Male Vs. Female At The Atm Machine

[Strider]

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required
Amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents
On to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will
Call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access
To machine due to its excessive distance
From the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary;
With your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate
Wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register
And place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
Holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

 

[milagros317]

LOL 😛
Very amusing. 😀

 

[bellystrokes]

Damn those ATM cameras that caught me doing all those steps---each and every time. hehehe

 

[Bugman]

LMAO.I thought that was you in line ahead of me strokes..

 

[bellystrokes]

LMAO.I thought that was you in line ahead of me strokes..

Yeah yeah, wait your turn. I'll be done within 30 minutes.

 

[Strider]

Damn those ATM cameras that caught me doing all those steps---each and every time. hehehe

Am I gonna get it for this?

 

[isabeau]

hmm funny but i saw a male doing exactly that ahead of me a few weeks ago..i mean the female part...damn Strider...i never figured you for sexist jokes..tsk tsk tsk....hehe

 

[Mastertank1]

Then there's the;

TANK PROCEDURE
1-Drive Tank up to ATM
2-Wrap towing chain around ATM
3-Drive Tank a few yards, pulling ATM out of bank wall
4-Toss ATM into cargo compartment of Tank
5-Take ATM home, open and extract cash at liesure.

It's quick, it's convenient, and you don't have to worry about overdraft fees!

 

[Azrael]

Azrael's Customized ATM Procedures Checklist

1. Walk up to drive-thru ATM after hours.

2. Stick card into the appropriate slot.

3. Intentionally select wrong language from the list provided, hoping that one will be able to puzzle one's way through it and, perhaps, learn an interesting phrase or two while doing so.

-=PAUSE=-

4. Cancel transaction.

5. Remove card.

6. Re-Insert card into the appropriate slot.

7. Select English.

8. Wait for resolution of brain fart to recall correct PIN, which was never written down.

9. Enter correct PIN on first try, regardless of time requirement.

10. Ignore by-now-irate driver who pulled in after you walked up to the ATM an unnoticed amount of time prior to step 6, despite the thing having been vacant for the past 4 or 5 hours since sunset.

11. Notice the presence of braille on drive-up ATM keypad.

12. Dial friend most likely to be awake on cellphone. Begin running commentary on the ridiculousness of having braille on drive-up ATM keypad "or drive-up anything."

13. Wonder aloud at the lack of braille involved in automobiles displays, given that it is present on things which require automobiles to drive up to.

14. Recall that one is actually on foot, oneself... "but it's still MEANT for cars."

15. Ignore high-beams, horn.

16. IMPORTANT - If present, DO NOT IGNORE siren / FLASHING lights.