How to make a (good) tickler out of a vanilla woman?

[TicklishGirl666]

Hi everyone.

I posted in the past some aspects of my dating life and while it's something I don't enjoy at all, I find myself in need of advice.

I myself am bi, but now dating an elder woman that is a lesbian and it's mostly vanilla (save from the fact that she likes some minor kinks to add a little bit of spice, but not really having a specific thing for them).

At the moment we talk online (text and video call) until the corona virus restrictions ease a little more, so we can meet in person.

The thing is, when we came to discuss preferences and I mentioned I'm into tickling, specifically into being tickled and into feet, she reacted pretty dispassionate about it.

Now if I was a tickler or mostly a tickler, that wouldn't be much of a problem, but I'm a ticklee and with me it's not so simple as I just say "tickle me" and you tickle me and that's that.

I'm not into playful aspects of tickling when I'm intimate. I may engage in a tickle fight and enjoy it if we're just messing around and done so with friends, not considering it a sexual thing, but when it comes to tickling doing intimacy, things are very different. When it comes to being intimate, simple playful tickling may even be a turn off.

It's also as much about psychology as it's about the tickling aspect. I need a tickling with a Dominant/submissive dynamic. I love to be tied (almost need, because I hate having to concentrate on controlling my reflexes and not send the tickler flying, instead of letting go and being able to surrender to the tickling without worries for the safety of the tickler). I need to see a (sadistic) lust in the tickler's eyes (and attitude) towards giving me a good tickle torture, dominating me, breaking me, making me beg etc. I love to feel helpless and at the mercy of the tickler. I'm also extremely tempted to try consensual non-consent, such as not having a safe word and instead setting a timer and I have no option to stop it until the time is up, or other methods (I don't want to prolong this post but I know some games involving consensual non-consent) or even leave it to the tickler entirely to decide when to stop and when to let me go, but that would require very good chemistry, for safety.

I also need the tickler to be passionate about tickling and know how to tickle and tease well, how to get the most results.

If I was to give examples from the tickling videos domain, someone like Tasha, Brooke or Kelly Lynn Sage would make a good tickler.

Also, if the tickler is dispassionate about it, then it's a huge turn off, especially if I told the tickler to tie me up and when they start tickling me, they have a bored expression and are a butter fingers about it, really kills the mood.

I also tried bringing it again to her when we were discussing more naughty and asked her if she remembers what I like, she said "being tied up and tickled", again, so dispassionate, that it almost killed all mood for flirting and made me want to switch to small talk or politics or something. But I thought I'd try once again and told her (because she mentioned she likes breasts) that she can make me shake them by tickling me and it seemed to raise her interest a little. Though when I asked her if she is ticklish herself, where and if she would let me tickle her too (thinking that if I will tickle her first, when we meet, I teach her how it's done and maybe create at least some will of revenge that will develop into an interest of sadistic domination by tickling) she again responded without much passion that she never tried it as a sexy thing (dodging my question) and that she's willing to try, but again, not feeling a passion from her side.

Otherwise she is passionate about me, just not about tickling.

I don't want to obsess about it either, because I know from experiences with previous partners how absolutely annoying it is to hear someone obsessing about a kink you're absolutely not into.

But I don't want my kind of tickling to miss from our relationship either.

Otherwise we really have a romantic connection.

Also, when I share with someone exactly what I'm looking from a tickling torture session and they react without any passion, it kills the mood so much, as I just poured my heart out and it was to deaf ears, it makes the other person look inconsiderate towards me, in my perception, though they may be not, also making me feel bad and also makes me feel ashamed, like I made a fool of myself and poured my heart out towards someone that at least doesn't reciprocate at all or almost like laughed in my face (even if they didn't).

In the past I had a relationship from which tickling missed completely and it was so sexually frustrating, eventually making me drift apart from that partner.

She mentioned she likes threesomes some times with another girl.

I considered hiring a professional Domme that is specialized into tickling, someone like Kelly Lynn Sage (maybe not herself, but someone similar) to show her how it's done and spark that passion in her, but I don't know, I don't know how much that would do and whether it will give her that desire.

What do you think? What could be done about this?

 

[BuckWild]

Hey there. First, I want to say that you can't make someone go against their nature. If tickling is a "no" for her, then you need to accept that. But if it's more of a "I don't get it" or a "I don't know if I'll like it," then I do have some advice.

A few years ago, my wife and I had a discussion about our kinks so that we could spice up our bedroom life, as a game that both of us can play together for fun. When I mentioned tickling, she was intrigued. She had never heard of it as a kink before and had no idea how it "worked." For us, more communication was key. As well as me "teaching" her some tickling techniques that she can use on me. I showed her different tools and demonstrated on her how to use them. I explained to her different scenarios and what I'd like. (Honestly, you can't expect someone to just magically know what you want. It's much easier to tell them so they can work with that!)

I discussed with her stories I'd read and enjoyed and stories I wrote myself. We talked about the "themes" that make it intimate or sexual. For her, tickling was "silly" or "goofy" and didn't seem sexy or fun at all... until we discussed some of the below concepts. Some of these might seem like "no brainers," but to people who aren't into tickling, you might have to help connect the dots for them.

1. The dom/sub aspect and tickling as a form of sadism/masochism. It's sexual torture, it's giving control to someone else.
2. Tickling as sensation play. Some people like spankings and hot wax and ice, etc. Tickling is in that same arena of things! It's sensation.
2. Elements of edging/orgasm control - Tickling can be very arousing and it can be extremely frustrating to not get the "ending." For my wife, she latched onto the concept that she could DRIVE ME INSANE by tickling and teasing me and that just makes me want her more.
3. The intimacy of touch and discovering/knowing someone's ticklish spots. It's psychologically related to knowing "that trick" or "that thing I like" to get someone off in bed.
4. The magic that tickling is NOT something you can do yourself and you NEED a partner. (Unlike masturbation!)

I would also advise you to ask your GF more about her kinks and how you can fulfil them. Share interests back and forth and see if she might agree to "I'll play your fantasy and you play mine" back and forth. It's also entirely possible that you can blend some of your interests and fantasies to create a game that is fun for both of you! For example, if your partner is into exhibition, try tickling in public. If your partner likes sensation play, throw tickling into the mix. Good luck! I hope it all works out for you.

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

It's also as much about psychology as it's about the tickling aspect. I need a tickling with a Dominant/submissive dynamic. I love to be tied (almost need, because I hate having to concentrate on controlling my reflexes and not send the tickler flying, instead of letting go and being able to surrender to the tickling without worries for the safety of the tickler). I need to see a (sadistic) lust in the tickler's eyes (and attitude) towards giving me a good tickle torture, dominating me, breaking me, making me beg etc.

This

Also, if the tickler is dispassionate about it, then it's a huge turn off, especially if I told the tickler to tie me up and when they start tickling me, they have a bored expression and are a butter fingers about it, really kills the mood.

And this

As a male Ticklee this completely sums up the relationship with my female partner of 13 years. If I was twenty years younger I would have to choose tickling over her, but as the drive and energy are not what it was, I choose her instead.

However your idea of visiting a professional domme is actually a good one (they don't just exist for men). However this would have to be your periodic secret playtime, and not something to involve your partner in (especially not for educational purposes, as like my partner she will never get it).

 

[ticklingj]

I have found that initiating tickle fights is very helpful in sparking that desire for revenge in a partner and they can get that evil spark in their eye once they get me tied up.

 

[tickletherapist]

She might find it amusing when it comes to tickling you and she might have fun for some time. Maybe she will like your reactions, so it's worth a try.

But if she is not into tickling, or at least likes to tickle not as a fetish, you shouldn't expect of her all those things you expect from a tickler who really loves it.
We wish you best luck.

 

[TicklishGirl666]

Hey there. First, I want to say that you can't make someone go against their nature. If tickling is a "no" for her, then you need to accept that. But if it's more of a "I don't get it" or a "I don't know if I'll like it," then I do have some advice.

A few years ago, my wife and I had a discussion about our kinks so that we could spice up our bedroom life, as a game that both of us can play together for fun. When I mentioned tickling, she was intrigued. She had never heard of it as a kink before and had no idea how it "worked." For us, more communication was key. As well as me "teaching" her some tickling techniques that she can use on me. I showed her different tools and demonstrated on her how to use them. I explained to her different scenarios and what I'd like. (Honestly, you can't expect someone to just magically know what you want. It's much easier to tell them so they can work with that!)

I discussed with her stories I'd read and enjoyed and stories I wrote myself. We talked about the "themes" that make it intimate or sexual. For her, tickling was "silly" or "goofy" and didn't seem sexy or fun at all... until we discussed some of the below concepts. Some of these might seem like "no brainers," but to people who aren't into tickling, you might have to help connect the dots for them.

1. The dom/sub aspect and tickling as a form of sadism/masochism. It's sexual torture, it's giving control to someone else.
2. Tickling as sensation play. Some people like spankings and hot wax and ice, etc. Tickling is in that same arena of things! It's sensation.
2. Elements of edging/orgasm control - Tickling can be very arousing and it can be extremely frustrating to not get the "ending." For my wife, she latched onto the concept that she could DRIVE ME INSANE by tickling and teasing me and that just makes me want her more.
3. The intimacy of touch and discovering/knowing someone's ticklish spots. It's psychologically related to knowing "that trick" or "that thing I like" to get someone off in bed.
4. The magic that tickling is NOT something you can do yourself and you NEED a partner. (Unlike masturbation!)

I would also advise you to ask your GF more about her kinks and how you can fulfil them. Share interests back and forth and see if she might agree to "I'll play your fantasy and you play mine" back and forth. It's also entirely possible that you can blend some of your interests and fantasies to create a game that is fun for both of you! For example, if your partner is into exhibition, try tickling in public. If your partner likes sensation play, throw tickling into the mix. Good luck! I hope it all works out for you.

Thank you. Yes, I think I will do that, I will explain her those aspects and see how best to integrate. Yes, she likes exhibitionism, but more like a way to troll and tease a little (or at least it seemed so, or maybe it's just her way being funny, I don't know).

I guess we will work out.

 

[TicklishGirl666]

This



And this

As a male Ticklee this completely sums up the relationship with my female partner of 13 years. If I was twenty years younger I would have to choose tickling over her, but as the drive and energy are not what it was, I choose her instead.

However your idea of visiting a professional domme is actually a good one (they don't just exist for men). However this would have to be your periodic secret playtime, and not something to involve your partner in (especially not for educational purposes, as like my partner she will never get it).

I'm not really the kind to look for love at home and sexual gratification elsewhere. They must both come in pack for me to be happy. I only mentioned the option of a professional Domme, because she said she entertains the idea of having a threesome from time to time, maybe, if I'm okay with it. But then again, while being more of a tickled, I think I still know how to explain to her what to do and like the previous user said, show her some stories, maybe some videos, integrate it with other things she likes and we'll get it going somehow.