Lers - ever feel like you're losing your edge?

[Avenger314]

Hey all,

I am starting to wonder if I'm losing my ler abilities and it's a very unpleasant sensation indeed. Basically, hysterical laughter is replaced by giggling, giggling by... nothing, and more often I get told "ouch that hurts" rather than laughter.

It's a miserable, draining, scary feeling. Probably right down there with what other, more 'mainstream' male problems would most likely feel like. Most of this is with my girlfriend; I haven't quite had the chance to attack many others lately. Not sure if it's my technique, or her sensitivity changing, or if it's with everyone.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of problem with losing the ability to induce laughter? I'm hoping there's an easy fix or something, or... ANY fix.
NEST is coming and if all I hear is "ouch, ouch", I'll be upset with myself.

Jim

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

Hmmm... Perhaps we need to give you more opportunities to tickle and reclaim/perfect your technique? Or, perhaps you need to be on the receiving end more and see what various kinds of touch work...or don't work? Either one could certainly be arranged. 😀

 

[RosieCreek]

This seems very puzzling. Are you tickling her all over and finding where she was previously ticklish, now she's claiming it hurts everywhere or have you been concentrating on a specific body part all along? As soon as you start tickling does she say "ouch, ouch without even a single giggle first? I've been a ler with my husband for several years and can still elicit the same hysterical laughter as always. It sounds like a drastic change, though. Is there any chance that she may have been exaggerating her responses in the past to make you happy? Does she know what a miserable feeling this is for you, and has she offered any insight?

Good luck!
Rosie

 

[Sandisk444]

i always worry about that if i haven't gotten the chance to tickle someone for a while... i dunno maybe she is used to your tickling methods and you just need to change it up

 

[P[a]pi]

All I can think of is that you're trying to hard. Don't try to get a certain type of reaction. Just clear your mind and just do whatever you want to do without planning it out. Just get her tied up, then go. No planning your attack in advance. Also, start slow and gradually increase the intensity of the session.

 

[dad2]

For most people being ticklish is all about uncertainty and nervous expectation. She's probably gotten used to your style of tickling. Over time her trust in you has grown. Her body is therefore more receptive to your touch. She feels less threatened.

You'll either have to find a way to shake her out of her complacency, or start fresh with somebody new.

 

[KittenToes]

A lee's POV

Well, there are a few options. First- a couple questions.

For how long has this been happening?

Did it happen gradually, or was it a sudden change in response?

Are you getting along well otherwise?

Has she changed physically in any way lately- i.e. built lots of muscle, lost weight, been unwell, pregnant, etc?

1. If it was gradual, and everything else is great, she may indeed have just gotten comfortable, and you need to change your style a bit. How often do you do tickle play, and do you always do it the same way? Do you plan it in advance? Do you always do it in the same location in your house? With/without bondage?

See- if I recall correctly- and I may be wrong- it was you that introduced her to tickling. Therefore, her kink for it may not be as prevalent as yours. She may have other quirks she'd like to explore, as well. So if you tickle her every time you get frisky, she might just get desensitized to it. It might be best not to tickle her at every opportunity- maybe just one out of 3 times.

2. If it was a sudden change, she might be upset with you, holding a grudge about something, or there might be something going on that even she isn't entirely aware of, and not responding to tickling may be how it is manifesting itself. It's good sometimes to just talk about things and really listen- sometimes it takes a while of rambling before the root of a problem can be discovered.

3. The "ouch" reaction- this is why I asked if there had been any physical changes such as weight loss. Generally, if there's less padding, especially in the ribcage area, hard tickling is actually painful. Especially if it was more padded previously!

4. As I think you know, as far as lee-ing goes, I'm "mono-ticklous". I'm VERY ticklish. But if someone I'm not comfortable with- i.e. anyone but Libertine- tries to tickle me, my body puts up a defensive mechanism- it just feels like annoying scratching, or pain. I'll twitch, but not laugh. My body won't give up control if it isn't comfortable with the person.

This shouldn't be a problem for your gf- which is why I asked if everything else- sex life, etc, was ok with you. Because if she's no longer comfortable and relaxed with you, she won't be able to respond.

5. If it hasn't been going on too long, I wouldn't worry too much. Response is a funny thing. Sometimes one place is terribly ticklish- sometimes it won't be. At certain times one spot will get hysterical laughter out of me, at other times just giggles, at other times gasps, and sometimes just plain arousal. It varies. It doesn't have to be constant laughter to be fun.

6. Be careful about playing a lot with other people to be sure your "skills" are still there. She knows how big a deal tickling is for you- if you do that, she'll automatically think that something is wrong with her. Girls always jump to that conclusion. Trust me- we do. It sucks, but it's a fact.

I put this in the thread so people could read and comment, but if you want to chat about it in PM, feel free.

 

[50greg]

Hmmm... Perhaps we need to give you more opportunities to tickle and reclaim/perfect your technique? Or, perhaps you need to be on the receiving end more and see what various kinds of touch work...or don't work? Either one could certainly be arranged. 😀

I never got such offers from you, Ann.

 

[TangerineTicklee]

Hmmm.

Have you considered/tried blindfolding? It might work.

 

[Avenger314]

Greetings all,

I appreciate everyone's responses. I have good news. I mixed up my techniques and paid a bit more attention to my girlfriend's feedback. The results were... excellent. The main thing was that I needed to use a softer, slower touch. once I did that, it stopped hurting and started tickling. Part of it is also body location: I'm a foot guy, so I focused on her feet. This caused them to be de-sensitized a bit. I forced myself to spread the attention around and this helped keep the ticklishness up.

So the big things are softer and more variation.

Thanks for your advice, everyone... I followed it and things are improving. I appreciate it, for it is bringing the good times crashing back in 😀.

 

[TangerineTicklee]

Greetings all,

I appreciate everyone's responses. I have good news. I mixed up my techniques and paid a bit more attention to my girlfriend's feedback. The results were... excellent. The main thing was that I needed to use a softer, slower touch. once I did that, it stopped hurting and started tickling. Part of it is also body location: I'm a foot guy, so I focused on her feet. This caused them to be de-sensitized a bit. I forced myself to spread the attention around and this helped keep the ticklishness up.

So the big things are softer and more variation.

Thanks for your advice, everyone... I followed it and things are improving. I appreciate it, for it is bringing the good times crashing back in 😀.

That's great! Glad to here this! I'm very happy for you! 🙂