ok, i'm not a fan of tickling, i dont really like it, i dont understand what kicks people get from it, i dont know how you can make it sexual and then have it as entertainment, i dont know how you can have it as porn and then not consider it sexual whilst you tickle your friend. but my partner has a tickling thing and though i hate it i am trying to understand it...please make a few things clearer to me please
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i just dont get it
- Thread starter why?
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tickledorange
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Which one is your partner? Does he like to tickle or be tickled?
TicklishLurker
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why? said:
Well, some of my non-TK friends who are straight think it's funny to do highly sexual kisses with friends of the same gender. Guy on guy, girl on girl - and they don't get turned on by it even though they're doing tongue and all that while someone takes pictures. I suppose if they can mentally seperate sexual kisses from sexual-looking-but-just-for-larks kissing, then we can seperate sexual tickling from playful.
but thats what i dont understand. i mean i dont like it but i sometimes put up with it because my partner likes it so much, even though it kinda ruins things for me.
but why should a good relationship be ruined because of a fetish? is it really that important?
i dont have a fetish that i can think of so i really dont understand
but why should a good relationship be ruined because of a fetish? is it really that important?
i dont have a fetish that i can think of so i really dont understand
why? said:
Actually it is, though its different for everyone. First of all, Not everyone who likes tickling "more than the normal person" is a tickle fetishist. Some are just tickle fans. The difference is that tickle fetishests are sexually aroused by it, and tickle fans just do it for fun. For a fetishist, tickling arouses them. Which is why the thought of being in a long term relationship where tickling is not a part of it is hard (impossible) for the fetishist. When there is no tickling, their sexual relationships are just not complete. Picture what you like your man to do to you when you're in bed. Then picture being in a long-term relationship with someone who refuses to give you that. That is what it's like for a tickle fetishist who is in a relationship without tickling. For any relationship to work, you have to meet each other halfway...including in the bedroom
Have you talked to him about what you don't like about tickling? Is it torturous for you? Do you not like the feeling of helplessness? Talk to him about it, and exactly what your issues are with it. If he doesn't have solutions to your concerns, have him come here (if he isn't here already). Someone here could help you both address these concerns.
Also, I think it's commendable that you clearly care about him enough that you are trying to understand this fetish that you don't get. Good luck to both of you.
thats the thing, i know he has a fetish and that it is a sexual thing for him and i know it may sound pathetic but because ive been cheated on before and because i dont understand the whole tickle thing, if he tickles one of my friends i do see it in the same way as kissing them as he does get a kick from it.
i dont want to get into personal things because he has been a member on here before and because he shared so many personal details about me and what he believed to be true as well as ridiculing my feelings about it we had a fight about it because i found out through internet history.
i dont need to cut out entirely but i do find it strange that out of 3/4 times a day (if hes lucky) it has to be involved...is it really that necessary?
does tickling really play that big a part?
i dont want to get into personal things because he has been a member on here before and because he shared so many personal details about me and what he believed to be true as well as ridiculing my feelings about it we had a fight about it because i found out through internet history.
i dont need to cut out entirely but i do find it strange that out of 3/4 times a day (if hes lucky) it has to be involved...is it really that necessary?
does tickling really play that big a part?
why? said:
Well you can't judge his intentions based on another person's response. For that matter, you have probably turned a guy on without meaning to, even just by walking by them in a cute skirt.
As far as what his intentions are when he tickles platonic friends, I can't answer that. Some of us here will get turned on whoever they tickle/get tickled by anyone (factoring in sexual preference). Others will say they can separate between playful tickling between a friend and sexual tickling. It depends on the person.
Hope this has helped. Best of luck.
why? said:
Again, different for everyone. For me personally.....no. I can go months without even thinking about it (as given by my frequen hiatuses here). For some, it's as natural as looking at a girl's boobs or a guys ass. It's always at the forefront of their sexuality.
I've never been in this situation, so I can't really help. I'm sure others who have been in this position with boy/girfriends can help you better.
Yeh i can see why people don't like it, I personally don't have a tickling fetish but my boyfriend has both a tickling fetish and a foot fetish so I'm on here for him.
I suppose its all about comprimise (sp?!) I'm sure he/she does things for you which he's not too keen on.
Just make sure that he knows that tickling isn't your favourite thing in the world and try to have short bursts of tickling frequently instead of a full on 30 mins attack. That way your tolerance of it should increase.
I agree with Bugman if you really hate it then things will be difficult but only you and your boyfriend will ever know whats the right thing for you to do
I suppose its all about comprimise (sp?!) I'm sure he/she does things for you which he's not too keen on.
Just make sure that he knows that tickling isn't your favourite thing in the world and try to have short bursts of tickling frequently instead of a full on 30 mins attack. That way your tolerance of it should increase.
I agree with Bugman if you really hate it then things will be difficult but only you and your boyfriend will ever know whats the right thing for you to do
Mr.Tickler
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Not to divert the thread here, but I was turned on by feet at like age 4 or 5.That should've been too young to have erotic fetishes,or erotic anything.Relationships are a compromise,but I'm not even in one right now so I can't delve into that.
I don´t know if I´m going to be of any help but:
1st: the sexual/playful aspect of tickling. To understand it try to think for instance of why some perssons are more phisical than others. You surely know someone who is allways giving hugs to everyone or some promoting some other kinds of phisical contact. And that does not authomatically means that persson is trying to flirt or get sexually involved with every single persson he/she hugs. Basically, if you don´t trust your boyfriend near another girl, then you have a bigger problem on your hands which wont probably end or start with tickling.
2nd: The strength of the fetish. As many already said, it´s really different depending on each one. For me it is really big and my sexual life would never be complete without tickling. My girlfriends either understand this and are ok with it or sooner or latter they´ll get too scared that I´ll be looking for it elsewhere. And here you will have a big problem because you know you´re not giving him what he wants and therefore you will see danger on every ocasion he tickles any girl because you really know he is "in need". It´s not necessary to discuss the trouble with little fights that can and will arise every now and then because you are afraid.
3rd: If you want to go for it how can you do it. This will also depend on your sensibility and mostly personality. To this day I had no problem converting every girlfriend into a tickle fan. Usually I go for a softer aproach, I try to go with slight teasing tickles at 1st, we tend to establish some kind of training programe were i will tickle her gently every day for just a few seconds with her in total control and calling the break after 1,2,3,10 seconds, whatever she feels like. I find that if this is made in a very soft and teasing way, together with some massage and a lot of kisses and whatever makes you feel well after it that you will tend to see it better as each day passes. The seconds you are able to stand being tickled start increasing slightly with time. The thing with this is that if you want to do it you simply need to be able to let go. The thing with tickling is not that it makes you laugh, you laugh more and harder from jokes probably. Regular people are not tickled to laugh as hard as they laugh every day with jokes. The problem with tickling is that someone is forcing you to laugh and the catch here is that to withstand it you must be able to give control of yourself on the ends of someone you trust. So if you really love him and trust him, let go of your fears, let go of your restraints, let yourself loose control and remember that you´ll just laugh for a while like you laugh when something really funny happens.
Hope this helps!
But in the end, remember! If you don´t want to go for it, you don´t need to. Maybe you haven´t found yet the right persson, maybe you are not ready yet to submit into being tickled. There are never correct answers in life, each choice you take simply places you on a different path and that´s it!
1st: the sexual/playful aspect of tickling. To understand it try to think for instance of why some perssons are more phisical than others. You surely know someone who is allways giving hugs to everyone or some promoting some other kinds of phisical contact. And that does not authomatically means that persson is trying to flirt or get sexually involved with every single persson he/she hugs. Basically, if you don´t trust your boyfriend near another girl, then you have a bigger problem on your hands which wont probably end or start with tickling.
2nd: The strength of the fetish. As many already said, it´s really different depending on each one. For me it is really big and my sexual life would never be complete without tickling. My girlfriends either understand this and are ok with it or sooner or latter they´ll get too scared that I´ll be looking for it elsewhere. And here you will have a big problem because you know you´re not giving him what he wants and therefore you will see danger on every ocasion he tickles any girl because you really know he is "in need". It´s not necessary to discuss the trouble with little fights that can and will arise every now and then because you are afraid.
3rd: If you want to go for it how can you do it. This will also depend on your sensibility and mostly personality. To this day I had no problem converting every girlfriend into a tickle fan. Usually I go for a softer aproach, I try to go with slight teasing tickles at 1st, we tend to establish some kind of training programe were i will tickle her gently every day for just a few seconds with her in total control and calling the break after 1,2,3,10 seconds, whatever she feels like. I find that if this is made in a very soft and teasing way, together with some massage and a lot of kisses and whatever makes you feel well after it that you will tend to see it better as each day passes. The seconds you are able to stand being tickled start increasing slightly with time. The thing with this is that if you want to do it you simply need to be able to let go. The thing with tickling is not that it makes you laugh, you laugh more and harder from jokes probably. Regular people are not tickled to laugh as hard as they laugh every day with jokes. The problem with tickling is that someone is forcing you to laugh and the catch here is that to withstand it you must be able to give control of yourself on the ends of someone you trust. So if you really love him and trust him, let go of your fears, let go of your restraints, let yourself loose control and remember that you´ll just laugh for a while like you laugh when something really funny happens.
Hope this helps!
But in the end, remember! If you don´t want to go for it, you don´t need to. Maybe you haven´t found yet the right persson, maybe you are not ready yet to submit into being tickled. There are never correct answers in life, each choice you take simply places you on a different path and that´s it!
maniactickler
Level of Ruby Feather
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why? said:
To a true tickle fetishist, it is EVERYTHING. if your not prepared to deal with the tickling, make it clear now so he can move on.
ok, i've been with this guy a year and i dont think you guys realise how much i actually compromise and submit. if he doesnt want or like something i do with out and even though i hate it, i let him do it. i've once thrown up because of it and yet i still let him do it. why is it the ticklee that has to compromise?
do you honestly think that it cant work purely because of these issues?
do you honestly think that it cant work purely because of these issues?
why? said:
Depending on how strongly your partner feels about it, yes. It's like any other issue that's important to someone. Maybe you're passionate about politics and need to be with someone with opinions on current events and your partner doesn't give a good darn about it. How can you have a long term solid relationship with someone you can't share your passions with?
Moving into the sexual realm. Let's say your whole life you've fantasized about someone who kisses a certain way. The kiss has to start slow and soft and warm and gradually build and when it's like that, you get incredibly aroused and have the best sex. Imagine your partner doesn't like kissing at all- just doesn't "get it" and does it just to please you but complains about it. Or does it to please you but resents it because he doesn't see what the big deal it. Are you ever going to be happy? You'll be angry because kissing is important to you and he doesn't "get it." And he'll be resentful because he tries - for you - but it's just not good enough.
See?
maniactickler
Level of Ruby Feather
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why? said:
It doesnt sound like your all that happy either. time for you two to have a serious talk. i dont see this relationship doing well.
Basically in a relationship, both people need to be well and love each other for what they are.
Your boyfriend loves tickling, that´s how he is and he wont change. Usually the ticklee compromizes because tickling is a natural human behaviour and most of the people have no problem with it. If you have the kind of problem you seem to have with tickling this sugests that you´re not the average girl....it happens....it´s bad for you both but it happens. Reallity is that your boyfriend can have more fun with probably most of your female friends and this is what will tend to bring your relationship down. It will be is unhapiness, is wanting to have more fun, together with your fear that he is really getting more fun with another female. In the long run this will be there all the time. Of course you can live with it if you really love everything else on each other, but realize that you´ll never achieve 100% happiness....I reckon very few people achieve it either way and most people often let themselves stay with just 50% or so (if we can reduce such important things to percentages).
I guess you can get the point.
I´d say that if he really needs to tickle torture you for 1 hour straight and untill you are almost dead...then he should also compromise. But if he just likes to have playfull tickles all the time and have a little of it before or during sex, then most of the girls out there will be fine with it.
This will be the same with bondage and with every other fetish...and even with far more simple things!
I´ll tell you an example. Right now I´m starting to get out with this girl and she has already warned me that she really hates to be touched on her bellybutton....and you might thinks she´s crazy because you don´t see any problem with some guy touching your bellybutton....but everyone´s different! So I need to think if touching her bellybutton is something I can live without or not! And you might think this to be weird but this is a real example! And often these kind of things will happen like the guy that really hates when you touch his hair or the guy that can´t stand you touch him somewhere else. Just ask yourself what would you think of some guy like that and you´ll see it´s harder than it looks.
Best of luck!
Your boyfriend loves tickling, that´s how he is and he wont change. Usually the ticklee compromizes because tickling is a natural human behaviour and most of the people have no problem with it. If you have the kind of problem you seem to have with tickling this sugests that you´re not the average girl....it happens....it´s bad for you both but it happens. Reallity is that your boyfriend can have more fun with probably most of your female friends and this is what will tend to bring your relationship down. It will be is unhapiness, is wanting to have more fun, together with your fear that he is really getting more fun with another female. In the long run this will be there all the time. Of course you can live with it if you really love everything else on each other, but realize that you´ll never achieve 100% happiness....I reckon very few people achieve it either way and most people often let themselves stay with just 50% or so (if we can reduce such important things to percentages).
I guess you can get the point.
I´d say that if he really needs to tickle torture you for 1 hour straight and untill you are almost dead...then he should also compromise. But if he just likes to have playfull tickles all the time and have a little of it before or during sex, then most of the girls out there will be fine with it.
This will be the same with bondage and with every other fetish...and even with far more simple things!
I´ll tell you an example. Right now I´m starting to get out with this girl and she has already warned me that she really hates to be touched on her bellybutton....and you might thinks she´s crazy because you don´t see any problem with some guy touching your bellybutton....but everyone´s different! So I need to think if touching her bellybutton is something I can live without or not! And you might think this to be weird but this is a real example! And often these kind of things will happen like the guy that really hates when you touch his hair or the guy that can´t stand you touch him somewhere else. Just ask yourself what would you think of some guy like that and you´ll see it´s harder than it looks.
Best of luck!
why? said:
Trust me....its not only the ticklee. Many people here are ticklees and can't seem to find that one person that will tickle them to their satisfaction. And quite possible, he is already compromising what he wants because he knows you don't like it. For example his "ideal fantasy" might be an all-night intense tickling session with heavy bondage (I don't know if it is, it's just an example). Well, the only way ticklers will get that is if we have a true lee or someone willing to do that. Most of the time,we have to compromise.
And the key word is compromise, which means 2 people. You can't be fulfilling all his needs and none of your own (and vice versa). If you have needs that are not being met...tell him. You both have to meet each other halfway.
why? said:
If you are this distressed about things and hate being tickled that much, then you have compromised yourself into a dilemna. Lots of people who start out hating it learn to like it. But if you have been in this relationship over a year and still hate being tickled, then it's no longer a compromise. It's become the thing you do in order to keep him around. Being mostly ler myself, if my man didn't like being tickled and I tickled away at him, it borders abuse. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who did something to me that I hated; but you allow it so far be it for me to mind your relationship business.
You're going to have to make a decision for yourself because I don't see you lasting in this relationship much longer otherwise.
I wish you the best.
lergirl69 said:
I don't see him compromising at all! If you're in a relationship with someone who does something that you hate in order to fufill himself sexually, how exactly is he compromising? He's getting his funky off at her expense with little to no concern for how she feels. Looks like a one-sided relationship to me. Then again, she's letting him do it, so maybe he thinks it is a compromise huh?
Based on why's previous posts, I think she already feels unfulfilled. There's a thin line between compromise and sacrifice. I'm with maniac on this one-I think it's time for the "talk."
why? said:
Wait! You've thrown up from it??!! Good grief. Sounds like you're being a **total** trooper about accomodating him yet he's totally out of touch from your point of view. That's not cool.
I don't have any suggestions how to fix your situation other than to say your bf sounds like he needs to chill out and recognize he's going overboard.
