njjen3953
4th Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2001
- Messages
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A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
REAL MAN BARBECUING
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing. It's the only type of cooking
a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the
following chain of events is put into motion:
1) The woman goes to the store.
2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man,
who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
4) The man places the meat on the grill.
5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women.
NEWLYWEDS
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change.
The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her
beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now,
you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.
"Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "my God you are so beautiful, let me
take your picture!"
Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart
forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the
bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear
a robe? We are married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, OH, OH MY, let
me get a picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED!"
He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
REAL MAN BARBECUING
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing. It's the only type of cooking
a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the
following chain of events is put into motion:
1) The woman goes to the store.
2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man,
who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
4) The man places the meat on the grill.
5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women.
NEWLYWEDS
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change.
The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her
beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now,
you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.
"Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "my God you are so beautiful, let me
take your picture!"
Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart
forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the
bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear
a robe? We are married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, OH, OH MY, let
me get a picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED!"
