

 

[Strider]

I'm actually 'out' to most of my immediate family as being a Lifestyler. To be honest, it wasn't particularly difficult for me, but I come from a relatively liberal family, so I could understand that's not everyone's situation.

 

[baldadonis]

Its a tough situation, Amanda. I personally wouldn't ever choose to tell my parents about the TMF and my interests unless I had a very compelling reason to do so. That being said, you do, so I'll try to help as best I can.

I agree with Jo that perhaps the best thing to do is talk candidly with your mom about the people you have met in this community. You don't necessarily have to mention or dwell on the tickling or s/m aspect. Let her know that these are people who you talk to online or on the phone daily, that you've met many times in addition and feel very comfortable with. Perhaps take some threads that best show the communal nature of this forum.

Ultimately, you know your mom the best. Even if you come clean about us and exactly what this forum means to you, will she get it? If you think she will, then it may be worth the effort. If she won't, maybe then you'll just have to demonstrate over time that this move is the best thing for you.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

My mom has met Lee. They even walked a marathon together! She thinks we are friends, which we are, but doesn't know (obviously) about our D/s relationship.

I talk a bit about some of my TMF friends, though I haven't said how I met them, but I'm limited in how much I can say before she will ask questions. Know what I mean? And I just can't get across just how much my TMF friends mean to me, and how much I know I mean to them.

 

[Ayla ny]

No need for details. Just be the happiest you have ever been. That makes Moms love whoever is involved, and ask fewer questions. 😉

I know this to be true as a Mom and as a daughter. 🙂

 

[BrightEyes1082]

I can only hope. You guys are all amazing. Thanks for the replies.

 

[BellaRisa]

No need for details. Just be the happiest you have ever been. That makes Moms love whoever is involved, and ask fewer questions. 😉

I know this to be true as a Mom and as a daughter. 🙂

Let me echo Ayla. As a mom and an adult daughter, details and the level of understanding you mention aren't necessary. Once you're over 18 mothers don't need to know the deep bits of your personal life, if you're happy and you're taking care of yourself it'll show and that should be enough. These days many, many friendships and longterm relationships begin online, it's something the older generations are simply having to adjust to and accept. Heck, my husband's mom (who's been *my* mom since I was 19) came to OH from Vermont and stayed for two weeks when my hubby was ill in 2005; while she was here she met several of my local BDSM and spanking community friends and my Dom/boyfriend (!). I told her we all met through online communities and that they're our best friends, which is all the truth, and that was that. She saw how they came through for us and how I couldn't have gotten through his illness without them, and now she loves them and asks about them every time we talk .

Of course she also found all my old spanking DVDs in the basement while 'cleaning', she dusted them and put them in alphabetical order, but that's a different thread

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Let me echo Ayla. As a mom and an adult daughter, details and the level of understanding you mention aren't necessary. Once you're over 18 mothers don't need to know the deep bits of your personal life, if you're happy and you're taking care of yourself it'll show and that should be enough. These days many, many friendships and longterm relationships begin online, it's something the older generations are simply having to adjust to and accept. Heck, my husband's mom (who's been *my* mom since I was 19) came to OH from Vermont and stayed for two weeks when my hubby was ill in 2005; while she was here she met several of my local BDSM and spanking community friends and my Dom/boyfriend (!). I told her we all met through online communities and that they're our best friends, which is all the truth, and that was that. She saw how they came through for us and how I couldn't have gotten through his illness without them, and now she loves them and asks about them every time we talk .

Of course she also found all my old spanking DVDs in the basement while 'cleaning', she dusted them and put them in alphabetical order, but that's a different thread

My mom always asks lots of questions, she likes to know the details until I tell her too much, then she says, that was way too much info.

She's met Lee, loves Lee, but can't grasp why I'm moving 900 miles. And all I can really tell her is it feels right. And I'm not doing this based on feelings, it really did work out. I'm working for the same company, they paid for the entire move, including my best friend from work to fly with me so I can take both dogs at the same time, and it really couldn't have worked out any smoother. Everything fell right into place.

But Mom doesn't understand all of the people I have up there as a support network. She thinks I'm going off into the sunset on my own. I guess it won't really show until I can share with her how much they've done for me.

 

[Artoo]

My mum and dad were both raised in atmospheres where anything "new" was considered suspect. Neither of them had television in the house (though my dad being from the north of Sri Lanka, they only got electricity in the house when he was about 16), and we didn't have a computer in the house until I was about 10 or 11, mainly because of my mum worrying about all the predators on the internet.

Even now, I believe my mother would worry about her son talking to and meeting with "complete strangers". Hell, it's one of the reasons that I joined the community as late as I did.

To that end, no one in my family knows I frequent this community, or indeed any other community. But then, they don't know a lot about my life, as I see no real need to inform them.
I rarely rely on them for support, it's usually the other way round.😎

Edit: Plus, because of their victorian attitudes towards sexuality, I'd not tell them even if they were open to the idea of internet communities.

 

[AffectionateDan]

Srsly?

I hereby invoke DVNC. *wriggles nose, nods head and blinks*

Dave has some excellent insight into this very situation. Granted, his mom is a very unique lady. But still.

And besides, your biological family DOESN'T want to know that much about your personal life, just as you wouldn't wanna know this much about theirs. Simply tell them just enough. Don't volunteer any more information than you have to to answer their question. They don't have a need to know, nor do they really want to. All they want and need is to know that you're safe and happy and loved.

 

[BellaRisa]

But Mom doesn't understand all of the people I have up there as a support network. She thinks I'm going off into the sunset on my own. I guess it won't really show until I can share with her how much they've done for me.

Reminds me of when I, born and raised in inner city Brooklyn, turned down going to NYU for theater (makes sense) to attend the University of Vermont. For theater (!) That was in 1990 and the family is *still* quietly scratching their afros in a uniform 'WTF' over that one . And that had nothing to do with online or anything adult, it just felt right. So I went, had a ball, and made friends for life; including the redheaded farm boy I married three yrs later . Then in 1998 he said we should move to Ohio, and *both* our families said a collective "OHIO?? WTH is WITH those two???" 😛 But we moved anyway, again because it felt right. We met even more friends for life including my other Sigificant Other of the last 9 yrs, I opened BellaRisa and became a board member of two different BDSM groups here...when you follow your heart and listen to your own drums it can confound people who love you but can't here that rythym the way you can. But it really does show in your happiness, and your mom will see you shine

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Reminds me of when I, born and raised in inner city Brooklyn, turned down going to NYU for theater (makes sense) to attend the University of Vermont. For theater (!) That was in 1990 and the family is *still* quietly scratching their afros in a uniform 'WTF' over that one . And that had nothing to do with online or anything adult, it just felt right. So I went, had a ball, and made friends for life; including the redheaded farm boy I married three yrs later . Then in 1998 he said we should move to Ohio, and *both* our families said a collective "OHIO?? WTH is WITH those two???" 😛 But we moved anyway, again because it felt right. We met even more friends for life including my other Sigificant Other of the last 9 yrs, I opened BellaRisa and became a board member of two different BDSM groups here...when you follow your heart and listen to your own drums it can confound people who love you but can't here that rythym the way you can. But it really does show in your happiness, and your mom will see you shine

That's epic to hear. Thanks so much.

 

[Adam]

Personally, I think you're doing things exactly as you should be, Amanda. Your mom sounds like she is just... well, being a mom. Her baby is moving far from home and it will take some time to adjust. I think every good parent in that situation goes through that. But like anything else, she will adapt. Give it time.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Thanks Adam, and everyone for replying!

 

[Deleted member 66627]

We love ya, babes.


And-- Bella? -- You need to explain that story you mentioned about your mom finding your videos. I've been waiting patiently, and still have seen no thread or post!!!!

 

[BrightEyes1082]

We love ya, babes.


And-- Bella? -- You need to explain that story you mentioned about your mom finding your videos. I've been waiting patiently, and still have seen no thread or post!!!!

Yes please!!!