I've been moderating more aggressively lately - here's why

[TMF Jeff]

I'm a pretty active member of a couple of non-tickling communities - /r/dnd and Critical Role.

And both of those communities do something very well that I have sometimes not been that good at - maintaining a positive vibe.

I am kind of a sarcastic and snarky person, and I've been moderated repeatedly on those places because of that. And being honest, I didn't like it very much. Sometimes I've found myself thinking "That was so gently sarcastic, nobody could possibly have been offended by it."

Especially because it's so impersonal in those communities - there's nobody you can ask why you got moderated and nobody explains anything. They just remove anything they think doesn't fit the tone they're trying have for their group.

I find it a little frustrating and hard to deal with.

But I've also come to see the wisdom of clearing out negativity before it has a chance to take hold, and being quick on the trigger. If people think they're going to be attacked every time they say something, they just won't say it. If there's a good chance that they're going to be embarrassed and goofed on for sticking their neck out, then they're not going to try.

And I've personally witnessed the result of making your community a more positive place - people blossom. They come out of their shells, and they come together to help each other. Critical Role in particular has done an amazing job of building a warm, supportive community. They're also, not coincidentally, the group who have moderated me the most when I felt I didn't deserve it.

So I'm trying to find my own path to creating that kind of community by moderating a little more quickly and "aggressively" while also trying to maintain an openness of communication that I felt those other groups I mentioned were lacking (although in fairness, at least in the case of Critical Role they have a much bigger community to manage.)

I often, but not always, will try to reach out to a person if I had to remove their post for some reason, and at least give them an explanation and an opportunity to tell me "I think you're wrong," or "I'm mad that you did that."

If I don't do that, it's usually because I felt like the reason was obvious. But I'm always just a Private Message away, and people can and do reach out to me to ask for an explanation.

In the past when, being honest, I was just an angrier person, I didn't do that sort of thing. And sometimes I've just let the forum run itself when my emotional resources were completely drained.

But I'm trying to change, and I'm trying to be better at this part of my life - my role as "Community Manager" for the online tickling community.

So if I've offended anyone with my moderating, or lack of moderating, I apologize. And if you have a problem with it, I'm always going to respond to a message asking me what happened.

And if you feel like you have to tell me you're pissed at me, that's ok too. I sometimes get upset about being moderated myself. And it bugs the hell out of me when I can't at least get an explanation for it and state my own reasoning.

 

[Tenebrae]

Only time will tell if this is the right way to do things. I for one do think we NEED moderation; I'm not one of those who think the forum will manage itself. And I can testify that you're always there for an explanation; it'd otherwise be kind of a jerk move to delete stuff without any communication from your side, and you seem to understand that. Do what you think is right; I've been here 15 years and 9 times put of 10, I think you've done the right thing. Granted, everybody makes mistakes. Yet the fact that you constantly strive to understand the people you disagree with is commendable and quite impressive in its own right; in fact I can almost hear the creaks your brain's cogwheels make while you're trying to make out the correct response in the face of something you disagree with personally yet are trying to comprehend. That's way more than many people on the Internet do.

In one word, I trust you 100% to do the right thing, because you're genuinely open-minded.

 

[LionKing08]

I think you are doing a great job, you let me say what was on mine mind and then you remove my post for a good reason because everything that needed to be said was said. Its is not a easy job, you are not going to make everyone happy all the time. Just be fair as you can for everyone and then nothing else matters. it is a great site i love tickling, keep up the good work.

 

[alwayslaughing]

In one word, I trust you 100% to do the right thing, because you're genuinely open-minded.

Agree. Thanks for what you do. 🙂

 

[robmic]

I've tried to live by the rule "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" . It's not always an easy thing to do and I probably have slipped up occasionally. But, I haven't been censured yet, so I consider myself lucky. As far as the job you mods do behind the scenes here, I support you 100% too. I'm sure it's a thankless job and consumes more of your time than you'd like to admit to. But, that being said, keep up the good work and don't he is afraid to do what you have to. If you didn't, just think where this site would be without you.

 

[Yote]

Jeff, i think you're doing a great job of moderating TMF. Everyone makes a few mistakes, and that's fine. Giving people explanations as to why you removed their posts a simple but very important thing. Having your posts removed and not getting a response when you ask or getting a vague, half-assed answer in return isn't fun.

Obviously, moderating anything's got to be a lot of work. You do a lot of good work for TMF and I have seen that.

 

[Studious_Hustler]

I felt like the reason was obvious.

If it's any comfort, I've always thought that your reasons for deleting conversations have indeed been obvious 🙂

 

[firegod86]

It's never easy maintaining the balance of knowing when to step in or when you overdo it.
I'm a crass, sarcastic sort my self and the screwy bash threads bring me much joy to read through.
But it likely doesn't do much for positivity.
You do your damndest along with the other mods to provide as much freedom as you can.
You've done an outstanding job the 18 years. A miracle in the interweb age.
I say the same. I trust you and your intent. You just do you Jeff.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

I'm not active on here anymore but I've never envied your job as a moderator. You'll never please everyone. But if this will help create a better atmosphere for TMF, awesome.

 

[duderino84]

good luck man. That's all I can say. I always got the vibe this was an angry forum outside the clips/art section, already. And I just attribute it to the topic.

As far as a forum it's been operating more like a network site for other facets of fetish types. If I'm being totally honest. The community has been as productive as it is because I think most of us are kind of aloof in our interests. I'm just waking up and I get we have other topics but it's not really common for things to get filtered more accurately beyond general and tickling forums.

I know I've instigated and been involved in a lot of shit compared to the rest of the community but I hope things get a little more geared into an arrow sign pointed "somewhere". I know I'm kind of a black cloud even when I sort of claimed I just "turned off" my bitter half but I've been trying to change as well.

So cheers to change.

 

[tklee88]

I’ve felt that the tone of the forum has been really nice and optimistic lately. I feel comfortable coming here and posting and have not been getting trolled. Whatever you are doing seems to be positive! Thank you for all you do 🙂.

 

[Lisatheticklee]

Yeah I can definitely say this seems like a good idea. For the longest time I lurked because it all just seemed to be arguments and still is and nipping that kind of negativity in the bud is definitely the key to making the community good. There's only one I know of where the moderation is really lax and everyone gets along naturally until somebody mentions JonTron or Stonetoss and the whole thing turns on its head for the next hour.

 

[duderino84]

Yeah I can definitely say this seems like a good idea. For the longest time I lurked because it all just seemed to be arguments and still is and nipping that kind of negativity in the bud is definitely the key to making the community good. There's only one I know of where the moderation is really lax and everyone gets along naturally until somebody mentions JonTron or Stonetoss and the whole thing turns on its head for the next hour.

Hey it's the tickle life. All that laughing brings the struggle lmao.

 

[desdemona]

I think moderation makes others feel more comfortable sharing what may be an embarrassing or awkward part of themselves with strangers. I always appreciate your actions. Thanks for working so hard to make this community a safe space and putting it as a priority in your busy life.

 

[SmashTV]

I think that if you’re not out to cause trouble then you’ve got nothing to fear from moderators. I, like most on here, just wish to swap stories, discuss aspects of our fetish and, if it comes to it, make friends. Knowing that mods are keeping an eye on things - and giving the opportunity for feedback - is quite refreshing. It’s a thankless task, of course, but if people understand and respect the rules then hopefully this makes the job a bit easier.

Cheers, everybody,
SmashTV

 

[Tkprince]

You do a great job Jeff

 

[TickleYeti]

Gah! Another Critter! Bidet! 😀

 

[TMF Jeff]

Gah! Another Critter! Bidet! 😀

Bidet!

(For the non-critters, on the show Critical Role Travis Willingham played his barbarian character, Grog, very funny with his low intelligence. One time during a formal meeting he misheard "G'Day" as "bidet" and started greeting people that way, and it became a meme in the fan community.)

 

[brotherted]

Thanks for the transparency and self-awareness.

No doubt some moderators on other pages treat their role as some kind of power trip. You can almost vicariously sense their dopamine rush as they erase posts or threads to suit their own personal preferences or score-settling.

Plus, online moderators, like professional sports referees, rarely get cheered. You only tend to notice them when they screw up.

So thanks for what you do.

 

[indivision]

I've been a member of this forum since the mid 2000s. However, my post count probably doesn't reflect that very well. Nevertheless, I must do a good job, because I can't remember ever being moderated. Heck, I rarely get noticed around here as it is.

I have actually popped in and out of this forum since I first joined. I'll post regularly, then I'll disappear. Then I'll come back after a long absence. And the cycle continues.

One thing that makes me want to shy away is the seeming prevalence of debates and arguments. Not saying these things are always bad, but the way they tend to go down on this site is very off-putting to me (and I suspect more than a few other people, too).

 

[RevyBL]

For some reason I can't view the mainstream section.

 

[TMF Jeff]

For some reason I can't view the mainstream section.

It's because you posted the same thing three times after I kept deleting it AND messaged you about not reposting it.

 

[porcelaindoll2]

A huge thank you for all you do. Running a fourm this huge with so many members can't be easy. I kind of stopped posting as much in some sub fourms due to catfishers and trolls. I personally applaud the heavier moderating.

 

[HallKogan]

I’ve really never noticed any problems here, which means you’re doing a great job.

I was a member of another board, and left because of some real scumbag things I saw people post. It just left a bad taste in my mouth and I left.

This place has a clean atmosphere (except for the really adult stuff, which is clearly marked) and I feel that even though we all have our kinks, we have standards.

 

[Mitchell]

Jeff, I appreciated the openness and honesty in this thread.

I've always felt this way.

It's Jeff's site. I can either abide by Jeff's rules that he set.


Or..

Tick him off to the point where I willl push him to ban me. Something I will not do. I value my membership here too much.

I think your thread says that at times you find too much negativity or sniping here, and you don't want that.

I completely agree with you, and understand your point.

Thank You for all you have done for this site over the years.

This truly is an important part of my online life.

My hope is that people who read this thread.. will accept it in the manner in which you intended, and use it as an example of how to make the site more positive.