Okay, let me start this thread by saying that the mods and chatters of the TMF have been wonderful to me since I've been here, especially this last year with my parents health problems, and especially this week with my pending estrangement from my father. I also want to say that I have no intention of leaving the TMF. (Unless I stupidly screw up and the mods dont want me here anymore, but I always try not to do that, break rules or offend anyone)
Everyone on here knows of my business and personal problems this year. They are well documented and I have bitched about them both in the chatroom and on the board. The last few days, expecially since what has happened with my father, I keep going through a "Blow up my life theory" in my own head. By this I mean make complete changes in my life to totally make over what Iam. This theory has included leaving my company and doing something else for work, estranging from my father, and yes, leaving the TMF. Again, this is nothing the TMF mods and chatters have done, you have all been wonderful and I consider you all my online family. It's just, with all this hurt I'm feeling over my dad, I keep having these thoughts of "Screw it, let me blow everything up in my own life". I know Iam thinking out loud, and totally stupid. After all, Iam not going to estrange from my mom if my dad and I no longer talk, or give up my friend of 22 years, Russell, or my friend of 11 years, Barney. These people, like the chatters, have always been my shoulders to cry on whenever I part ways from my father. In all likelihood, Iam talking a lot of hot air, and will neither leave my company or the TMF. After all, especially with the TMF, that would be stupid, why leave my supportive online family who engages in a subject I love, and been so warm, helpful and supportive with all the things I've gone through this year. I feel like an absolute ass for even having these thoughts, and posting it, but this is just how I feel. Have any of you ever had the "Let me just blow up my life and totally change because of things that are now going on" feeling? In reality, the only thing that will probably happen is the estrangement from my father. I feel angry, sad, and hurt about having the other blow up my life feelings, and I also know thats a dangerous habit to have. It would almost be like if I had a wonderful marriage and my business flopped, and I left my wife, or if I had been married now with my father's and my estrangement, and left her due to him. The TMF has been great to me, and as I said, Iam not leaving. These thoughts, though, fill me with despair. I hope I feel differently when my father and I part ways. To sum up, if anyone cares, I wont be going anywhere, because I would be stupid to leave such good people in my life, just because I will be forced to estrange myself from a bad person who has caused me nothing but pain since I've been here, and for many years before that.
Mitch
P'S Just so you all know, I had the same feelings last winter about my team, the Braves, when they made all those changes, and I thought they were going to be bad in 2003. I may end up having similar feelings about them this year, since they plan to make more moves this winter. I know we have to accept change even when it hurts. For me, with the TMF, even though some of the names have changed, the concept is the same, and for the most part, I'm happy here, so just because I go through change, doesnt mean I have to leave. Again, I look at it as the marriage theory, although it is different. I have old fashioned values of being married for life, and wouldnt leave my wife because she changed her hair or the color of her toenails. Change is to be expected, and as mature adults, we deal with it, learn to adapt and move on.
Everyone on here knows of my business and personal problems this year. They are well documented and I have bitched about them both in the chatroom and on the board. The last few days, expecially since what has happened with my father, I keep going through a "Blow up my life theory" in my own head. By this I mean make complete changes in my life to totally make over what Iam. This theory has included leaving my company and doing something else for work, estranging from my father, and yes, leaving the TMF. Again, this is nothing the TMF mods and chatters have done, you have all been wonderful and I consider you all my online family. It's just, with all this hurt I'm feeling over my dad, I keep having these thoughts of "Screw it, let me blow everything up in my own life". I know Iam thinking out loud, and totally stupid. After all, Iam not going to estrange from my mom if my dad and I no longer talk, or give up my friend of 22 years, Russell, or my friend of 11 years, Barney. These people, like the chatters, have always been my shoulders to cry on whenever I part ways from my father. In all likelihood, Iam talking a lot of hot air, and will neither leave my company or the TMF. After all, especially with the TMF, that would be stupid, why leave my supportive online family who engages in a subject I love, and been so warm, helpful and supportive with all the things I've gone through this year. I feel like an absolute ass for even having these thoughts, and posting it, but this is just how I feel. Have any of you ever had the "Let me just blow up my life and totally change because of things that are now going on" feeling? In reality, the only thing that will probably happen is the estrangement from my father. I feel angry, sad, and hurt about having the other blow up my life feelings, and I also know thats a dangerous habit to have. It would almost be like if I had a wonderful marriage and my business flopped, and I left my wife, or if I had been married now with my father's and my estrangement, and left her due to him. The TMF has been great to me, and as I said, Iam not leaving. These thoughts, though, fill me with despair. I hope I feel differently when my father and I part ways. To sum up, if anyone cares, I wont be going anywhere, because I would be stupid to leave such good people in my life, just because I will be forced to estrange myself from a bad person who has caused me nothing but pain since I've been here, and for many years before that.
Mitch
P'S Just so you all know, I had the same feelings last winter about my team, the Braves, when they made all those changes, and I thought they were going to be bad in 2003. I may end up having similar feelings about them this year, since they plan to make more moves this winter. I know we have to accept change even when it hurts. For me, with the TMF, even though some of the names have changed, the concept is the same, and for the most part, I'm happy here, so just because I go through change, doesnt mean I have to leave. Again, I look at it as the marriage theory, although it is different. I have old fashioned values of being married for life, and wouldnt leave my wife because she changed her hair or the color of her toenails. Change is to be expected, and as mature adults, we deal with it, learn to adapt and move on.
