I'm Confused...Can Anyone Help?

[AiritheDestoyer]

OK, here's the thing.

I have a friend who, back in the middle of 2006 was going through some surgical changes. He kinda fell off the face of the Earth for a few months. When he came back, he told us that he had gotten a sex change.

Now, when I met him, he said he was a guy... but he was a girl, in the process of changing.. so he's a guy now.. but what I'm getting at is:

Telling your (online) friends that you had a sex change isn't easy. And if you think it is, you've thought wrong, because if it was, I wouldn't be posting this.

I call his number, like I had been doing daily ever since he disappeared.. but he hadn't ever answered..until then.. so he tells me what he'd gone through.. and so that's when we three-way another mutual friend. He explains to her what happened. She gets all defensive and cuts him out of her life, without letting him finish explaining.

That was about 18 months ago.

Today, she IMs him and tells him that she'd rather talk to ME than HIM. And I'm thinking "why even IM him then at all?' (Him and I stayed friends throughout the rest of the changing and we still are) So, you know, my friend makes this chat for us, and she doesn't even apologize, she just starts chatting like everything is OK..

And it isn't. Yeah, he didn't handle it the best way.. but really how DO you handle something like that?

And I just don't know if I can be friends with someone who wouldn't take the time to at least try to understand.. I've been abandoned before. It isn't fun. I don't want to see my other friends be abandoned too...

But I don't know... should I still talk to her, act like everything is fine?

It seems fine with him... but not to me..and I know it's about how he feels.. but I still don't know... somebody help, please!

 

[ParanoidChant1]

Well, if it bothers you then you should let her know. I'm hazarding a guess that he's just glad that she's talking to him again, so I wouldn't make a huge deal about it, but you should air out all disagreements with your friends before they ferment into genuine bad blood.

I have a friend who just recently started telling people that she's a boy in a girl's body, and her fear of people's reaction to it is tearing her up. I hate seeing her like that so I can relate to your predicament. I hope everything gets resolved amicably between you three!

 

[AiritheDestoyer]

Thank you for your advice.

I hope all goes well with your friend.

But I have a question.. are you talking about hermaphroditism? If you are... that's what my friend went through..

 

[ParanoidChant1]

Ah, I see -- no, my friend is transgender. She hasn't indicated to me whether or not she wants any surgical work done. I may have to ask you for general advice on how to help her through it all later.

 

[AiritheDestoyer]

What's transgender?

 

[Camel26]

Transgender is when someone is born, for example, female, but identifies as male--ie: A person feels that they were born into the wrong body/gendered body. Studies of Brain scans of Transgendered folk show that their brains actually show more similarities to the gender to which they identify than to the gender into which they were born. I have 3 friends who are trans, and the process of changing the body to match the mind/spirit is daunting, to say the very least...

Regardless, if you are miffed with your friend, tell her...don't let it fester. It will only cause problems later.

 

[AiritheDestoyer]

Well.. we talked, my trans firiend and I, and I do believe we came to an agreement that we won't talk to her unless she IMs (and she won't because she thinks it's our responsibility to IM her) so I guess not wanting to talk to her and being forced to won't be a problem anymore

Thank you guys so much for your help

And thanks Camel for the explanation as well