i hear the forum is like family so please help

[isabeau]

i hope its ok to be this open but this past week has been difficult for me and i would like to vent a bit and ask advice. my mom suffered severe depression for years with delusions. she masked this illness with xanax and alcohol, til it all backfired on her finally about twelve years ago. then started a series of stays in and out of mental hospitals , the first time after a two year depression, in which neither i or my father could do a thing. she would get better only to have it happen again, as the years went by. now my father died eight years ago and mom became my responsibility. after another bout of refusing to eat or anything we , my husband and i found a great assisted living place for her to live. then two summers ago, she decides to quit eating and taking her meds. so back she goes to the regular hospital, they had no idea what to do with her except sending her to a psych hospital for shock treatments. i had to intervene to have her declared incompetent and she got the help she needed although the decision to give her shock treatments was very hard on me, and no one else would help. the shock treatments helped and back she went to her assisted living place, receiving shock treatments once a month. a year ago march, she again quit eating and taking her meds. unknown to me at the time, when admitted to the hospital , she signed papers refusing everything. so the hospital and i could do nothing. we had her moved eventually to a nursing home here, so i could be with her when she died, i also was hopeing the nursing home would shock her back into reality, at least enough to accept the shock treatments. anyway it didnt she died the end of april but wouldnt see me before or talk to me. so this is where i need help, during the two months it took her to die what was she thhinking? what was going on in her head? did she blame me? i didnt even make it there when she died, she died as i was walking in the front door. she was conscious when she died. what was she thinking? what goes on in the mind of someone that depressed? even though she didnt eat, she did drink liquids so that prolonged her death. sorry to vent like this but lately i have driven myself crazy wondering what was going thru her mind those two months as she waited to die?

isabeau (o and the mental hospital wouldnt take her as long as she refused her shock treatments) and sorry this is a rambling thread

 

[mabus]

Maybe nothing, maybe hatred for you, maybe for the world, who knows. (I hope I don't soud mean spirited by my typing, my voice can't be conveyed througha keyborad, sadly.) But sadly, sometimes life sucks. All you can do is exactly what you did - try your best, put it in God's hands, do what is right.

We grow up on fairy tales and TV, and believe everything will work out if we do the right thing. We should do the right thing, but lets face it, reality is reality. Sometimes, many times, things don't work out for the best. If you believe in heaven, you can pray for your mom, that she is there and is finally happy.

I've worked jobs with hateful ass co-workers. They made my life and other people's lives a living hell. You'd assume that, like in the movies, they'd eventually be fired and the good people would succeed. Wrong. All the good workers had to quit, including myself, because they couldn't take the harassment and constant abuse. Yes, she did eventually get fired, but not because of how she treated us, but because she mouthed off to the big boss, who had a big ego, and...well, you just don't do that!
But we were all out of jobs and had to take ones with lesser pay because the higher ups didn't care.
I've had other jobs where the good suffered for the bad, and the bad won.

Whe my dad died, the last thing he ever told me was "get out of the way of the goddamn television set!" when I tried to ask him how he was feeling.

I have a friend at work who has to take care of her daughters kids, but her daughter is addicted to crack and in jail. I've got another friend who has to take care of her husband's sister because she got in an accident, and is so large she is bed bound, and they rest of her husband's family simply doesn't care, and would let her die, because...they don't care! So now my friend has to give up her life to take care of basically a complete stranger.

Some people simply follow the wrong path in life, get selfish, get sick, get depressed, have mental illnesses, and the rest of us have to deal with it as best we can. I have a cousin who was in and out of jail all the time, was on drugs, drank a lot. He blames everyone but himself. He lived the life of a perpetual victim, even though he was directly responsible for everything that ever happened to him. He rarely had jobs, always got in touble, and didn't care how it affected his family or his life. "Why the cops always hassling me?!" he would ask us. "Why are you always breaking the law!" we'd ask him, and he let loose a string of lies and excuses.

What can you do?

I'm not in anyway saying everybodies got it tough, as if that is consolation. You've had a horrible experience, and it's okay to be sad and have regrets. It will take you a while to put things in perspective, but you will. There was nothing you could have done if she had a mental condition. The things she told you we're coming from a state of mental illness and depression.
All you can do is, do what people have always done after a period of pain and hurt:

Forgive her, because she was in a bad state, depressed, etc. Always be willing to forgive, it's hard to say your sorry, but it's sometimes harder to forgive. But forgiveness is the most advanced of all spiritual traits - not yoga, or meditation, or whatever. It's takes a spiritual powerhouse to forgive a wrong - look how many people don't forgive! But forgiving a wrongdoing usually deepens any relationship. If you really read the Bible, all Jesus ever did was walk around and forgive people - he never really healed anyone, he forgave them first, and the power of his forgiveness, and them being free from sin and guilt and regret, cured them. That was deeper and more powerful than any simple physical healing.

Don't let any hurtful comments directed your way rag you down, or kill your spirit. People on this forum try that with members, and the rest of us always say, "Don't let it bother you, that would only give the flamers satisfaction. Don't leave because one person said something nasty." Since she was depressed and battling alcohol, things said really have no meaning.

Finally, remember the good times. People who dwell on the past wrongs are always miserable. Look at all the politicians and pundits who drag up the past - do any of them look really happy? If you dwell on all the bad in the past, you can't go back in time and fix it, and you'll just be miserable forever. Remember the past joys, and move ahead in the positive direction. Use this as a jumping off point to make everyone else's life better. Transfer any negative energy into positive energy toward the other people in your life.

 

[isabeau]

thank you for those kind words. actually i have moved forward in my life and accepted her death, but this week for some reason i began dwelling again on the way she died, and what must have been going thru her mind as she lay there. i dont dwell in the past as much as i used to, i would just like someone to maybe tell me what she was thinking. i dont supppose i will ever know for sure, but i can tell you this, after her death i went into my own depression, blaming myself. later that same summer i was sleeping when i heard moms voice. i asked her why she did it and she said babydoll i wanted to go. that did help immensly but there are still times like this last week, when i get down and wonder if she blamed me at all.

isabeau

 

[Mitchell]

Isabeau, you and I have talked some, gotten to know each other, and I think, become pretty close friends. Here is my view on your situation.
First off, let me say that Iam very sorry to hear about your mom, her problems, and her passing. It sounds to me from your post that she was a woman who had serious psychological difficulties that could not be helped by any family member, or psychological professional. Perhaps she had a chemical imbalance, or severe mental illness. Whatever the case, the way she conducted her life with her alcoholism and her failure to see you in her final days sounds like it came from issues within herself, and has nothing to do with you. While I can certainly understand sadness, and maybe even a degree of guilt when a parent dies this way, let me comfort you (I hope) by saying that it sounds like from the way you described her, none of this is your fault, and her makeup was her own issue. It may not make the idea of her passing and how she was hurt any less, but one thing that you can hopefully take out of all this is that with a woman like her, no matter how hard you would have tried, she may well have been the same way.
I dont know if you have seen my posts on here in regard to my family. My father and I are estranged, have been foir 18 mos now, and at one point we were estranged for the greater part of 11 years, between 1989 and 2000, until a circumstance, and my mom's aid, got us back together, for four years ,until we split up again. My father was extremely emotionally abusive and harmful to me in all areas of my life. For years psychologists, analysts, and family therapists tried to prevail upon this man to change his ways toward me, to no avail. After a while, one of the therapists told me that no matter how hard I or any therapist tried, my father would never be any different until HE wanted to change, which has never happened. I still feel profound sadness about it, and always will, but after years of questioning if I could have done things differently to change the situation with him, I have now come to peace in the last few years that none of this is my fault, my father is how he is, and will never change. Years of therapy helped me come to this reality. I still feel very sad about not having my father in my life, but sadness and coming to terms with the situation are two different things.
Now, back to you and your mom. I think it is very natural, especially after a death of a close relative with such issues as you had with your mom, for the person living, especially if the relationship problem was not their fault, to feel "guilty" or to reproach themselves. In time, these feelings may begin to sort themselves out. I will say that from what I've heard and read here, it sounds to me that your mom was the one with the problem. You did the best you could do. While nothing anyone really says can take away one's feeling about this, I for one think it was productive that you vented about this. Sometimes comfort and validation are needed in a situation like this, and I hope your friends here can provide such for you. I've found that in my 3 years here, the people have been very supportive in regard to the situation with my father. Being my friend, I hope you know you can approach me anytime about this, if you just need to vent. We are all here for you, and, hopefully, with the support of your friends, that can aid you in getting through this very difficult time. Take care.

All the best,
Mitch

 

[isabeau]

thank you very much Mitchell. your words have helped immensely and thank you for that offer. i believe you and i are friends also. i'm sorry about your father, and i'm glad you got the help you need and are now at peace. take care friend xoxo

isabeau

 

[unit5610]

It sounds like like your mom was lucid and and able to think somewhat rationally to make these decisions for herself right up to the end, and I wish I had an idea for of what she might have been thinking of at the end, but I don't. One thing that happened to you though that is very common is that people who are sick very often lash out at or seem to hate the person who cares the most about them and does all the work to try to help them. This is typical of early to mid stage Alzheimer patients, which I saw first hand because my mom has this going on 10 years and she was awful to my father while he was still taking care of her at home. I know your mom wasn't an Alzhemiers victim but I think this happens a lot.

I'm happy that you have found some comfort from the dream you had about your mom wanting to go...I think that dream was very meaningful. You can also have a clear conscious in knowing that you were the best daughter that you could be under incredibly difficult circumstances (mental illness is such a horrible thing). You are a very good and caring person and I truly believe your kindness and support will be rewarded now that this is over.

 

[Newcastle Uni]

Hello isa,

If you ever want to send me a pm I would be happy to chat with you in real time about your situation. Maybe using msn or a private chat room somewhere. I really think it would be a good idea to talk things over in real time. If not with me, then perhaps with Mitchell. I'm sure you know isa that i'm a much better person when we private message than I may appear to be in the rest of the forum. I'm hear if you need me, but so are other people.

Take care

 

[isabeau]

thanks unit and newcastle you guys are the best. newcastle i sent you a pm. and i try to ge a good person and this is a great forum so glad i found it.

isabeau

 

[steph]

No sweetpea~release yourself of this guilt. Why? A) it's not healthy for you and B) it won't bring her back. I frequently counsel patients with psych probs and have to deal with their families. Most people (unless you work in industry) have no clue what to do in this situation. What was your mom thinking? She wasn't, because she wasn't herself, ok? If your mom was delusional she was probably paranoid schizophrenic as well as depressed and a very diff person from the one you knew and loved.

<she signed papers refusing everything. so the hospital and i could do nothing.>

I am sorry hon, this isn't the truth on the mental hospital's end~the hospital should have told you how to claim conservatorship. It's a legal procedure in which you prove your mother was incapable of caring for herself, and thusly become her power of attorney. It puts YOU in charge of her medical situation because she is, in many ways, like a impaired child, she simply isn't of mind to decide these things for herself.

The bottom line? You can't save someone who wants to die and you can't blame yourself for not being able to save her~you're trying to take on too much power love. I'm off to do my patient rounds now but if you want to talk, a certain someone we both know and love can tell you how to reach me.

XOXO

 

[isabeau]

thanks my sweet friend, stephers. actually i did have power of attorney over her, but because when she first entered the hospital the last time she was obvioulsy still lucid enough to sign those papers which refused all help, including feeding tubes, her shock treatments and the like. thanks for the nice words steph normally i dont air my personal problems like this, but for some reason this past week has been hard, and i got somewhat depressed and started thinking back. xoxo

isabeau (and i'll think about what you said about contacting you)

 

[lightninbug]

Ms Isabeau;

Let me commiserate w/ you as a fellow child of a parent who was in distress.

Sometimes we take a good long look at ourselves and understand that some of us don't turn into the people we thought we would but, more importantly, as we grow older, we ALSO find ourselves looking at our parents with a different set of eyes as well... they weren't the all knowing god-like people they were when we were small; they were people.
We find that they tried as hard as they could, most of them, and did what they did to make it thru the day to provide for a family.
However...

That super-human existance didn't mean they gave up their memberships in the human race w/ all the triumphs Heartaches, highs & lows that come w/ that membership. They were STILL people; sometimes scared, sometimes cruel, sometimes dishonest, greedy, uncaring or selfish...in addition to being mom & dad.

People make mistakes & sometimes hurt those they love w/out much thought to the matter, whereas a small incosequential remark made in an offhand flippant manner can grow into something VERY POWERFUL. A small remark can affect us in many ways down the road that makes our lives a constant series of second guesses, which we have the power to transform into a Living Hell; AND no matter what the second guess is, IT DOESN'T MATTER ,,,because we'll NEVER KNOW.

We can suffer for these small acts made so long ago and continue to suffer down the road as well because the human memory is a resiliant thing...Or we have an alternative to grasp on to the philosophical mind balm of "They really didn't mean it."

I see matters in a third light; whether a hateful act, word or feeling was meant or not I have NO control over whatsoever. How I choose to deal w/ it NOW, I DO have control over. You wanted your Mom's Nursing Home in the area you lived in so you could be there in case she needed you. That tells me that you were trying to do your duty as family and show the love of a daughter.

Death is abrupt, sudden and Final and it's human nature to wonder if you did ALL YOU COULD and try to explain actions to one who is not around. You are a fine human being and a good daughter and your memories are clouded in a recent past of difficulty. So for every bad memory, try to come up w/ a good one to match it with...you may remember the good that was shared between you both. At least remember the good you wanted for others.

Take care & have courage
BUG

 

[steph]

Ah, she had a DNR~I carry one in my purse since I was 17. Dunno if I helped at tall but don't feel bad about airing your grief~it's what friends are for!
Seriously though, I'd love to see you release yourself of this my sweet. There are a few emotions I call "wasted" such as guilt, jealousy, etc.~they serve no purpose except to make you feel like shit. I dunno about you but I can do that to myself, all by myself. I'm here if you need me, 24/7.
XOXO

thanks my sweet friend, stephers. actually i did have power of attorney over her, but because when she first entered the hospital the last time she was obvioulsy still lucid enough to sign those papers which refused all help, including feeding tubes, her shock treatments and the like. thanks for the nice words steph normally i dont air my personal problems like this, but for some reason this past week has been hard, and i got somewhat depressed and started thinking back. xoxo

isabeau (and i'll think about what you said about contacting you)

 

[isabeau]

Let me commiserate w/ you as a fellow child of a parent who was in distress.

Sometimes we take a good long look at ourselves and understand that some of us don't turn into the people we thought we would but, more importantly, as we grow older, we ALSO find ourselves looking at our parents with a different set of eyes as well... they weren't the all knowing god-like people they were when we were small; they were people.
We find that they tried as hard as they could, most of them, and did what they did to make it thru the day to provide for a family.
However...

That super-human existance didn't mean they gave up their memberships in the human race w/ all the triumphs Heartaches, highs & lows that come w/ that membership. They were STILL people; sometimes scared, sometimes cruel, sometimes dishonest, greedy, uncaring or selfish...in addition to being mom & dad.

People make mistakes & sometimes hurt those they love w/out much thought to the matter, whereas a small incosequential remark made in an offhand flippant manner can grow into something VERY POWERFUL. A small remark can affect us in many ways down the road that makes our lives a constant series of second guesses, which we have the power to transform into a Living Hell; AND no matter what the second guess is, IT DOESN'T MATTER ,,,because we'll NEVER KNOW.

We can suffer for these small acts made so long ago and continue to suffer down the road as well because the human memory is a resiliant thing...Or we have an alternative to grasp on to the philosophical mind balm of "They really didn't mean it."

I see matters in a third light; whether a hateful act, word or feeling was meant or not I have NO control over whatsoever. How I choose to deal w/ it NOW, I DO have control over. You wanted your Mom's Nursing Home in the area you lived in so you could be there in case she needed you. That tells me that you were trying to do your duty as family and show the love of a daughter.

Death is abrupt, sudden and Final and it's human nature to wonder if you did ALL YOU COULD and try to explain actions to one who is not around. You are a fine human being and a good daughter and your memories are clouded in a recent past of difficulty. So for every bad memory, try to come up w/ a good one to match it with...you may remember the good that was shared between you both. At least remember the good you wanted for others.

Take care & have courage
BUG

thank you Bug. that makes me feel much better, i had my doubts after posting this thread, didnt want to come off as a whiney butt. mom was the type of individual who used guilt to get what she wanted from me. and for the most part it worked. i willl take your words to heart and follow your advice. and sorry to hear about your parents distress also.

and stephers i also have no problem in doing this same thing to myself. have for years. its time to snap out of it for me and enjoy the many wonderful things life has to offer such as you for a friend.

isabeau

 

[steph]

Atta girl!

PS~don't be afraid to talk to a pro yourself if this continues to plague you babe, there's no shame in that, yanno...

and stephers i also have no problem in doing this same thing to myself. have for years. its time to snap out of it for me and enjoy the many wonderful things life has to offer such as you for a friend.

isabeau

 

[lightninbug]

Glad I could help in some small way

My DAD was a Travel agent for Guilt Trips. 😡
But Y'Know. Worrying about yesteday coulds up our vision Today & if we can't enjoy TODAY, we can't expect tomorrow to be different. 🙁

You're job was done. mission completed if not accomplished.

It's a beautiful world out here, Mz E. ...Life's a banquet & half the people think they have to starve to death.
Cm'on IN...the water's FINE.
BUG

 

[isabeau]

Mabus, i just re read your post. the friends wife who is taking care of his sister because her own family wont is a wonderful human being. i just hope she gets help, because caregivers need days off or they will break. and i know mom is in heaven, because even though this was a suicide so to speak, as you said she wasnt in her right mind and didnt know what she was doing. i have forgiven her long ago, the memories for some reason resurfaced yesterday. thank you all for responding, i was reading some of these answers to my husband, and he was mad because i didnt come to him , he had no idea i was down all week. but sometimes its best to vent to people that dont have such a close connection .

isabeau

 

[Dave2112]

It is difficult to know what exactly is going on in an unhealthy mind. Your mother may very well not have been in control of her emotions, even if she was in control of the choices based on them. To put it in local colloquial terms..."If the foundation ain't solid, even the roof'll be crooked."

The important thing is to not place any of the blame on yourself. Reality is somewhat shifted for those whose emotions have altered thier perception. It's not really anybody's fault. Depression, especially the type you describe, can affect people in ways unimaginable.

You did the best you could. And, your mother is in a far better place, one free of confusion. I do hope that you feel better soon about things. As always, I'm always here if you need to talk.

 

[isabeau]

thanks Dave actually posting here has helped immensely and thanks for saying you are always here. i appreciate it. i feel much better than i did this morning when i first posted this thread. i believe maybe my own depression was not an accident, but something to help me realize depression cannot be helped, it happens always before i blamed mom when she would go into one of her bouts. now i know differently

isabeau

 

[kis123]

This thread is bringing back some crappy memories!

Isabeau:

My mother suffered from depression and it eventually killed her. She died from breast cancer but the depression is what sucked the life out of her. In my mother's era, depression didn't exist. Nothing negative existed-everything was just fine and you went on with your life.

There are seven of us-my mom was pregnant even more times. Everytime a woman gives pregnant her hormones and chemical makeup changes so it only makes it worse. After she lost one of us at age 9, mom went over the edge and the wall of depression got higher and higher until it consumed her. She made a ton of horrible decisions from that point including dealing with my father. She should have dumped his sorry a** years ago! My grandmother and my mother's siblings just labeled her the "black sheep" so all of her children (myself included) were labeled the same. It didn't help that my mother was a dark-complected (skinned) woman raised in a family of fairer-skinned black people. My grandmother was mean-spirited and horribly abusive to all of her children, but my mother got the worst of it. She was doomed practically from the start.

The last horrible decision my mother made was to ignore the lump in her breast and refuse to see the doctor. She was a nurse for 44 years-she knew what that lump was. She ignored it as if it would go away-talk about delusional! She passed out at work and the job told her she couldn't return until she was cleared by a doctor. My mom knew she wouldn't be cleared, so what was her next great decision? She decides to stay at home and collect sick time until her job treatened termination. Still, mom hasn't gone to the doctor! I finally had enough-I knew something was wrong, but didn't know how bad things were. I finally told her she can voluntarily go to the doctor or I can drag her there kicking and screaming! No other family members would help me in the beginning-they wrote my mother off to her behavior problems. We finally found out the horrible truth-she had cancer all right! The tumor consumed (literally) the left side of her chest. This from a nurse of 44 years? Anyone know how angry I got? I could have set the world on fire I was so angry! Everyone threw the blame game-who the hell cares at this point?

I spent the next 22 months as my mother's caregiver-she didn't make it easy for me at all! She busy-bodied with my kids, interferred in my marriage, and basically took over my home. Then one day while I was at work, she walked out of my home and went back to her house leaving all her things behind. I nearly called the police worried about her disappearing like that. That was the thanks I got for her turning my life upside down.

Isabeau, I've been where you're at. You're asking a whole lot of questions that I did ten years ago. I'm very sorry about your mother. I could say she could have made better choices, but maybe she couldn't. We live in an age now that we're in information overload-we can get answers to issues that were not available when our parents were our age. Maybe they just didn't have the strength to pull through long enough to get the right information.

Whatever the reasons were, we'll never know. They died with our parents. It's our job to keep living-not just surviving, but to live, grow, and thrive. That's what I choose to do everyday-and it's not easy to do. I was raised by a very sick woman-some of that mess did rub off on me and it cost me dearly. I still fight against ending up just the way my mother did. I have two children who depend on a constant in their lives even when they think they don't need it. I'm that parent because their father is unreliable. He's also depressed but refuses to do anything about it.

I told a friend of mine that we are responsible for the consequences of the choices we make. This is true regardless of the person's upbringing, environment, and circumstances. There are some very sick people out here (I'm raising one myself) but they're still going to have to deal with the outcomes created by their decisions. Isabeau's mother had to deal and so did my mother. And yes, the loved ones have to suffer the consequences as well. It sucks, but it's life nonetheless.

Well folks, I didn't mean to suck up so much space with this post. Isabeau's thread stirred up some severe memories of my life with mom. I had a friend email me last night about an issue that kept me up all night. He didn't even know that issue was on my mind. I think this has been cathartic in a way-I just hope it helps Isabeau and maybe someone else.

 

[isabeau]

holy crap kis i didnt mean to bring up those horrible memories. but you know something hon? knowing there are others out there like me, or even worse, is a help in itself. i admire you and your spirit to continue despite having a husband who is also depressed. wow. anyway you did help thanks loads girlfriend. of course i havent been sitting here feeling sorry for myself at all, its just that sometimes you cant control your mind you know? and thinking of dad and the bravery he showed during his final days made me also naturally think of moms final days as well. i know i know tis a fault of mine to think of the past. i have learned not to this past year, but this last week i'm not sure, memories just overwhelmed me.

isabeau xoxox kis

 

[steph]

Sweet doll....
You mention your own issues with depression~there's an entire school out there who believe that depression/psych issues are chemical in nature (read: NOT your fault!) AND genetic...FWIW
XOXO

 

[kis123]

holy crap kis i didnt mean to bring up those horrible memories. but you know something hon? knowing there are others out there like me, or even worse, is a help in itself. i admire you and your spirit to continue despite having a husband who is also depressed. wow. anyway you did help thanks loads girlfriend. of course i havent been sitting here feeling sorry for myself at all, its just that sometimes you cant control your mind you know? and thinking of dad and the bravery he showed during his final days made me also naturally think of moms final days as well. i know i know tis a fault of mine to think of the past. i have learned not to this past year, but this last week i'm not sure, memories just overwhelmed me.

isabeau xoxox kis

Me and the ex haven't been together for about six years. We still have a child to raise so we do it long distance. The memories of mom sucked but they're now 10 years old-she's a lot happier now than she ever was on this earth.

I seem to be going through a process myself. Maybe today was the day I dump my trash and move forward. Maybe today's the day you consider working towards the same.

I wish you well.

 

[kurchatovium]

I am sorry all this bad stuff happened to you isabeau I will put you in my thoughts and prayers.

You had to make a lot of hard decisions for your mom and always acted in her best interest, sometimes real life is such that we can not always have things exactly the way we want. You did the best you could with what was available to you. Ultimately that is all God or anyone can ask of a person. Try not to feel bad or guilty. I know its hard but from your posts I can tell you are caring, loving person and ultimately that is what this world always needs more of. If you need to talk more send me a PM . Peace and wuv hun.

 

[CaptainQuantum]

This may not be an easy thing to hear, or may seem like to easy an answer. But I think that the way your mother treated you before she got ill is a much closer to the truth than after.

I suffer from major depression (although mine is very situational), and my mom is bipolar. My mom has gone off her meds more times than I can count. And when she does, she gets VERY paranoid and VERY mean. The meanness is probably because she thinks everyone is out to get her, including me. When she is on her meds, she is a completely different person, and I don't think even remembers most of the stuff she has said/done while off her meds.

It has gotten so bad that one time she came over to my house a total mess, completely paranoid out of her mind, asking me "where's Phil, what have you done with Phil?" She had been off her meds for some time, and I said to her "we can do this the easy way or the hard way. you can let me take you to the hospital or you can go with the police to the hospital. But someone is taking you, and they're taking you tonight." She let me take her that night.

I know I'm rambling a bit myself here. But I know how it is and this hits close to home for me, for obvious reasons. Anyway, know that you didn't do anything wrong, and that if your mom treated you badly while she was sick, that's to be expected from someone who is mentally ill, unfortunately. Take care.

Phil

 

[CaptainQuantum]

Btw.....

There is a message board, very similar to TMF only it is dealing with mental illness. It's www.crazyboards.org Don't let the name throw you, they're really cool, they just have a sense of humor about it is all, which you have to. Even though it's your mom who had the mental illness, there has to be lot of people who can relate to having relatives who are mentally ill and can offer some insight. Just a thought.