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How many diseases can you contract from a toilet seat?

Dussicar

Dussicar

2nd Level Green Feather
Joined
Aug 22, 2003
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No, this is not a riddle or joke.

Last saturday, my friend and I got wrecked and decided to order chinese food. We made the call and told them we wanted to pick it up from the resteraunt. It was the perfect opportunity for a nice drunken road trip.

Anyway, we made it downtown without any incident and entered the "establishment." While our order was being prepared I asked the head waiter if I could use their facilities. He directed me to a staircase that lead to their basement (this was not really an eating establishment so much as an order/pick up depot).

So, I headed downstairs using my lighter to guide my way in the dark to their lavatory, as they had no lights on in the basement. I sat down on the toilet only to find it saturated with " wet liquid of an unknown type." I did what little business I could muster and tried to wash up after (there was neither any soap or paper towels and only a few inches of toilet paper). I ended up rubbing my damp buttcheeks against the wall in drunken desperation to avoid gangrene or some shit like that...I already thouroughly wiped with what little paper I had before hand so, no, I didn't do what you are thinking...Just my buttcheeks on the wall to get rid of that unknown "moist" feeling.

Here I am, a week later and still hemming and hawing about whether I should go get a blood test just to make sure I didn't contract the new and latest super-virus.

I am not exactly very pro-active when it comes to my own well being, so I need you-the members of the TMF- to list as many diseases a person can contract as possible from sitting on a toilet seat to invigorate me to actually show a sense of self preservation in this matter and get a bona-fied blood test...Or...In other words, there might be a day when I actually attend NEST. You will inadvertantly shake my hand...Then were will you be?

Cleanse Dussicar before he spreads!
 
I heard theres not alot to worry about. plus when im in public restrooms, i always lick the seat clean first. :goodjob:
 
You are much more likely to catch a cold or flu from touching the faucet, the towel dispenser, or the door, where somebody with a cold or flu just touched it.

Unless you have an open cut or sore on your buttocks or the back of your thighs, you are quite unlikely to catch anything from the toilet seat.
 
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Dussicar said:
I sat down on the toilet only to find it saturated with " wet liquid of an unknown type." I did what little business I could muster and tried to wash up after (there was neither any soap or paper towels and only a few inches of toilet paper). I ended up rubbing my damp buttcheeks against the wall in drunken desperation to avoid gangrene or some shit like that...I already thouroughly wiped with what little paper I had before hand so, no, I didn't do what you are thinking...Just my buttcheeks on the wall to get rid of that unknown "moist" feeling.
Click to expand...

First of all... let me say... I feel for ya. There's been a couple times in my roommates house when his nephews have been over that I have gone into the bathroom, not really paid attention and sat on a wet toilet seat. There really can't be a more disgusting feeling... well... there can be but I don't even wanna go there.

So I understand and if I were in your shoes... er... britches... I'd be creeped out too.

Having said that...

Your description... It's been a long time since I have laughed that hard.
 
Dussicar, you have managed to completely repulse me with one paragraph!:omg:

I have no advice to give you, but I think I would've gone home and bathed in bleach if that happened to me.
 
Practically none. In fact, the toilet seat is generally one of the cleanest areas in a building. The doorknob is a much greater threat but to get HIV you need a rather large amount of bodily fluid. (the HIV virus cannot survive for long outside the human body and heptitis B is about 1000 times more infectious than HIV, the amount of blood required for infection is measured in milliters)

So no worries mate.
 
I remember reading a short story by Chuck Pahlaniuk where this lady purposely put crabs (of the pubic variety) on a public toilet seat in a men's room. then the guys would get crabs and the wives would think they were cheating.
I suppose things like crabs, fleas, and lice could possibly be caught from a toilet seat since they can survive in the open longer than a microbe. but i think you would have to be pretty unlucky for that to happen.
 
gluestick said:
I remember reading a short story by Chuck Pahlaniuk where this lady purposely put crabs (of the pubic variety) on a public toilet seat in a men's room. then the guys would get crabs and the wives would think they were cheating.
I suppose things like crabs, fleas, and lice could possibly be caught from a toilet seat since they can survive in the open longer than a microbe. but i think you would have to be pretty unlucky for that to happen.
Click to expand...

but who the hell keeps a jar of crab lice around just to infect toilet seats with?
 
gluestick said:
I remember reading a short story by Chuck Pahlaniuk where this lady purposely put crabs (of the pubic variety) on a public toilet seat in a men's room. then the guys would get crabs and the wives would think they were cheating.
I suppose things like crabs, fleas, and lice could possibly be caught from a toilet seat since they can survive in the open longer than a microbe. but i think you would have to be pretty unlucky for that to happen.
Click to expand...

Sounds like an urban legend too me.Can you post a link?
 
There is no bacteria in pee and the toilet seat and bowl is too cold to sustain germs for long.
 
It all boils down to what you do with the seat. If you're into licking it, or rimming it with your bell-end (males only), you might pick something up. But otherwise, as long as you wash your hands after having a wee or a nice big dump, you're pretty safe. A lot of germs can be picked up when others have gone to the toilet but then touched things like light switches, taps and door handles before washing their hands. If you are worried, carry a small bottle of antiseptic solution with you and use that instead of washing (unless you're thumb has broken through the paper mid-wipe and you've got poo all over it).

😀
 
After reading all of the replies, I feel very relieved.

Though, I now feel guilty for putting my bum all over a chinese resteraunt's walls. In my defense, however, I was drunk...And OCD.

BAH! If they don't want to properly stock a restroom in accordance to basic health laws, then they got everything they deserved!


Besides, the food sucked anyway. They made some pretty good chicken balls though.
 
bugman said:
Sounds like an urban legend too me.Can you post a link?
Click to expand...

You guys caught that it was a fictional short story, right? Here's a link to that part of the book (called 'Haunted', which is pretty good. it also features a story about an assassin that kills people by massaging their feet):

http://books.google.com/books?id=89uQ5xufarYC&pg=PA168&lpg=PA168&dq=haunted+palahniuk+crabs&source=bl&ots=JnzAA2DZ9x&sig=N2n4HoAjZ61Onn2Jee1ku2NKPR4&hl=en&ei=rpHrSY2XLIfGMvfN7dUF&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1

ps and to clarify the crabs are put on silicon dolls resembling children that members of the police department take home to have their jollies with...its the "equivalent of catching crabs from a toilet seat". won't make sense if you don't read the story.
 
Dussicar said:
Though, I now feel guilty for putting my bum all over a chinese resteraunt's walls. In my defense, however, I was drunk...And OCD.
Click to expand...


The next day they were probably all like "WTF... Who made all of these butterfly prints?!?"
 
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