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Illtcklu's Job Application

Illtcklu

3rd Level Blue Feather
Joined
Dec 5, 2005
Messages
5,535
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NAME: Illtcklu

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Gemini
 
Way too modest dear. You left out special skills such as piano tuning and car detailing. And come on, you have had a lot of schooling, er I mean schools.
 
Very funny!! I must confess that when i started reading this i thought that you were going to put something a little different in the "Desired position"... :blush: :angel:
 
bellystrokes said:
Way too modest dear. You left out special skills such as piano tuning and car detailing. And come on, you have had a lot of schooling, er I mean schools.
You can be my PR person!!!!!! :redheart:
 
hmm what was that about a dumb blonde?? and you have picked up more than fifty pounds before...
 
isabeau said:
hmm what was that about a dumb blonde?? and you have picked up more than fifty pounds before...
Uh................. I don't know?




I didn't do it, momma! 😱 Whatever I'm in trouble for........ I didn't do it.
 
Illtcklu said:
Uh................. I don't know?




I didn't do it, momma! 😱 Whatever I'm in trouble for........ I didn't do it.

dont give me that Mister..you are in major trouble with this smart blonde... :wub:
 
isabeau said:
dont give me that Mister..you are in major trouble with this smart blonde... :wub:
Uh................I din't do nothin. And there's no proof I did!
 
Ill is getting smarter at job interviews. I guess it's because he didn't like his last job with airport security.






*artist depiction of illtcklu at his last job*
 
kered said:
Ill is getting smarter at job interviews. I guess it's because he didn't like his last job with airport security.






*artist depiction of illtcklu at his last job*
That job always smelled like ass! :xlime:
 
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