I kind of feel like a horrible person.....

[Musicroxmysox]

Well as the thread title says I kind of do feel like a horrible person right now. Its not that I've done anything terrible at all, but here goes.

So I've been talking to this guy for about five months or so, and we've gone on a couple of dates. I do know that he likes me and I think at some point he will want to move this friendship we have to another level. And I feel kind of terrible because he really is a great guy and super nice and everything....but....I'm just not really attracted to him, at all and that is kind of a problem for me. I mean don't you have to at least be somewhat attracted to someone to build a lasting relationship?

But anyway am I really terrible for thinking this? Cause I kind of feel like I am.....

 

[CurtWild]

no.

despite what some people say,i think a physical attraction(assuming this is what you mean) is very important.

it`s certainly a tough situation.try to umm...not lead him on and if your friendship is a good one,try not reject him before you are sure he is coming on.

it`s not your fault

 

[maniactickler]

Maybe the problem is that hes too nice and boring. being a great guy doesnt mean a girl will be attracted to a man. attraction isnt a choice, it just happens. you cant control it.

 

[lk70]

Been there! There's nothing you can do about it and you're not a horrible person. It's just chemistry and that's all there is to it.

I wish I could tell you how to be honest with him and also spare his feelings, but I have no clue. If you figure it out, please share.

Best of luck.

 

[Strider]

Yeah, there's really not a whole lot you can do, you either have chemistry with a person, or you don't; and if you don't, it's not going to last. You'll feel like a lousy person for telling him that you don't feel the same way he does, but it'll preempt a much worse meltdown if you try to make yourself feel something that isn't there.

 

[Helena]

You are not a horrible person for not wanting more from someone.
Saying no is the right thing to do.
Just because someone likes you does not mean that you will feel the same for him.
Good luck.

 

[tcklft]

Well, it seems you know how you feel, so you should tell him so you can both move on with your lives.

 

[kis123]

If it don't fit, don't force it!

Please do him a favor and let him know how you feel as soon as possible. The longer you continue to date, the more likely you're sending him the wrong message.

I had the same issues with my SO when we first met, but I gave him a chance anyway and we're moving along nicely. He doesn't have the look I'm accustomed to, but he is attractive and we definitely have chemistry.

But if he's not working for you, he just isn't. Now if you continue in the direction you're going then it would be your fault for leading him on.

Hope this helps and I wish you well in your relationship pursuits

 

[steph]

You're not a horrible person. Guys misunderstand my "niceness" all the time for liking them. But. Some of the best relationships I've ever had were with guys I wasn't initially attracted to.

Now, if you really can't stomach the idea, I always went with my typical nice girl approach, it seems you care on some level, and you don't want to hurt him. I'd just say that "I'm having fun being single right now." It doesn't put him on the defensive that way.
XOXO

 

[scorpionldr]

Well as the thread title says I kind of do feel like a horrible person right now. Its not that I've done anything terrible at all, but here goes.

So I've been talking to this guy for about five months or so, and we've gone on a couple of dates. I do know that he likes me and I think at some point he will want to move this friendship we have to another level. And I feel kind of terrible because he really is a great guy and super nice and everything....but....I'm just not really attracted to him, at all and that is kind of a problem for me. I mean don't you have to at least be somewhat attracted to someone to build a lasting relationship?

But anyway am I really terrible for thinking this? Cause I kind of feel like I am.....

lol well, your right. guys bend over backwards only to break....such a shame

 

[aurora5150]

i tend to agree with most of the posts here. for a relationship to move to the next level there has to be chemistry. otherwise you are not gonna be happy and eventually he's gonna figure it out. but in no way are you a bad person. you have to do what's right for you.

 

[Musicroxmysox]

Someone asked for an update so here goes.

I told him that I think we should just be friends, because I'm not into him in that way, and I am also dealing with my own complicated situation anyway. He's being really nice about it but I still feel bad. Well anyway thats it. Thanks for all of the advice everyone.

 

[kis123]

Someone asked for an update so here goes.

I told him that I think we should just be friends, because I'm not into him in that way, and I am also dealing with my own complicated situation anyway. He's being really nice about it but I still feel bad. Well anyway thats it. Thanks for all of the advice everyone.

Way to go girl!

I know that wasn't easy, but at least you were honest and he knows where you stand. I wish you well in your romantic pursuits.