cutefeetinnj said:
up until about a month ago i was pregnant and just watched now he wants me to join in but im not sure and i cant decide if this is crossing any lines? any opinions would be appreciated
Oh, this is crossing some lines allright. The question is, are those
your lines? If not, you don't have to concern yourself with that, except:
1. Crossing some socially accepted lines makes it easier to cross more of them (thinking "We have already done so many unusual things -- what's wrong with going this one extra step?") Keep in mind that while your boundaries are not where the society says they should be,
you still have boundaries somewhere, and you have a right to stand by them. In other words, don't let someone pressure you into things just because you've already done other things.
2. Social norms don't have much value if they don't apply to you, except in the matters of support (especially when something goes wrong). Ordinarily if you have an argument in your marriage, you can look to friends, relatives, movies, books, and councilors for advice and/or arbitration. If your relationship is unconventional, most of them will be of no use, besides blaming all your troubles on the unconventionalness of your relationship.
3. The rumor mill is powerful. What you do in your bedroom shouldn't be anybody's business, but in reality (depending on where you live) challenging the marriage paradigm can cost you your reputation, your friends, your job, and your children.
There are resources on the net that you may find useful, however. I recommend reading up on polyamory and swinging (try
www.polyamory.org).
