I am leaving the community for a while.

[njjen3953]

Hi All,
I am sitting here thinking about what I want to say to everyone. All of my life I have searched very hard for acceptance. My parents could not accept me because they did not know how to to be parents and they also did not how to make friends themselves. I could not make friends in school because the kid's parents did not like my parents. They would not allow their children to play with me. I did not understand that at the time and since my mom, especially, could not accept responsibility for her own behavior, she blamed me for everything that went wrong in her life. I learned by a series of incidents that the only way I could be accepted by ANYONE was to change myself and be what they wanted me to be. I lived in a fantasy world where I was liked by people and they wanted to be with me. It was just that, a fantasy.
By becoming what others wanted me to be, I started behaving in ways that at times were a risk to my own safety. I have been to countless therapists to try to figure out what was wrong with me.

Last night, I went to a meeting that my current therapist suggested. It is called SLAA or Sex, Love Addicts Annonymous. Here I was in a room full of people that were supposed to accept me unconditionally. I felt more alone than ever. I was at a point where I thought, if this is what my life has come down to, I might as well end my life. I was not like these people at all. Most of them were so addicted to sex and porn that they rarely left home and were content to sit home alone and masturbate to porn. That is not me at all. The only reason I sit home online is because I still do not know how to make real friends.

My definition of a real friend is someone who spends time with me because they want to and not because of what I can do for them or give them. They will pick up a phone and call me just to talk, share something that happened, or say, "Hey, I was thinking of going somewhere and thought you might like to join me." They do not only talk to me if I happen to come online. I feel like if I want to have friends, I have to do it all. I have to make the calls. I have to offer something to make them want to spend time with me. Just being me does not seem to be good enough.

I came online 5 years ago to make friends and possibly become involved in a LTR with someone who shared my interest in tickling, but also wanted to spend time with me. I have been so open with where I live and giving out my phone number, in hopes of finally finding these real friends. I have even moved from one state to another to be with friends, but it is not working.

No matter where I go or what I do, my relatioships become one sided. I am empty and have very little left to give. Now it is time for me to start receiving as well. If it means that I be alone forever and only give to myself, then so be it. If anyone here really likes me and wants to be my friend, reach out to me.

My e-mail address is in my profile.

Jen

 

[Moses25]

It is with a heavy heart that I read this, Jen. Heavy indeed, b/c a lot of what you have gone through, I have also been there. I have an inkling as well, that there are others on this board who come online for the same reasons that you do.

While I do not share in all apsects of your childhood, the end result is the same: I am online, trying to make friends and share my life with others.
While other peeps have not lead the life I have had to, their end result is the same: they are online, trying to make friends and share their lives with others.

My parents could not accept me because they did not know how to to be parents and they also did not how to make friends themselves.

Oh Jen, if you only knew how many of us share that same affliction...

I lived in a fantasy world where I was liked by people and they wanted to be with me. It was just that, a fantasy.
By becoming what others wanted me to be, I started behaving in ways that at times were a risk to my own safety. I have been to countless therapists to try to figure out what was wrong with me.

Been there, done that.

Last night, I went to a meeting that my current therapist suggested. It is called SLAA or Sex, Love Addicts Annonymous. Here I was in a room full of people that were supposed to accept me unconditionally. I felt more alone than ever. I was at a point where I thought, if this is what my life has come down to, I might as well end my life. I was not like these people at all. Most of them were so addicted to sex and porn that they rarely left home and were content to sit home alone and masturbate to porn. That is not me at all. The only reason I sit home online is because I still do not know how to make real friends.

Please stay away from those groups which involve sexual aspects. The true gentle souls are in OverEaters Anonymous or AA, I've found.
And yes, you do know how to make real friends Jen, for you have made real friends on this forum, including me. I agree with you, however, that it is a shame, in my case anyways, that I live so far from all of you...that's why I'm always online, n'est-ce pas? 🙂

My definition of a real friend is someone who spends time with me because they want to and not because of what I can do for them or give them. They will pick up a phone and call me just to talk, share something that happened, or say, "Hey, I was thinking of going somewhere and thought you might like to join me." They do not only talk to me if I happen to come online. I feel like if I want to have friends, I have to do it all. I have to make the calls. I have to offer something to make them want to spend time with me. Just being me does not seem to be good enough.

You've got the right idea of what true friendship means, Jen. And that's half the battle, so please don't give up on yourself.

I came online 5 years ago to make friends and possibly become involved in a LTR with someone who shared my interest in tickling, but also wanted to spend time with me. I have been so open with where I live and giving out my phone number, in hopes of finally finding these real friends. I have even moved from one state to another to be with friends, but it is not working.

You've met no one from the TMF? I thought you were in regular contact with a lot of our members.

No matter where I go or what I do, my relatioships become one sided.

I hear that. I'm always bitching at my so-called friends b/c of it.

I am empty and have very little left to give. Now it is time for me to start receiving as well. If it means that I be alone forever and only give to myself, then so be it. If anyone here really likes me and wants to be my friend, reach out to me.

I hope that others will see this Jen, and will reach out to you. You do have people who care for you on this board, esp. for one who has given so much to us.

Take care of yourself, yes, Jen. And when you feel like coming back, we'll be here, waiting.

Regards, Moses.

 

[Krokus]

Ah

Time is on your side...Hope you return soon, jen....good luck to you.

 

[P50]

I second this suggestion of Moses25 regarding the sex group.

You do NOT have a sex problem, neither do 99% of the Members in the TMF

Okay,,, I've never been to a SLAA meeting before, but I can guarantee you that there is very little cross-over between that group and this one. We are not "mentally ill" (a term which is more political that "republican" or "democrat" these days)

The OA and AA thing may or may not help. From what I understand, their help is in opening lights that your problem is not booze or food, but something way out in left field hiding behind a big rock playing a loudspeaker of liars from the past. Just my opinion

First,,, I suggest that you and anyone in similar circumstances find a support group where there is some sort of physical similarity,,,

e.g., food groups,,, other fat/skinny people who are there NOW, and living it NOW,,, not "weight loss" experts or former department store maniquins who are now playboy centerfolds (at age 90),,, real humans with the same physical makeup

Secondly,,,, I suggest that you pay a whole lot of attention to the intelligence of the other persons in the group. If you are in the top 10% of the IQs of the people in the room, then you'll only connect with a few people,,, indeed,,, if you are the smartest person in the room,,,, you will be lonelier than in general society; by definition and design, you won't find peers

Thirdly,,,, I suggest that you do sever wrong relationships,,, I've had to do that with girls and with guys in money dealings who weren't treating me properly. Both are ugly things to do.

But then, so is brusing your teeth, and I do that at least twice a day.

 

[46and2]

Hey,
I'm really sorry to see you go out like that, for what it's worth, I definitley understand where you coming from (of course not entirley, I'm not you, but I have my own version of your story). What I've learned after countless rejection when trying to conform to other peoples version of what I'm supposed to be: I have to accept who and what I am. More importantly where I am and how to progress to where I want to go, and just be willing to do what it takes. You want to know the irony of everything I experienced? I decided to quit trying to do what other people wanted and expected, and just did what I loved and quit apologising, and those friends that were real revealed themselves to me, and I made a few new ones on the way. I lost alot of my other so-called friends. I hope you don't feel I'm lecturing you. I wish you well whatever your decision is.
Take care.
-Phil

 

[qjakal]

Sorry...

But you can't leave without a minimum of 2 years notice...you should have read the fine print in the TMF registration form, Ms Jen. Completely unacceptable! Resignation denied!

Expect email, young lady......lots of it! Q

 

[kurchatovium]

Please don't leave Jen. You are loved here. You are needed here.

 

[Moses25]

Re: Sorry...

But you can't leave without a minimum of 2 years notice...you should have read the fine print in the TMF registration form, Ms Jen. Completely unacceptable! Resignation denied!

Expect email, young lady......lots of it! Q

The mighty Q has spoken.

 

[Myriads]

May you find that which you seek.

Myriads

 

[amk714]

Sorry to see you go, Jen. Be well. 🙁

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Jen,

I understand and respect the decision that you have made, but when one is feeling really really down, I don't know if further seclusion is the answer.

At any rate, you will be hearing from me because I consider you a friend, whole heartedly (not just saying that either). We met because of our love for tickling, however, we have so much more in common that I enjoy talking to you about. (Like teaching 🙂 )

I'm going through a rough time as well, and although I am too far (lol and too broke) to hang out with you a lot, I hope that our friendship will grow. Don't shut yourself away from ME! 😛

SMILE,
Sunrise

 

[Haltickling]

Sorry to hear that, Jen. I can certainly feel with you, as I'm in a similar, lonely situation, albeit for different reasons. But I'm confident that you'll come back one day soon, as the TMF possesses its own, inimitable magnetism. At least, I hope so, as I happen to like you. 😎

 

[sole seeker]

Jen,

Please don't leave and shut us out of your life altogether. I enjoy reading your posts and getting to know the person inside through your writing. If you don't contribute, the community as a whole will suffer and be less than it is.

It's true that this forum doesn't validate my entire existance, but the people here give me acceptance in one area of my life where I'd always found rejection at least to some degree. Maybe the same is true for you?

I kind of liked the response that said you had to give two year's notice. That's a pretty good idea. We can consider this post your notice, and see if you don't change your mind over time.

Jim

 

[milagros317]

Jen,

I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles, and feelings of emptiness. I hope that you find what you are looking for. Best wishes to you, and come back to TMF when you are ready.

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

🙁 Jen, I am so sorry to hear this. As I read your post I couldn't help but feel the pain behind your words. Sweetie, leaving the forum isn't going to solve your problems, as Sole Seeker stated the community needs you here, I for on really enjoy your posts 🙂 and what you contribute. I am hoping that you just had one of those days and that you will re-think this and see that you were a bit hasty in your decision and that you will stay and be a part of this family here. 🙂
You seem like a loveing person with a great personality, and a lot to give. When I read the part about ending your life : Oh God that scared the beejeebers out of me!!!! Sweetie, that never solves anything, and would cause so much pain for those who know and love you! Trust me, please don't even think of doing anything like that! I beg of you please don't!:

I have written you but you haven't replied, you had requested for some articles on Special Ed and I was trying to help you. Please e-mail and talk to me...I have a strong shoulder that you can lean on anytime! And hey, besides 🙂 Q said your resignation was denied anyway so you can't leave! Don't do this Sweetie

You are in my thoughts as well as my prayers, I am reaching out to you like you asked, please accept me!

You are loved my many, I love you and care about you and what happens to you!
Jen, I reached out to you...please accept me
With love,
Tracy

 

[P50]

Jen,,,and anybody else reading,,,,

46and2,,, <I><B>YES!!</B> </I>

When I learned how to lose the <I> wrong friends</I>, woo-hoo !

Jen,,, I hope you will lose some of your <I>wrong friends </I>

I can almost promise you from reading your post, that you have some <I>wrong friends </I> in your life. The day you put them away (caution, you'll feel the awful terrible pain of someone saying you aren't okay) is the day your current lousy feelings will begin to diminish. More on this later if you want to read more.

 

[QBWeaver]

Although we live literally thousands of miles apart I consider you a dear friend. I wish I could have been there to give you a call to go out to dinner instead of a call to just visit.

I'll stay in touch Love.

My dad used to say that you have to love yourself before you can love others. I know that has been a challenge for you but you seem to be taking the right steps to accomplish that goal. You've made lots of changes recently and those can be overwhelming. So relax, learn to love yourself even more. And just know that I'll be there!

Jan

 

[Strelnikov]

Best of luck to you, Jen. You'll be missed. You're welcome back any time you're ready.

Strelnikov

 

[tkrexx]

I hate to see anyone cast themselves into exile from something they love. I hate to see a nice person treated like dirt for someone else's benefit. I hate when someone with inatequacies blames another person for them...and the other person takes it.

I'm not trying to be a jerk, Jen (It just comes naturally!🙄 ), but do you like yourself? Seriously. It took a LOOONG time for me to learn to like myself. It IS a learning process. Seems to me there are a lot of people on the TMF that DO like you. If you like yourself, it's real easy to gaff off the folks who would use you, belittle you to make themselves feel superior, seek to destroy your self-confidence, etc. There's no shortage of "etc." in this category. You are responsible for YOURSELF, lady. You get content with who and what you are, no one will be able to drag you elsewhere. You won't allow it.

You might also find that you don't NEED someone else in your life all the time. Sure, it's nice to share company at times, of various nature, but what's so bad about you that you don't enjoy your OWN company? Do you feel the need to LIVE FOR other people? That path leads to misery, my friend. Concentrate on YOU, Jen. Ya never know, you might find something you like inside yourself. And THAT is worth exploring and cultivating.

If I come across as gruff, I do apologize. I've got a bad case of winter blahs (Happens to everybody, doesn't it?). I can't wait 'til spring, so I can enjoy some honest-to-goodness flowers in the warm open air, fill my eyes with some GREEN...I miss green...and of course other assorted visual pleasures that accompany the more pleasant weather. I wanna sit down under a tree and do nothing all day. That always makes me feel better. After spending almost a decade drowning in depression & self-pity, keeping myself happy is a nessecary evil...I can't make anyone ELSE happy if I'm not.

NOTHING can take the place of being happy with yourself. Not alcohol/drugs, not friends/lovers, not religion, not sex, not even tickling (And tickling is what makes me the happiest!). And NOBODY can MAKE you happy...That's a job for Jen.

For my thoughts on suicide, please let me quote my good friend Ben Grimm: Life sucks, but it's the best game in town. Learn to play.

You're always a very open person, Jen, and I admire that. Please be open to the idea that life isn't always "for" other people. You take your time & get well, then you come on home. There's alot of folks here that'll be waiting.

Rxx