Let Me Tell You A Story

[Nevordan1]

No one cares, but it's cathartic to type it all out anyway. I've told this story somewhere else but I can't even remember where, and no one listened there, either. It's your choice, really. You never know when the really bad shit will come for you, even if most of you have it pretty good. I wouldn't have a clue what that's like. This is just one of many things, but it is one of the worst recent, and it will haunt me till the day I die.

My girlfriend broke her leg and so I moved in to take care of her. I'll be honest with you, I met her in a forum like this one, and it was my first time meeting her. I didn't think I ever really would because she was reluctant to do so, but I guess a broken leg is a broken leg, and no one else was going to do it, so the next step had to be taken. Her sister lived there but was hardly around, and was pretty aloof. I thought she thought that she was too good to be friends with me, or even talk to me, but it was something else. She had a past she wasn't too proud of. All of us probably have something like that, right? She was once a heroin addict. I don't think I have to tell you how bad heroin is, but if you don't think it's a big deal you'd be wrong. Just go watch Requiem For A Dream. It's true. And this turned out to be the reason for my girlfriend's reluctance. Anyway, this was all told to me by my girlfriend as her sister would never talk about it. And she did open up to me over time, and we talked more and more, but she was still pretty closed. She had a group of her own that she would go out with every single day. She would come home in the AM and crash, wake up, then go out with them again. Always on the move, as it were.

So time moves on and I end up staying there for a few years, somehow. Deep down I keep getting these urges to run the hell out of there because my girlfriend is even mentally worse off than I am, and that, my friend, is a very bad thing. But I also love her, and I get the message shrouded in mystery that she will end her life if I ever leave. What can a person who has a heart do? So I stay. And things get worse and worse. Her sister has a boyfriend who knocks her up, but not even 4 months into the pregnancy she has a premature birth. The baby dies in her arms, and she ends up with postpartum depression. I can hear her crying practically all day long for weeks on end. Then her asshole boyfriend beats her up and he's thrown out of the house. So more months pass and believe it or not, the same scumbag is back and she is pregnant again. The baby is once again born too early and dies in her arms. He stays the night to "comfort" her and I am woken up in the night by her screams for help as he's beating her. I'm so friggen pissed off I rage down the stairs and ram my fist through his face! Which shocks everyone since I'm usually a quiet, non-violent person. But there's only so much I can take.

Again she has postpartum depression, and is even more miserable than before. But she keeps to herself and cries in her bedroom. This goes on for some time, and she won't have anything to do with us. Eventually she gets a new boyfriend, and here is where things really go down the tubes. We both notice that lately, her eyes are half-closed, and I can't even understand what the hell she's saying. It's like she's half-asleep or something. Drunk? Well, I can understand a drunk person. There is slurring, sure, but I can make it out. Not here. <-- First warning sign. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't curse myself for not realizing the truth.

Did I mention this girl was beautiful? Grey eyes, red hair, she looked like a movie star or something. Ah, anyway... her intoxicated manner continues on and I'm not sure if she's just messing with us or what, but she's still going out all night and coming home in the AM and crashing in her room. Except one day, she leaves her bedroom light on and it's coming through the cracks. I thought maybe she was staying up and talking on her cellphone, or doing whatever. Who knows? I go to bed and I have one of the most emotionally disturbing dreams. You know those dreams where it's not really scary in retrospect, but at the time you're completely frozen in fear? Well, I'm in the basement of some run-down building. I'm assuming it was a hospital. Maybe it was even the morgue. All I remember was hearing these cries of pain or sorrow, moaning, the sort of thing you'd imagine you'd hear in hell itself, if there is such a thing. And there's this little girl there with sad eyes looking at me. I don't know who she is, she can't be any older than 9. I take her hand and lead her up the stairs and out into the sunshine, and the cries of those people can no longer be heard; instead there is bright light and the chirping of birds. Then I wake up to go to the bathroom and notice that her bedroom light is still on after all this time. I shrug it off and go to the bathroom, but it hangs on me. Why is her light still on? That never happens. I start to feel a little uneasy and tell my girlfriend she should go and check on her sister, something isn't right. And she goes downstairs and it isn't very long after that she is running up the stairs screaming, "OH MY GOD I THINK SHE'S DEAD!" I grab the phone and dial 911 and run down to see if she's wrong. I wish she was wrong. The girl was face down on the floor in a large puddle of vomit. She still has her shoes and coat on. 911 tells me to turn her over and check to see if her heart is beating. I can't even move the girl because she's so stiff, and she's so cold to touch. When I saw her face I knew it was too late. She was blue. All the crying and screaming that came after was louder than the people in the hospital basement could ever be. And I had to watch as the medics took her out in a body bag. I have never been the same since and I don't think I ever will be.

What am I telling this for, anyway? Well, for starters, I was ignorant. Just plain stupid. I should have seen that coming. I wish I had so I could have stopped it. If you know someone who's talking like they're completely trashed, with their eyes half closed? They're either drunk or abusing prescription medication, which turned out to be the case. Oxycodone, klonopin, ambien, you name it... the same thing that killed Heath Ledger. These pills are popular on the black market. I don't know why. I know it's easier to deaden the pain you may feel, I used to take similar drugs by doctor's orders. I just thought it made me feel worse, and it did. I think it's a shame this happened. I like this girl, I thought she was pretty damn cool, and I'm sorry she couldn't have what she wanted in life, which was to be a mom, even if it meant the father was a violent piece of garbage. I know what I want in life, too, and I know I won't be getting it. I guess that's the way it goes. I'd like to die, too... but when I think about what I saw and the pain it caused, it makes me reconsider. I hope that's not the reason she's dead now. But maybe it will give you something to think about. If not, well, you didn't have to read this, did you.

 

[Fleet]

Ah, that sucks. I have a similar story.

My mother killed herself back in the April of 2008. I believe it was her heart medication that she intentionally overdosed on. I was only 17 at the time.

The reason she did it was because her boyfriend had lied to her. He said they'd get married, live the good life, etc. Well, months after their engagement they both started doing crack. My mother was a recovering addict, and her boyfriend was a simple alcoholic with no experience doing crack at all. But she got him into it. Eventually the crack made him do some crazy, and illegal, things. So he got arrested. He will spend at least the next 3 years in jail. When my mom heard this, she leaned back on her crutch, crack. She had a serious relapse. She spent all her money on drugs and couldn't pay the rent or the bills. This wasn't the first time in her life that she had been in this position, but you can only endure such a position so many times.

So, on a Saturday night, she killed herself. I found her on a Sunday afternoon. She was still breathing, but she was like the girl in Nevordan's story. She was incoherent, and didn't open her eyes. I watched my own mom take her last breaths. If only I had known more about the effects of taking too many pills, then I would have realized what was going on. I would have realized she was going to die.

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

I don't know what to tell you, as I've been rollercoastering between emotional peaks and valleys of late myself. I will say that was beautifully written, though terribly painful and sad. Hang tough. The world could certainly do with fewer people like that "boyfriend" in the tale, but we need to keep all the Nevordans around that we can. Dig?

 

[Nevordan1]

I appreciate it. Things can get bad, or downright horrific. But seeing death up close and in person can keep you from going all the way. At least that's what I'm trying to take from it, and I'm pretty sure Fleet gets it. If you see someone acting strange, if you know they have a drug problem, don't let them sleep alone. It may be their last night on earth.

 

[Fleet]

I don't know what to tell you, as I've been rollercoastering between emotional peaks and valleys of late myself. I will say that was beautifully written, though terribly painful and sad. Hang tough. The world could certainly do with fewer people like that "boyfriend" in the tale, but we need to keep all the Nevordans around that we can. Dig?

Indeed. I wish we knew more about him so we could try our best to help him, even if it will seem futile.

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Indeed. I wish we knew more about him so we could try our best to help him, even if it will seem futile.

For what it's worth, your story had to have been equally hard to live through, and I would have included you in my reply, but you managed to sneak yours in just seconds prior to my post!

May their souls rest in the peace they never found here on this mortal coil.

 

[CrazyLikeAFox]

Nothing will wake you up like the smell of your own blood, just don't go making a habit out of it.

 

[melanie2]

I appreciate it. Things can get bad, or downright horrific. But seeing death up close and in person can keep you from going all the way. At least that's what I'm trying to take from it, and I'm pretty sure Fleet gets it. If you see someone acting strange, if you know they have a drug problem, don't let them sleep alone. It may be their last night on earth.

keep saying that over and over to yourself...seeing death up close is not a pretty sight..your dream was telling you that she is happy now..and that she knew you wanted to help...she had a dreadful life..i cannot imagine losing that many babies especially in the tragic and horrific way she did lose them...that man should be behind bars..my mother killed herself in a way back in 2004...she starved to death..she had a mental illness..and for the longest time after..i blamed myself thinking i should have been able to get her to eat..but the reality is i couldn't have...

never think suicide is the way out though..trust me on this..hang in there..

 

[Nevordan1]

I blamed myself for not going to her, not talking to her enough, even if she had distanced herself from us. I never saw her much and we exchanged small talk. Before I came there, there was already tension from where the sister had stolen money to get her heroin fix. Somewhere around the total of $20,000, my girlfriend's life savings, I guess. So they did not speak very much in the first place unless it was a shouting match, some of the worst things I've ever heard a sibling say to another sibling. So she blamed herself, too. I cried every day for weeks... the reason was because she had a lot of coats she wore, I guess she had a lot of clothes. And they were just everywhere. You couldn't walk outside the room without seeing some reminder of her, and smelling her because she worse a very unique perfume. And going into her bedroom, well... not something any of us wanted to do. I'm sorry for both of you, Fleet and Isabeau. I did not lose my mother.

 

[The_Crusader]

As insignificant as it may sound, and as cliche as it DOES sound, out of tragedy springs hope, it may not be immediately recognisable, but it is there. It is there, I promise. You just have to look hard sometimes to find it, I am afraid I don't have any such tragic tales myself. I stopped a friend from killing herself once. Sadly I had to break her wrist to get the gun out of her hand but she thanked me for it later. But still, as izzy said she's at peace now. And don't blame yourself. I know its probably difficult not to, but sometimes, people need to allow themselves to be helped and the ones who don't...it isn't for your lack of trying my friend.

 

[eveycoggy]

I think its a lesson I learned from a friend in college. The best thing you can do for a friend whos a junkie is turn them in. They get taken away from their fix and get court rehab.

Forgot tsomething I wanted to say. Never ever claim that nobody cares until you try. It just makes ya feel wores. And theres no reason for it!!