Lees, lers, switches, all that crap...

[Excess]

Warning, tl;dr rant upcoming. Want short version, skip to bottom.

As I've been here for some time now, this is something that has come up once in a while. The subject of preference, why we have different ones, and, in the case of lers and lees, why we go for the other side.

Now I dunno about all of you, but on more than one occasion I've had someone question how I can just be a ler. This leads into different questions like "If you don't lee, how can you know how to be a good ler?" and "If you just ler, then isn't that unfair since all you're doing is taking?", and such comments as "I don't understand how you can like tickling if you don't lee too" and "You should give back sometimes". I'll gladly explain why, but really, why would I need to lee to be a good ler? Why would it be unfair?

Giving and taking. What does this even mean? To say that being a ler is just 'taking' and being a lee is just 'giving' is rather incorrect I'd say. If you're tickling someone who enjoys it, what are you taking from them exactly? Aren't you giving them what they enjoy? The way I see it, it's mutual. So I don't follow why someone needs to 'give back' by being a lee themselves.

I've also been witness to numerous attempts at 'turning' someone. A girl states that she's just a ler/lee, and that's that, yet some guy comes along trying to convince her to go against her preference. Now there's nothing wrong with trying something new, but if someone doesn't want to do something, why continue to try and persuade them? It's not like there's a vast shortage of people from either side, and it more often than not simply comes across as selfish in my opinion.

A preference for tickling is the same as apples and oranges. Some might only eat apples. Some oranges. Some both. What does it really matter what someone's eating? In the end, it's still just food, which all serves the same function. To satisfy us. Two roads leading to the same destination.

So I guess what I'm saying overall is that it's fine to be willing to help someone experiment, but you should also be respectful of their differences. We're all unique and should be treated as such. It's our differences that make us part of a whole. This goes for all aspects of life. So next time you see that hot new girl here and are disappointed to find out she's not a lee, let her be her and look elsewhere if you want something else.🙂

 

[LD_Tickler]

Yeah, I agree with pretty much all of that.

 

[TMF Jeff]

I've been down that road a few times, people ask if I'm not at least curious what it's like. And all I can say is that, like many, many things in the world, kinky, sexual, or just hobbies, the idea of bottoming in a scene just isn't interesting to me.

In the same way that I know I wouldn't feel rewarded by opening my mind and trying gay sex even though plenty of people enjoy it, I know I wouldn't feel rewarded by being the bottom in a power exchange.

 

[4Pawz]

Well said Excess 🙂

Personally, I'm a lee. I don't exactly enjoy being a Ler, though I would be willing to try it if that is what my man wants. But I'm just fine being a lee and i get plenty from it. I have no desire to be a ler, nor do I feel the need to be pressured 😉 Excellent rant good sir!

 

[Artoo]

Good post, Ex 🙂

I can never understand why people get confused by people who just lee or ler; I'm a switch, but not because anyone convinced me I should, nor because I wanted to be "open minded" - I genuinely enjoy tickling and being tickled, and would consider both my "preference".

We all have preferences. Someone prefers to only lee or ler? That's fine by me, I'm not gonna try and convince them otherwise.

 

[Capnmad]

Some answers.

"If you don't lee, how can you know how to be a good ler?"

Empathy, observation, intuition, communication.

"If you just ler, then isn't that unfair since all you're doing is taking?"

Au contraire. I'm giving of my abilities. Why are you 'lees just lying there and taking it? All you need do is break out of the bondage or otherwise overpower me and give back. If you really cared about me, you would. You all are sooo greedy. 😉

"I don't understand how you can like tickling if you don't lee too"

Pleasure requires no understanding, but only a desire to experience it.

"You should give back sometimes"

I give and I give, and this is the thanks I get? 😛



Everyone's got their own thing, people. If it matches up with what you want, great! If not, keep hunting. Don't try to badger someone into being what they're not.

 

[kis123]

Sometimes it's preference, and sometimes experience that dictates what we like and dislike. I used to ler only because I didn't want anyone to touch me and I didn't want to be without control. I've mentioned several times that tickling was used in a negative way to gain control in my marriage. I was really burnt out with it and vowed never to let anyone touch me like that again. Even with a few years to heal and recover and a special person to touch me and feel good again, I still struggled.

I went to TX a few years ago only to observe and ler a bit; I ended up being the lee (after my curiosity was ignited by a raven-haired member from the Houston area). I ended up having a really good time but still felt it wasn't for me. My last two relationships were with men who were somewhat ticklish so I'd get a few in, but my ticklishness just fascinated them and I've been the lee more than I ever thought I'd want to be.

But I'd NEVER push a person to do anything they wouldn't want to do, especially in the sensual/sexual realm. Relationship killer to me.

 

[chicago]

I've been asked why I don't 'ler a few times, but it's probably not to the extent that ler's get asked why they don't 'lee.

Tickling other people in general freaks me out. I still haven't figured out why, but it does. And until that changes, if it changes, I will just be a 'lee. And that's that.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Yeah, I agree with pretty much all of that.

Signed.

 

[♡AimLEE♡]

In my opinion I would want the person to be just a ler! I don't think that they are just taking ... I mean obviously they are getting enjoyment out of it and I am too! If I could have it my way .. I would WANT to be the only one being tickled!

But I get what you're saying about people not understanding. Maybe they just never will!

 

[Coda]

I avoid references to "lees" and "lers" because I think using them has the potential to mislead the unwary to believe that they irrevocably "are" one of the two, rather than merely using the term as a description of which role happens to be their favourite.

(I think the same may apply to the terms "homosexual" and "heterosexual." In either case, I doubt the reality of most people's orientations is black-and-white.)

 

[Strider]

This leads into different questions like "If you don't lee, how can you know how to be a good ler?"

I'm not totally old guard on this, but in my own experience, it was important that I switched when I was first starting out in the lifestyle.

I had a few motivations for that. I thought it was important to understand what things felt like, and how they affected the body. And on another level, I wanted to understand what my own limits were. The point is, I stopped switching because I got what I needed out of it. Some never get to that point, and some just aren't going to get anything out of it. But, my honest opinion is that tops can sometimes be better at what they do if they've switched before.

 

[Excess]

Thanks for the insight everyone. I can only hope some people who would often be unsatisfied with someone's preference enough to try and change it would see this and possibly give some thought to how they go about interacting with others.

I'm not totally old guard on this, but in my own experience, it was important that I switched when I was first starting out in the lifestyle.

I had a few motivations for that. I thought it was important to understand what things felt like, and how they affected the body. And on another level, I wanted to understand what my own limits were. The point is, I stopped switching because I got what I needed out of it. Some never get to that point, and some just aren't going to get anything out of it. But, my honest opinion is that tops can sometimes be better at what they do if they've switched before.

You raise a good point, and I can see how that might work for some. However, depending on where you were going here, I don't find it necessary because even if I know more about my own reactions or feelings, everyone is different. It may help in some cases with understanding the lee's feelings more, but in other cases it could lead you to underestimating or overestimating their reactions and feelings to the situation based on how you might think. I'm just hypothesizing of course, and whatever works for you is fine for you.

And hey, no two circumstances are the same, so it's just another one of life's gambles in the end anyway.

 

[Musicroxmysox]

I agree with you about this issue. People choose to do what they want to. If they ever feel comfortable perhaps they will venture outside of that....but one should not have to sit here and habitually defend their feelings towards things.

This rant is approved. 🙂