I have had a ruff day.

[Psycho]

My good friend that lives down the road up and left the Saturday before last leaving her 2 kids to fend for themselves. One is 16 and one is 11. She really never has been a good parent and is addicted to crack. I dont want to sound like a hyporcryte because yes i smoke weed but its not as bad and i dont have 2 kids to take car of. Anyway I just found out about this today. I dont know what to do. I cant call DHR because they will seperate them and they will probably be in a worse situation then they are now. So i did the only thing I could think of. I took them into my home and will take care of them untill such time as their mother returns. I live alone in a 2 bedroom trailor (that used to be my parents) and so they will have to share a bedroom. The problem is I dont know the first thing about taking care of kids. I dont know what to do.

Psycho

 

[kurchatovium]

Your are a good man Psycho. A man of infintie compassion. It is an honor to know you. I don't know much about kids but all I can say is give them all the love you can. It seems to me what they need most is love right now. Just my thoughts though. Good luck my friend.

 

[Psycho]

Thank you Kurch.

Psycho

 

[venray]

I agree with Kurch, man...but the best thing for them is to be turned over to someone who can take care of them. You can't do it alone...

R

 

[steph]

What a sweetheart you are psycho Where are your folks if I can be so bold? Maybe they can help??

XOXO

 

[Neutron]

The Best Thing

The best thing is to get those children turned over to the state. In todays day and age they try their hardest not to separate them. Don't let your big heart get in the way of what's best for them. These kids have had it rough, while you mean well you're not really prepared or qualified to take care of their mental needs. Turn them over, otherwise they'll end up in the end slipping through the cracks. Look long term man. What if their mother comes back, you're then legally obligated to turn them right back into a bad situation. If you turn them into the state then she'll have to answer for what she did, and to the children. I know it's hard, and I know it seems to go against your natural grain, but trust me, the chances of putting those kids in a situation where they can at least have a chance of winning improves by a quantum leap if you turn them over.

In this case let good thought process override your conscience. YOU'VE ALREADY DONE THE RIGHT THING!!, So now make a good turn into better by doing the correct thing too.

Tron

 

[sole seeker]

Re: The Best Thing

The best thing is to get those children turned over to family services.
... they try their hardest not to separate them.
Don't let your big heart get in the way of what's best for them.
These kids have had it rough, while you mean well you're not really prepared or qualified to take care of their mental needs.
Look long term man.
What if their mother comes back, you're then legally obligated to turn them right back into a bad situation.
Tron

All of this is absolutely true. It's also true you're a good man, Psycho.

Turn the kids over to family services guy. You aren't doing them a favor by keeping them away from the system set up to help them. You can still stay in touch with the kids to show you care.

 

[steph]

Insightful and thoughtful words tron, kudos!...Psycho~I actually did PR for an adoption agency in Oakland that specializes in unique cases (HIV babies, gay/single parents, sibling groups) It's doable honey...

XOXO

 

[featherfingers]

Keep in mind that the mother could make accusations that you took her kids for immoral purposes, meaning you could get into really big trouble just for having a big heart. Remember, drug abusers don't think very rationally.

 

[tommytikl]

Keep in mind that the mother could make accusations that you took her kids for immoral purposes, meaning you could get into really big trouble just for having a big heart. Remember, drug abusers don't think very rationally.

Yeah, this is a good point Featherfingers...you KINDLY took two kids into your home from a Mom who could care LESS, EXCEPT that if she comes back and the police "investigate" and find you on "Sites" then you might get into some real trouble, all while trying to just help her kids.

I would turn them over to the state, but I would try to keep in contact some way...

All the best man,and my prayers are with you and the two kids...

 

[Psycho]

Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom. I just dont know about turning them over to the state. The foster care places in a city like this are terrible. Me and my older sister where put into a childcare home when i was 12 and she was 14. We were seperated a year later and I never saw her again. It got bad and when I was 15 i ran away and stayed with my best friend and his family. I dont want to put them into a situation like that.

Psycho

 

[leafstk]

You're in a tough position, Psycho, but I commend you on doing what you can to help... I echo everyone's praise here 🙂 I'll keep you and those two kids in my prayer's. I hope you can find the assistance that both you and the kids need. Like Ray said, you can't do it alone.

 

[TKpervert]

Neutron's right.
featherfingers is right.
Psycho, you're going to need some help here, you did the right thing but I don't think you realize what you're in for if you don't get some help.

BTW, this 'mom' should never again have custody of her kids.
She abandoned them.

 

[Oddjob0226]

I've been through some things similar to this within the last few years. There's a reason I don't travel to gatherings anymore or hang out on this site that much.....

Okay, you did a good thing, and congratulations are in order. But you didn't necessarily do a smart thing - for you, in the long run.

I can't say I have all the answers.... I honestly may not have ANY answers, but from seeing stuff like and trying to figure it all out myself, I learn a little bit here and there. I can't be of much help, but what little I can do, I will. What state are you in, and what city? Don't worry, you can Private Message me here so it doesn't get out. I'm not asking for personal details, so fear not. By knowing where these kids are, we can then together figure out what resources are out there to help everyone in this situation. Give me a clue and I I can see where it might lead.

And this is a request, not a demand - please, no weed around the kids, even if it is your place and you feel like you really really want to. Kids do learn from (and practice) what they see and these too have seen enough. They are 'poor victims' until they are 17 years old; then they hit that magic age 18 and become criminals who made "a choice". But people don't like to talk about how those choices were made & what they are based on.

Don't give up yet.

 

[Psycho]

I live in Birmingham, Alabama. I know not to smoke and haven't since the kids got here. They are on fall break this week and start back to school monday. I think that I need to figure out something before then. Thank you for all of your support and advice. I may not be back on for a couple of days or so, so please dont think im being rude if i dont reply to somebodies post or pm or something.

Psycho

 

[kis123]

Psycho, you have a big sweet heart and there needs to be more like you in the world. I understand that you've been a product of the foster care system and have less than good memories about it. I feel bad for the kids situation and all, but I have to agree with the bulk of the panel that you should get the county involved. This is too much for you to handle alone. Besides, Tron is right-what if she comes back? Not only will they make you relinquish the kids, she can claim that you were the abuser. Once an investigation gets on your record, whether you've been cleared or not, it can scar you for life! You'll be banned from certain jobs like teaching or hospital work. If you ever wanted to become an adoptive or foster parent (AND I DO MEAN EVER), you would never qualify because of the investigation. I watched someone go through this with good intentions, but they got investigated by the county. They haven't been able to find a decent job since.

I know this is hard for you to do and you've already gotten in way deep. But, in today's society, people have to protect themselves from any hint of impropriety with children. It is social suicide to get caught in a scandal-regardless if it is true or not.

 

[TKpervert]

Right on, kis123.

Psycho, I have a feeling you've resolved this situation by now, if not, do it soon.

Don't let these kids just hang around your place, you've got to get the 'system' involved so the 'system' does'nt turn around and bite you in the ass, despite your best intentions.