Dr. Bill Kobb
Level of Cherry Feather
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2003
- Messages
- 10,220
- Points
- 48
Don't know about you, but sometimes, I take a total pot-shot when it comes to movies and/or music, based only on the name of a movie/album. It's definately a hit-or-miss strategy, but when it pays-off, it pays in spades!
Today's drunken exhibit is the astoundingly surreal KALIMAN IN THE SINISTER WORLD OF HUMANON. Kaliman(which apparently translates as The Incredible Man, is a sort of pulp-novel throwback to The Phantom, Capt. Marvel, and possibly alittle Dr. Strange thrown in for good measure. He and his trusty fez-wearing, kid-sidekick, Solin, show up in Rio for a "Congress of Psychology", put on by Prof. Pheraul, with the help of the veil-wearing Shamara. She is the Prof's secretary, but we find out soon enough that her husband, Professor Ramadan(really!) was decrapitated(the head was never found), and a witch is believed responsible.
The credits roll as Kaliman and Solin walk along the beaches in full swami-garb to catchy Brazilian musical selections{the music is credited to a Gustavo Carrion(!). Kaliman realizes the are being followed while sight-seeing. They nevertheless visit the world-reknowned Jesus-statue of Rio, where Kaliman pronounces, "His inheritence, which he gave to all humanity, was to be humble and to love."
Kaliman and Solin arrive back at their apartment, and are met by Shamara(wearing a veil and little else), who hands him some documents. She mentions that, along with her husband, other professors have disappeared. The next morning, Kaliman and Solin stop by the pool, where Shamara is catching some sun and reading CONTROLLED GENETICS, by a Dr. Luvianco, who "elaborated on human evolution", according to Kaliman.
That night, while Kaliman ponders all the missing scientists, he is hypnotized by an Indian who appears outside his tenth-story window(?). Then, the indian dives to his doom, where his head explodes(!!!). Kaliman, still in a trance, arrives downstairs. A fellow steps on a charm-bracelet, and Kaliman is freed from his trance. Arriving back at his hotel room, Kaliman discovers a note telling him that his faithful sidekick Solin is captured by Humanon, god of the universe, and to find him alive, Kaliman will have to show up at the old cemetary(alone) and utilize his miraculous powers to save Solin.
Kaliman never backs down, and arrives at the cemetary and begins a sort of weird magnetic-trance thing to locate Solin, who is buried alive in a mausoleum next to a corpse.
As Kaliman goes about locating Solin, a pair of near-do-wells show-up to do their thing. Kaliman frees Solin and proceeds to kick serious bad-guy ass in some awfully stilted fight-scenes. They run and get fresh guns, and a lame game of cat-and-mouse ensues. Kaliman fakes out one bad guy and leaps on him, but meanwhile, Solin is himself being snuck-up upon! He is saved by afigure in a skeleton-suit, who clubs the bad guy.
Kaliman brings the one baddie back to Prof. Pheraul's villa for interrogation. The guy that got away comes back with a trunkload of zombies(Ha!). He proceeds to sneak-up on the estate while Kaliman does a mind-meld number on the other baddy(who's got a beard and a Greek fisherman's cap, I'll let you fill-in the gaps there). Kaliman reads the mute bad-fisherman-guy's mind for info, but then the other guy uses a ray-gun to disrupt things. Kaliman confronts the guy outside by the pool, and the fellow explains that his name is Cabelado, and that he is a "zombie-tronic", and cannot be hypnotized by Kaliman. Then, he points the ray-gun at Kaliman, who fights the power of the brain-waves with all his might. Meanwhile, a servant happens upon Cabelado's car and opens the trunk, releasing the zombies, which leads to a total free-for-all between Kaliman and the assorted baddies. Alas, kaliman is clocked upside the head by supposed colleage, Prof. Pheraul.
Cut to everybody on a trek through the jungle, while insanely laud jungle noises abound all around.
Cut again to a kooky little bearded man known as Sergeant Perfecto abusing bamboo-cages-full of zombie-tronics. Then, the Sergeant arrives at a strange jungle shrine, where a hooded figure with a cool nuclear-fussion symbol on his black cape awaits. Turns out that this is Humanon, and I would kill for this costume next Halloween.
But anyway, we cut to Humanon and Miss Alva(a teeny-tiny dwarf-woman who is virtually unexplained in the movie) in their underground control-room of computers and funny sci-fi widget and gadget pops and beeps and whirring noises. They are keeping the missing Professors in a state of suspended animation and also have Prof. Pheraul's daughter hostage.
While this is going on, Kaliman and Solin manage to escape their captors during the trek to the jungle enclave. Showing up without Kaliman, bad-guy Cabeledo gets whipped by the Sergeant. Humanon leads Prof. Pheraul and Shamara around his little hideaway, explaining his cock-a-mamie plot to mutate the scientists and mutilate Juarina, Prof. Peraul's daughter. Then, Samara begs Humanon to see her lost husband, and the cruel S.O.B. shows her the disembodied head he keeps alive via electronic tubes and some liquid. Shamara attempts to stab Humanon, but he stops her and lifts her veil, revealing a horribly disfigured chin.
While all that is going on, Kaliman and Solin are wandering around in the jungle and find a pet monkey(!?!).
The assorted bad guys(Humanon, Sergeant Perfecto, Miss Alva, et al) laugh as they watch Kaliman through a goofy totem remote camera-thing that also sends out pulse-waves that cause Kaliman headaches. Having located Kaliman, Humanon sends out the Sergeant and some "zombie-thons" to attack and capture them. Kaliman leads them away and gets into another stilted martial-arts match with them.
Meanwhile, Solin is captured by The Witch(?), a tribal witchdoctor figure who takes him back to his hut and ties him to a pole and menaces him with a knife, while sharpening it against a skeleton.
The Sergeant reports back to Humanon that they captured the kid, but not Kaliman, and Humanon makes the disembodied scientist's head send Kalimon a message saying they are going to shrink little Solin's head.
So, Kaliman finds the witch's shack and is in the process of freeing his sidekick when he gets a poison dart to the arm.
Cut to Humanon's underground lair, and some "zombie-tronics" lay the bound Kaliman down and leave him. He quickly frees hisself and has a look around the facility, freeing the Juarina and viewing the scientists in suspended animation, not to mention the disembodied heads. But Humanon sneaks up on Kaliman and uses a talisman on him, rendering him helpless.
The bad guys commence to tormenting the bound Kaliman, while explaining that all the "zombie-tronics" have an explosive capsule that can be remotely ignited. Then, in the absolutely weirdest part of an exceptionally weird movie, Humanon explains that he has become a God, having created a creature from base minerals(it's a werewolf-looking cyclops-thing with flame-arms!).
Meanwhile, Solin and Shamara make an escape bid and manage to free the "zombie-tronics" and Cabelado, who has a score to settle with The Sergeant.
While that's all going on above-ground, below-decks, Kaliman unmasks Humanon, who turns out to be Dr. Luviano, the author of CONTROLLED GENETICS. Kaliman throws Humanon into the cage with the freaky beast, the dying Sergeant enters and kills the mineral-beast(which proceeds to likewise finish HIM off, too), and tiny midget mystery woman Miss Alva does a vanish-into-thin-air-act.
Amidst explosions galore, kaliman frees all the scientists and everybody heads back through the jungle to civilization.
The End(`cept for a coupla things I didn't tell you), and what a delightful ride it was. I love it when a dicey movie gambit like that pays off!
Favorite Lines:
"I don't kill, I only help"--Humanon
"You're a disgrace to humanity, Humanon!"--Kaliman
Today's drunken exhibit is the astoundingly surreal KALIMAN IN THE SINISTER WORLD OF HUMANON. Kaliman(which apparently translates as The Incredible Man, is a sort of pulp-novel throwback to The Phantom, Capt. Marvel, and possibly alittle Dr. Strange thrown in for good measure. He and his trusty fez-wearing, kid-sidekick, Solin, show up in Rio for a "Congress of Psychology", put on by Prof. Pheraul, with the help of the veil-wearing Shamara. She is the Prof's secretary, but we find out soon enough that her husband, Professor Ramadan(really!) was decrapitated(the head was never found), and a witch is believed responsible.
The credits roll as Kaliman and Solin walk along the beaches in full swami-garb to catchy Brazilian musical selections{the music is credited to a Gustavo Carrion(!). Kaliman realizes the are being followed while sight-seeing. They nevertheless visit the world-reknowned Jesus-statue of Rio, where Kaliman pronounces, "His inheritence, which he gave to all humanity, was to be humble and to love."
Kaliman and Solin arrive back at their apartment, and are met by Shamara(wearing a veil and little else), who hands him some documents. She mentions that, along with her husband, other professors have disappeared. The next morning, Kaliman and Solin stop by the pool, where Shamara is catching some sun and reading CONTROLLED GENETICS, by a Dr. Luvianco, who "elaborated on human evolution", according to Kaliman.
That night, while Kaliman ponders all the missing scientists, he is hypnotized by an Indian who appears outside his tenth-story window(?). Then, the indian dives to his doom, where his head explodes(!!!). Kaliman, still in a trance, arrives downstairs. A fellow steps on a charm-bracelet, and Kaliman is freed from his trance. Arriving back at his hotel room, Kaliman discovers a note telling him that his faithful sidekick Solin is captured by Humanon, god of the universe, and to find him alive, Kaliman will have to show up at the old cemetary(alone) and utilize his miraculous powers to save Solin.
Kaliman never backs down, and arrives at the cemetary and begins a sort of weird magnetic-trance thing to locate Solin, who is buried alive in a mausoleum next to a corpse.
As Kaliman goes about locating Solin, a pair of near-do-wells show-up to do their thing. Kaliman frees Solin and proceeds to kick serious bad-guy ass in some awfully stilted fight-scenes. They run and get fresh guns, and a lame game of cat-and-mouse ensues. Kaliman fakes out one bad guy and leaps on him, but meanwhile, Solin is himself being snuck-up upon! He is saved by afigure in a skeleton-suit, who clubs the bad guy.
Kaliman brings the one baddie back to Prof. Pheraul's villa for interrogation. The guy that got away comes back with a trunkload of zombies(Ha!). He proceeds to sneak-up on the estate while Kaliman does a mind-meld number on the other baddy(who's got a beard and a Greek fisherman's cap, I'll let you fill-in the gaps there). Kaliman reads the mute bad-fisherman-guy's mind for info, but then the other guy uses a ray-gun to disrupt things. Kaliman confronts the guy outside by the pool, and the fellow explains that his name is Cabelado, and that he is a "zombie-tronic", and cannot be hypnotized by Kaliman. Then, he points the ray-gun at Kaliman, who fights the power of the brain-waves with all his might. Meanwhile, a servant happens upon Cabelado's car and opens the trunk, releasing the zombies, which leads to a total free-for-all between Kaliman and the assorted baddies. Alas, kaliman is clocked upside the head by supposed colleage, Prof. Pheraul.
Cut to everybody on a trek through the jungle, while insanely laud jungle noises abound all around.
Cut again to a kooky little bearded man known as Sergeant Perfecto abusing bamboo-cages-full of zombie-tronics. Then, the Sergeant arrives at a strange jungle shrine, where a hooded figure with a cool nuclear-fussion symbol on his black cape awaits. Turns out that this is Humanon, and I would kill for this costume next Halloween.
But anyway, we cut to Humanon and Miss Alva(a teeny-tiny dwarf-woman who is virtually unexplained in the movie) in their underground control-room of computers and funny sci-fi widget and gadget pops and beeps and whirring noises. They are keeping the missing Professors in a state of suspended animation and also have Prof. Pheraul's daughter hostage.
While this is going on, Kaliman and Solin manage to escape their captors during the trek to the jungle enclave. Showing up without Kaliman, bad-guy Cabeledo gets whipped by the Sergeant. Humanon leads Prof. Pheraul and Shamara around his little hideaway, explaining his cock-a-mamie plot to mutate the scientists and mutilate Juarina, Prof. Peraul's daughter. Then, Samara begs Humanon to see her lost husband, and the cruel S.O.B. shows her the disembodied head he keeps alive via electronic tubes and some liquid. Shamara attempts to stab Humanon, but he stops her and lifts her veil, revealing a horribly disfigured chin.
While all that is going on, Kaliman and Solin are wandering around in the jungle and find a pet monkey(!?!).
The assorted bad guys(Humanon, Sergeant Perfecto, Miss Alva, et al) laugh as they watch Kaliman through a goofy totem remote camera-thing that also sends out pulse-waves that cause Kaliman headaches. Having located Kaliman, Humanon sends out the Sergeant and some "zombie-thons" to attack and capture them. Kaliman leads them away and gets into another stilted martial-arts match with them.
Meanwhile, Solin is captured by The Witch(?), a tribal witchdoctor figure who takes him back to his hut and ties him to a pole and menaces him with a knife, while sharpening it against a skeleton.
The Sergeant reports back to Humanon that they captured the kid, but not Kaliman, and Humanon makes the disembodied scientist's head send Kalimon a message saying they are going to shrink little Solin's head.
So, Kaliman finds the witch's shack and is in the process of freeing his sidekick when he gets a poison dart to the arm.
Cut to Humanon's underground lair, and some "zombie-tronics" lay the bound Kaliman down and leave him. He quickly frees hisself and has a look around the facility, freeing the Juarina and viewing the scientists in suspended animation, not to mention the disembodied heads. But Humanon sneaks up on Kaliman and uses a talisman on him, rendering him helpless.
The bad guys commence to tormenting the bound Kaliman, while explaining that all the "zombie-tronics" have an explosive capsule that can be remotely ignited. Then, in the absolutely weirdest part of an exceptionally weird movie, Humanon explains that he has become a God, having created a creature from base minerals(it's a werewolf-looking cyclops-thing with flame-arms!).
Meanwhile, Solin and Shamara make an escape bid and manage to free the "zombie-tronics" and Cabelado, who has a score to settle with The Sergeant.
While that's all going on above-ground, below-decks, Kaliman unmasks Humanon, who turns out to be Dr. Luviano, the author of CONTROLLED GENETICS. Kaliman throws Humanon into the cage with the freaky beast, the dying Sergeant enters and kills the mineral-beast(which proceeds to likewise finish HIM off, too), and tiny midget mystery woman Miss Alva does a vanish-into-thin-air-act.
Amidst explosions galore, kaliman frees all the scientists and everybody heads back through the jungle to civilization.
The End(`cept for a coupla things I didn't tell you), and what a delightful ride it was. I love it when a dicey movie gambit like that pays off!
Favorite Lines:
"I don't kill, I only help"--Humanon
"You're a disgrace to humanity, Humanon!"--Kaliman
