Laughless marriage

[likeasong1]

Hey, I just wanted to put this question out to all the tickle-folks here who are married, especially those whose spouses are not into tickling.

Basically, how do you deal with it? Is your spouse willing to compromise and indulge you every once in awhile, or have they slammed the door on that possibility entirely?

This kind of tides over from the discussion I was having on the "Would you give it up?" poll. I would hope that I wouldn't have to give it up, but I'm worried I might.

Just want to get some feedback from you guys who've been there or may be there now.

 

[PurpleStyle]

If I had to speculate, I'd say they deal with it by cheating.

 

[Wade1]

Well, the good thing about tickling is that it isn't like being turned on by peeing on someone, or stepping on kittens, or wearing a Santa outfit--it is, in my experience, a part of the human experience that nearly everyone engages in to some degree. It's also a playful part of human sexuality that emerges naturally.

Yes, it's also torturous, and many people have a strong phobic aversion to tickling. So if that's your partner's situation, it'll be a problem. And if you require your tickling to be part of a larger assembly of accessories and bells and whistles like formal bondage and role-playing or extensive boundary-pushing torture, that's going to require your partner being explicitly on the same page as you.

But if you just like the experience of tickling--its playfulness, its power dynamics--to be a part of your sexual experience, you're likely to find vanilla people who are more than willing to engage, often without even being asked.

Is there something attractive about the idea of being partnered with a bright, assertive, appealing woman like, say, MistressValerie or PurpleStyle, who you know would actively want to incorporate tickling into your shared intimate life? Of course there is.

But as a ticklish male, I have yet to date a woman whose discovery of my ticklishness did not bring out her inner sadist to some degree, and my wife is no exception. She doesn't have a fetish for tickling, and we've never discussed it, but faced with my ticklishness she has proven--quite naturally and in spite of my pleas to the contrary--to be a relentless and frequent tickler.

(Indeed, my kink is complicated by the fact that ideally I sort of prefer it if the tickling is not part of a pre-agreed routine, if the woman is subjecting me to it precisely because I don't want her to--which takes some [though I'm sure not all] of the pleasure out of role-playing and preplanned scenarios, and which also makes me extraordinarily grateful that women as a group seem uncommonly inclined to tickle guys whenever the opportunity arises.)

As quirks go, this is actually a pretty lucky one to have.

 

[Journia]

Well, being married as I am, I just walk by a hot babe, and as I'm passing by, I just give her ass a quick tickle.

 

[PurpleStyle]

Well, the good thing about tickling is that it isn't like being turned on by peeing on someone, or stepping on kittens, or wearing a Santa outfit--it is, in my experience, a part of the human experience that nearly everyone engages in to some degree. It's also a playful part of human sexuality that emerges naturally.

Yes, it's also torturous, and many people have a strong phobic aversion to tickling. So if that's your partner's situation, it'll be a problem. And if you require your tickling to be part of a larger assembly of accessories and bells and whistles like formal bondage and role-playing or extensive boundary-pushing torture, that's going to require your partner being explicitly on the same page as you.

But if you just like the experience of tickling--its playfulness, its power dynamics--to be a part of your sexual experience, you're likely to find vanilla people who are more than willing to engage, often without even being asked.

Is there something attractive about the idea of being partnered with a bright, assertive, appealing woman like, say, MistressValerie or PurpleStyle, who you know would actively want to incorporate tickling into your shared intimate life? Of course there is.

But as a ticklish male, I have yet to date a woman whose discovery of my ticklishness did not bring out her inner sadist to some degree, and my wife is no exception. She doesn't have a fetish for tickling, and we've never discussed it, but faced with my ticklishness she has proven--quite naturally and in spite of my pleas to the contrary--to be a relentless and frequent tickler.

(Indeed, my kink is complicated by the fact that ideally I sort of prefer it if the tickling is not part of a pre-agreed routine, if the woman is subjecting me to it precisely because I don't want her to--which takes some [though I'm sure not all] of the pleasure out of role-playing and preplanned scenarios, and which also makes me extraordinarily grateful that women as a group seem uncommonly inclined to tickle guys whenever the opportunity arises.)

As quirks go, this is actually a pretty lucky one to have.

I've emboldened all of the parts of your post that I find problematic. You say it isn't like being turned on, but then it's part of human sexuality? Dare I even say, a kink? Sounds almost like an excuse, but to justify what? I'm not sure. 😉

Forgive me if I misinterpret you, but how is it that you can discuss "part of human sexuality/kinks" with random people on the internet but not your wife? I can't imagine going through life knowing that my partner has no idea how to make me happy. I don't think such a relationship would work. I have noticed people on this forum who are painfully unhappy with their marriage because of that very situation. I'd like to think somebody who can actually talk intelligibly such as yourself wouldn't fall into this unfortunate category.

 

[Journia]

Nobody but purplestyle!

 

[likeasong1]

Besides which, I think wearing a Santa suit is more socially acceptable than tickling, as it's a form of role-playing involving costumes.

 

[Wade1]

Thanks for your response. No, I totally get that some of what I said was unclear or confusing. In response:

You say it isn't like being turned on, but then it's part of human sexuality?

No, it's precisely like being turned on. It is being turned on. It isn't like being turned on by dressing up like giant hamsters, or pooping on someone's face, insofar as those behaviors don't typically arise naturally in human interaction; they aren't generally going to happen unless you discuss them first, and purchase the costumes, and dry-cleaning is involved, etc.

Tickling does arise, often relentlessly, naturally in every intimate relationship (in my experience), and in many platonic ones.

I can't imagine going through life knowing that my partner has no idea how to make me happy.

I totally hear you. The good news for me is that my partner does make me happy; I can't imagine that she would tickle me any more than she already does if I discussed it with her (or at least I don't require that she tickle me any more than she already does), and indeed it's a perverse, perhaps unfortunate, by-product of my particular brainal wiring that I would enjoy it a little less if she were doing it because I wanted her to rather than doing what she does now, which is doing it because she wants to (and a little bit because I don't want her to). (Maybe I'm wrong, but I anticipate that I'd enjoy it a little less.)

Of course part of the tickling package is the whole paradoxical want/don't want can't-stand-it-but-I'm-laughing thing, so some version of that tension is present in all tickling encounters. But perhaps more so than usual in mine.

I can envision a day when we have a conversation where I say "Y'know how you used to tickle the crap outta me all the time? I think I kinda liked that; I'd like it if we kept doing that," but I don't think that will be awkward or problematic.

 

[stroker]

My own experience with my former spouse was that the door was shut but not slammed, and I wonder what might have been if I had persisted.Unfortunately my own hang up on being regarded as a pervert by my wife meant that I didnt push it and it is something I now regret, especially as many articles ive read on fetishism suggest that the more relaxed you are about your kink the more its likely to be accepted.
A lot depends on just how open you and your partner are about all this, if you can talk about it without it freaking her out then do so ,but do it occasionly and subtly without making a big deal of it ,she has to know that she is more important than your fetish .
With some gentle suggestion you never know, maybe curiosity will get the better of her.

 

[melanie2]

How do i deal with it? I've lived my entire life without being tickled much..except for those rare tickle sessions i had a few years back..all of which my husband is aware..i wouldn't give up my husband for all the tickle dates in the world..thirty two years married..tickling is not my everything in life. I guess i'm lucky that way..oo and for the record..our marriage is far from laughless..we laugh each and every day.

 

[likeasong1]

Thanks izzy, I actually had you in mind when I wrote this, since I was familiar with your situation. I don't think it's something that is the end all be all, but I just want to be able to fulfill that fantasy to its fullest end just once.