How would you describe a tickling sadist?

[SadCuzNotTcklsh]

How would you describe a TICKLER who is also a sadist?
What separates them from a fun loving quick poke in the sides tickler?

 

[SoleMates]

Isn't it obvious? Do you not know what a sadist is?

Sadistic people hurt others for their own enjoyment. A "tickler sadist" would therefore be someone who used tickling as their method of inflicting hurt.

And before the trolls come in and say that tickling is harmless and it's not possible to hurt someone with it, while it's true that no lasting, actual physical damage is done, it definitely can inflict emotional distress and suffering... and to some sadists that's just as good, if not better than regular pain.

At least two of my girls were ticklish enough that, if I were a sadist, I could have absolutely wrecked them. Some doofus who pokes you in the side to get a "tee hee" isn't even in the same league.

What you're probably expecting is for someone to say that you can't be sadistic unless you tie them down and torture them for hors withot a safeword. That's not true. One of my exes had an abusive ex of her own, and he would hold her down and tickle her whenever she didn't do as he said. He knew she hated it and he used it as a weapon against her. That's a sadist.

And personally, I don't think consent has anything to do with it. If the victim wants you to hurt them, that doesn't make a sadist any less sadistic, just that it's not abuse. Unless the sadist only gets off on the involuntary aspect of it, that is. I guess a sadist and a masochist would be a dream couple in most cases.

 

[CapturedDoll]

Well... seeing your post Sole Mates maybe I'm not a Sadist after all...I do have morals and abide by safe words.

Hmmm... I don't know how to describe myself now... I don't want to be misleading...

 

[kevin_kidnapped]

I would describe you CD as seemingly being a whole lot of fun, lol!! Who needs titles? 🙂

 

[CapturedDoll]

Isn't it obvious? Do you not know what a sadist is?

Obviously it was not obvious to him or he wouldn't have asked in the first place. We all are at varying stages in our knowledge and personnal growth with tickling.

 

[CapturedDoll]

I would describe you CD as seemingly being a whole lot of fun, lol!! Who needs titles? 🙂

🙂 True!! But I always hear the different levels like... some keep it playful... some keep it sensuous... some torturous and extremely prolonged. I love it all... so maybe you're right...I'm just fun! lol!!! 🙂

 

[SoleMates]

Obviously it was not obvious to him or he wouldn't have asked in the first place. We all are at varying stages in our knowledge and personnal growth with tickling.

It probably came off harsher than I intended, but as a community we do tend to redefine words and water down their true meanings enough for it to be confusing. Witness the recent thread on tickling and torture, for example. If the OP was operating on the typical definition of "sadist" that gets used around here, it doesn't surprise me.

 

[SoleMates]

Well... seeing your post Sole Mates maybe I'm not a Sadist after all...I do have morals and abide by safe words.

Hmmm... I don't know how to describe myself now... I don't want to be misleading...

I think you made the same mistake the OP is. Do you get off on torturing people? You're a sadist. Safe words and whether or not they want to be tortured is irrelevant; the literal definition of a sadist is someone who gets sexual pleasure from inflicting pain.

 

[Sensualswitch10]

Isn't it obvious? Do you not know what a sadist is?

Sadistic people hurt others for their own enjoyment. A "tickler sadist" would therefore be someone who used tickling as their method of inflicting hurt.

And before the trolls come in and say that tickling is harmless and it's not possible to hurt someone with it, while it's true that no lasting, actual physical damage is done, it definitely can inflict emotional distress and suffering... and to some sadists that's just as good, if not better than regular pain.

At least two of my girls were ticklish enough that, if I were a sadist, I could have absolutely wrecked them. Some doofus who pokes you in the side to get a "tee hee" isn't even in the same league.

What you're probably expecting is for someone to say that you can't be sadistic unless you tie them down and torture them for hors withot a safeword. That's not true. One of my exes had an abusive ex of her own, and he would hold her down and tickle her whenever she didn't do as he said. He knew she hated it and he used it as a weapon against her. That's a sadist.

And personally, I don't think consent has anything to do with it. If the victim wants you to hurt them, that doesn't make a sadist any less sadistic, just that it's not abuse. Unless the sadist only gets off on the involuntary aspect of it, that is. I guess a sadist and a masochist would be a dream couple in most cases.

I agree with most of what you said, but I think you're giving some sadists an unfair bad rap. Some of what you described is a person who is both a sadist and a sociopath. Sadism is just another kink, and there's no reason to believe a sadist wouldn't honor a safeword any more than a tickler. Personally, I don't enjoy receiving or dispensing pain, but I've met people who are into it. One lady in particular is a very nice person who happens to get her lady rocks off on pain. That doesn't make her a bad person.

On topic, I would describe them as a sadistic tickler.

 

[Sensualswitch10]

Well... seeing your post Sole Mates maybe I'm not a Sadist after all...I do have morals and abide by safe words.

Hmmm... I don't know how to describe myself now... I don't want to be misleading...

You can be a sadist and still have morals and abide by safewords. Lot's of people are and do.

 

[SoleMates]

I agree with most of what you said, but I think you're giving some sadists an unfair bad rap. Some of what you described is a person who is both a sadist and a sociopath. Sadism is just another kink, and there's no reason to believe a sadist wouldn't honor a safeword any more than a tickler. Personally, I don't enjoy receiving or dispensing pain, but I've met people who are into it. One lady in particular is a very nice person who happens to get her lady rocks off on pain. That doesn't make her a bad person.

On topic, I would describe them as a sadistic tickler.

Yes, that was my point. Consent has nothing to do with whether or not you're a sadist. You can be a respectful sadist and only beat people who enjoy it. What I was saying is, some people confuse sadism with sociopathy.

 

[matt62]

There is no doubt that there seem to be different styles and approaches to tickling that are connected with different kinds of temperament. It has come as quite a surprise to me to learn that, for a lot of ticklephiles, tickling is an entirely lighthearted and purely pleasurable activity, even if it is very compelling. For me, tickling has always had its hold on me precisely because I associate it with an element of what you might call sadism - that is, not exactly the inflicting of pain, but playing seriously with issues of control and mercilessly exploiting vulnerability.

A complicating factor for me, in fact, is that ultimately I am not ruthless enough by temperament to be able to take my urge to tickle to the extremes that another part of me wants to do. My conscience demands that I get complete consent for what I want to do, and I have trouble believing that the ticklee could truly be consenting to what my darker side really wants...This can be very inhibiting!

So I end up fluctuating somewhere between the lighthearted, fun-loving tickler and the ruthless sadistic tickler, with opposing forces pulling me in the two directions. But it is clear that I and a lot of other people make a connection between tickling and the desire to flirt with some deep and dark regions of the erotic.

 

[CapturedDoll]

It probably came off harsher than I intended, but as a community we do tend to redefine words and water down their true meanings enough for it to be confusing. Witness the recent thread on tickling and torture, for example. If the OP was operating on the typical definition of "sadist" that gets used around here, it doesn't surprise me.

Ok thank you for clarying the intent of your words. *phew* 🙂

Yeah I see what you are saying here. I'm really glad this thread was made because seeing the different responses helps me make a more informed decision when I describe myself. I never would want people to think I wouldn't stop and disregard safe words. Now if I am given consent yes the tickling would go on and on. But even I, if I am the one in control always needs to be aware of when someone needs a break or to stop completely. So.. listening, watching their reactions goes beyond just the enjoyment of it.

But I'm glad safe words aren't mandatory in my fantasies... there are none. 😉

 

[CapturedDoll]

So I end up fluctuating somewhere between the lighthearted, fun-loving tickler and the ruthless sadistic tickler, with opposing forces pulling me in the two directions. But it is clear that I and a lot of other people make a connection between tickling and the desire to flirt with some deep and dark regions of the erotic.

Yes this describes me quite well. And so does Sensual Switches "sadistic tickler". I will put the term Sadist on hold for now... I use to be into pain... giving and receiving. But no longer. I can still take a spanking though hehe But we haven't done that in quite some time either. I'm really enjoying reading all of the responses.

Though I think my sadism only fluctuates because I laugh along with whomever I'm tickling.

 

[Myriads]

To best answer this question, it's handy to know the definition of Sadism:

1) "The tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others."

and

2) (in general use) deliberate cruelty.

It's important to note that there is no moral modifier involved, and said moral positioning is based on the observers definition of 'cruelty', 'suffering' etc.

Thus a sadist can be Moral, Amoral, or Neutral. Thus when we seek to define a tickling sadist, we can ignore the moral aspects of the individual.

This leaves us with a Tickling Sadist being one who enjoys and derives pleasure from using tickling to inflict distress, suffering, or humiliation on others. I'll leave it to the reader how a Moral Sadist, an Amoral Sadist, or a Neutral Sadist would go about this as an amusing thought exercise. All could. All would differ from each other.

Hint. It involves the concept of limits.

Myriads

 

[Mrcool]

Lets just agree That there's a little bit of a sadist in all of us

 

[matt62]

Yes, it involves the concept of limits, and what we are mostly doing I think is playing with and exploring those limits. So we (or some of us) are magnetically pulled in the direction of a notional ultimate limit, but that doesn't mean that in the real world we will cross the limit - we just want to hover at that end of the spectrum every now and then!

But what puts that limit there in the first place? I think it is a moral awareness that ultimately we do want to hold on to our own self-respect and our respect for the other person. But that can mean different things to different people, depending to some extent on personality, environment, etc.

I think it is pathological to enjoy inflicting pain and distress on another person beyond the point at which they can consent to it. But it is actually not an unnatural thing to be interested in exploring and flirting with that limit with another consenting person, and to be turned on by it. Some people are more drawn to this than others, but I think there is an element of it in every sexual relationship one way or another. And for me, tickling and sex are extremely alike.

What I have more difficulty getting my head around is that some people claim not to see anything sexual or erotic about tickling at all...including some people on the TMF!

 

[Wade]

I know people -- one in particular -- who tickle me because I can't stand it, and when I plead for them to stop they don't. Now, they don't drive me to tears or into misery, and they would never ever hurt me on purpose -- I guess I'm saying they're fundamentally harmless -- but I think it's accurate to say they definitely have a sadistic streak. They enjoy inflicting that suffering on me, and they go beyond the limits of what others would be inclined inflict, but it's only that particular kind of suffering, which is coded as socially acceptable and is softened by the reassuring patina of laughter. And is incidentally hilarious for them to watch.

 

[duderino84]

Isn't it obvious? Do you not know what a sadist is?

Sadistic people hurt others for their own enjoyment. A "tickler sadist" would therefore be someone who used tickling as their method of inflicting hurt.

And before the trolls come in and say that tickling is harmless and it's not possible to hurt someone with it, while it's true that no lasting, actual physical damage is done, it definitely can inflict emotional distress and suffering... and to some sadists that's just as good, if not better than regular pain.

At least two of my girls were ticklish enough that, if I were a sadist, I could have absolutely wrecked them. Some doofus who pokes you in the side to get a "tee hee" isn't even in the same league.

What you're probably expecting is for someone to say that you can't be sadistic unless you tie them down and torture them for hors withot a safeword. That's not true. One of my exes had an abusive ex of her own, and he would hold her down and tickle her whenever she didn't do as he said. He knew she hated it and he used it as a weapon against her. That's a sadist.

And personally, I don't think consent has anything to do with it. If the victim wants you to hurt them, that doesn't make a sadist any less sadistic, just that it's not abuse. Unless the sadist only gets off on the involuntary aspect of it, that is. I guess a sadist and a masochist would be a dream couple in most cases.

You don't think that we're all acutely kind of sadistic, tickling in the guise of playful approach? I'll never really forget the time I've spent with women where they've framed my tickling as "mean".

 

[SoleMates]

You don't think that we're all acutely kind of sadistic, tickling in the guise of playful approach? I'll never really forget the time I've spent with women where they've framed my tickling as "mean".

Not in the slightest. I don't enjoy tickling people who don't enjoy being tickled, and even the folks who enjoy it because it's torture still kinda push me away because even though I know they're getting off on it, I'm still making them suffer. Some people here like to pretend that "it's just tickling" to downplay their own sadistic streaks and justify molesting strangers, but to think that "everyone" here is like that is projection in the extreme.

I think we all have the capability, though. When I worked with Mya this past weekend I knew ahead of time what her limits were, and I pushed her a lot harder than I usually push the girls I shoot with. Even though I knew it was okay by her own admission, I still felt a little guilty afterwards. It wasn't until she texted me two days later to tell me it was the best session she'd ever had that I finally built a bridge and got over it.

 

[duderino84]

Not in the slightest. I don't enjoy tickling people who don't enjoy being tickled, and even the folks who enjoy it because it's torture still kinda push me away because even though I know they're getting off on it, I'm still making them suffer. Some people here like to pretend that "it's just tickling" to downplay their own sadistic streaks and justify molesting strangers, but to think that "everyone" here is like that is projection in the extreme.

I think we all have the capability, though. When I worked with Mya this past weekend I knew ahead of time what her limits were, and I pushed her a lot harder than I usually push the girls I shoot with. Even though I knew it was okay by her own admission, I still felt a little guilty afterwards. It wasn't until she texted me two days later to tell me it was the best session she'd ever had that I finally built a bridge and got over it.

Well ya, according to the dictionary definition, I guess I'm totally wrong. I can understand sadism in other areas of BDSM, but I don't really associate inflicting pain, distress, or humiliation with normal tickling. Usually when those factors are integrated into tickling you typically see in porn, it's pretty obvious; whipping, spanking, obnoxiously loud cooing etc all change the tone of the tickling. To me that's "extreme".....it's a clear change from the norm.

I guess what I meant was tickling is inherently associated with pain/forced laughter (even if the Lee enjoys it), so even if I try to be playful with a Lee, and the laughing is arousing because of what it sounds like, I still feel like I'm sort of a sadist because I'm deriving pleasure from it.

 

[Bradhadair]

Using "It's just tickling," doesn't downplay my sadistic streak at all. I DO negotiste. But I also ignore eords like NO and Stop. Because they aren't the safe word. This allows for limits to be pushed, because OFTEN lee will beg me to stop when they don't really want to. Hence the safe word. I don't appreciate being associated with molestation as a sadist. Not the same thing at all.

 

[SoleMates]

Well ya, according to the dictionary definition, I guess I'm totally wrong. I can understand sadism in other areas of BDSM, but I don't really associate inflicting pain, distress, or humiliation with normal tickling. Usually when those factors are integrated into tickling you typically see in porn, it's pretty obvious; whipping, spanking, obnoxiously loud cooing etc all change the tone of the tickling. To me that's "extreme".....it's a clear change from the norm.

I guess what I meant was tickling is inherently associated with pain/forced laughter (even if the Lee enjoys it), so even if I try to be playful with a Lee, and the laughing is arousing because of what it sounds like, I still feel like I'm sort of a sadist because I'm deriving pleasure from it.

Well then, that's probably the answer the OP was looking for. 😀 Playfully tickling your girlfriend and getting off on that is waayyyy different from getting off on, say, strapping someone down and using a Sonicaire on their worst spot until they're sobbing for you to stop. The beauty of our fetish is that there's room for both kinds, although a lot of people here tend to forget that and assume that "official tickling sessions" are the be-all and end-all of the experience. "Normal" tickling probably isn't painful or humiliating, although it can be depending on the circumstance.

The disconnect is probably coming from the fact that tickling is considered torture by many but it doesn't actually hurt. At least for the first ten minutes or so, anyway...

I guess the definition of a sadist isn't so obvious after all.

I am now reminded of the time I described myself as "slightly masochistic" while reading an essay in front of my class in high school. I was referring to my tendency to go along with bad situations/relationships and simply endure them rather than make an effort to avoid or change things. One of the other students raised her hand when I was done and asked the teacher what "masochistic" meant, and he quite explicitly laid out how it was defined as "deriving sexual pleasure from having pain inflicted upon them", which caused me to interrupt and clarify my earlier statement very quickly.

 

[duderino84]

Well then, that's probably the answer the OP was looking for. 😀 Playfully tickling your girlfriend and getting off on that is waayyyy different from getting off on, say, strapping someone down and using a Sonicaire on their worst spot until they're sobbing for you to stop. The beauty of our fetish is that there's room for both kinds, although a lot of people here tend to forget that and assume that "official tickling sessions" are the be-all and end-all of the experience. "Normal" tickling probably isn't painful or humiliating, although it can be depending on the circumstance.

The disconnect is probably coming from the fact that tickling is considered torture by many but it doesn't actually hurt. At least for the first ten minutes or so, anyway...

I guess the definition of a sadist isn't so obvious after all.

I am now reminded of the time I described myself as "slightly masochistic" while reading an essay in front of my class in high school. I was referring to my tendency to go along with bad situations/relationships and simply endure them rather than make an effort to avoid or change things. One of the other students raised her hand when I was done and asked the teacher what "masochistic" meant, and he quite explicitly laid out how it was defined as "deriving sexual pleasure from having pain inflicted upon them", which caused me to interrupt and clarify my earlier statement very quickly.

Lol I know what you mean. You get what you can when you can even if you know it's not going to last.

Ya, that's what makes me question it. With a lot of girls "it's just torture". What can I say tho, like making those pearly whites show themselves. Lol