• If you would like to get your account Verified, read this thread
  • The TMF is sponsored by Clips4sale - By supporting them, you're supporting us.
  • >>> If you cannot get into your account email me at [email protected] <<<
    Don't forget to include your username

News About My Mother-It's Not Good At All

Mitchell

Level of Coral Feather
Joined
Sep 9, 2002
Messages
33,545
Points
63
Yesterday I went with my mom for a visit to the cancer doctor. She had taken three tests in March, to determine the status, and course of treatment, of her non-small cell lung cancer, and the news we received was very grim.

My mother has metastsized cancer in both of her lungs, and a suspicious lump on her breast, that will need to be biopsyed. The doctor told us that lung surgery, which is usually his first course of treatment for his patients, is now not an option, because there are tumors in both lungs, and he only does surgery if the tumors are localized in one lung. He said the only option is chemotherapy, once a week, three hours a day. When my mom asked him if she was going to die, the Dr was kind, but honest. He said that about 85% of his patients die from mestastisized lung cancer within two years. He also said that she must have chemotherapy immediately, or she will be gone before the end of 2010. The Dr did say that if the chemo is successful in shrinking the lung tumors, he may be able to do surgery down the road.

Mom pledges that she is going to fight to the end. I'm emotionally preparing myself for the worst. Whatever happens, I just don't want her to suffer. Supposedly, the Dr told her that metastatic lung cancer, is not a "suffering cancer", whatever the heck that means.

As I've posted before, what makes this situation doubly difficult is my situation with my father. With each piece of terrible news my mom and I receive, it seems the news for him gets better, because, as I've posted before, he just can't wait for her to die, so he can best figure out how to spend her alimony check on his wife and himself. When I e-mailed him last night to tell him the terrible news we got from the Dr, he didn't even reply.

We plan to begin chemotherapy here, but my mom is also going to get a second opinion from a Dr in NJ who my aunt had seen on TV.

Right now, the situation looks very grim. Mom is devestated, I'm devestated, and we're both physcially and emotionally exhausted. The scary part is: She doesn't even seem sick. She's not coughing blood, and hasn't lost any weight, although the Dr did say the blood could start again at any time.

So, thats the story. She should make it through 2010 with chemo. 2011, we aren't so sure. I know we have to take life one day at a time.

Any support would be appreciated. Thank you to all those who have reached out to me so far.

Mitch
 
Mom pledges that she is going to fight to the end. I'm emotionally preparing myself for the worst. Whatever happens, I just don't want her to suffer. Supposedly, the Dr told her that metastatic lung cancer, is not a "suffering cancer", whatever the heck that means.

Basically means that it's not like for instance Kahler's disease (bone marrow cancer); she won't spend her last months in excrutiating pain despite immense amounts of morfine; it's over relatively quick without too much hassle.

Anyways, heel veel sterkte.
 
Okay. Thanks for the info. I dont know too much about bone marrow cancer, but, that's a good thing that my mom wont spend her last months in excruciating pain.

Mitch
 
My heart is with you and your mom Mitch.

Many prayers being sent your way. :twohugs:
 
Thanks, Angel. I really appreciate the thoughts, hun.

Mitch
 
:cuddle: So sorry to hear this, Mitch! I'm glad she's getting a second opinion, though. When it comes to a situation like this, some doctors are more willing to go all out in their efforts, knowing that it could buy the person more time. Be sure to communicate all reactions to her oncologist. There are things that can be taken to offset some of that. And, there are many different chemo cocktails that can be tried to find which works best for her. My mom was with us for 5 years after hers (which started in her breast) first hit the lungs. Feel free to PM me as things progress if you need to vent to someone who understands. You both continue to be in thought and prayer.
 
Ann, thank you. You are very kind. We are going to call the Dr that my aunt saw on TV, forward him the reports, and try to see him as soon as possible. I will, of course, tell him to be in touch with mom's Dr.

You mentioned your mom being with you for 5 years after her cancer hit the lungs. It was a blessing that God kept her with you for that long.

Thanks for the PM invitation. I will keep you posted.

Take care,
Mitch
 
Hey Mitch.

You get a lot of support here, but have you considered signing up at CaringBridge? It's a free non-profit organization that provides a place for people going through a serious health crisis and those affected, such as your mother and yourself. The support there is awesome, from what I have seen.

I hope everything works out ok.
🙂
 
bug, thanks. Sloan Kettering is up in NY, so it may be difficult to get there. My mom said she is going to go through the process here first, and then may contact Johns Hopkins in Baltimore. There is also a supposedly renowed doctor in Philadelphia and NJ, who has a special treatment plan that my aunt heard of. We have several options, but will try the local one as a first step.

Angel, thanks, I will look into CaringBridge. Many of these cancer support sites are just forums. What I'd love to find would be a chatroom, where I could chat in real time with other family members and caregivers of cancer patients. Right now, thank God, my mom is okay enough to care for herself. I of course help her with things like garbage, housework, etc, but she can still cook, and get her own food, etc. God willing, that will continue.

Thanks, love feet. I appreciate it, my friend.

Mitch
 
I found this Mitch, there are some chat rooms linked here. I know nothing about them but it might be worth looking into.



http://www.chatmag.com/topics/health/cancer.html


I second this Mitch. I've visted a few of the chat rooms listed here whenever my mother was battling her cancer and I still occasionally pop in to say hi and see how everyone is doing. I met so many great and supportive people.

I know it helped me to have someone to relate to, someone who understood.

Maybe it can help you too my friend should you need/want to explore that route. :twohugs:

And I'm a member of this forum - http://www.healthboards.com/ , lots of info. on there and there are a lot of threads on there regarding cancer, whether it's for patients or for the families of a loved one fighting cancer.
 
Thanks, bug. Thanks, Angel. I sincerely appreciate both of you helping me. I will look into those chats and forums later tonight.

Mitch
 
Mitch, I'm not going to sugarcoat this- chemo's a hard road.

Investigate all of your options. Talk to the doctors yourself. Ask questions! Lots of them. Talk to Mom about the options that you'll be playing with.

My uncle, may he rest in peace, had the large cell, and it metastisized in both lungs. Doctors told him to just live his life...which he did. Last time I saw him was on a visit to Florida four years ago, we all played golf in the rain, having a grand old time. Help your Mom live her life. That's one of the very best things you can do.

You're stronger than you know, Mitch 🙂
 
bill, and 9th. Thanks, guys.

Knox, thanks, my friend. I have talked to every doctor, including the guy yesterday. I talked to him with my mom, and then asked him to speak to me privately, to give me the dreaded "Time frame" situation, which I didnt want my mom to hear. Both of us ask plenty of questions. This Dr said the only option for her now is chemo, but, as I posted before, we will be contacting the Dr in NJ, to see if his treatment program of zapping it out, will work for mom.

I'm sorry to hear your uncle passed away, Knox.

Trust me, I;m trying to help mom live her life. She gets extremely pissed if she sees tears from me, because she feels its a defeatist attitude, and that she wants to focus on life, and not death. Completely understandable. About chemo being a hard road, I know that, but, from what we heard, its less arduous now that it used to be.

Thanks again everyone. The support is appreciated.

Mitch
 
Something either the Dr or nurse struck me as humourous yesterday. As if anything could be humourous in such a terrible situation.

While we were in the Dr's office, someone, either the Dr or nurse, cant recall who, told us that my mom is quote a "high functioning" cancer patient. I know that's a good thing, but I hadn't heard the term "high functioning" since the movie Rain Man, and it just struck me as humourous, for whatever the reason. I hope and pray that my mom will continue to be "high functioning".

Mitch
 
Wow, Mitch, I just saw this--

And I see you've gotten some great advice, I'm not going to be able to improve on that --- (I already duplicated some of it, I see)
You are a very dear person and I don't doubt your mother is too,
I hope some better options present themselves very soon
and some of what others have said about the nature of this type of cancer
is a huge help I hope ---
Please keep me/us updated, and outside the forum too of course ---
With thoughts, prayers & hugs :grouphug: :smilestar

<a href="http://www.glitter-graphics.com"><img src="http://dl7.glitter-graphics.net/pub/2522/2522407rzt4n87yj4.gif" width=300 height=60 border=0></a>
 
Mitchell,

I was moved by your post. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Be strong!!!
 
Last edited:
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. please do keep us posted.
 
Mitch,
I'm also very sorry to hear about this. I lost my sister to adenocarcinoma with mets to the bone and ultimately the brain; she made it about 9 months, and worked up until the week before she died in spite of chemo and radiation.
One thing I would suggest is having everything in order financially and have that end of life talk if you can manage it. I worked as a critical care nurse for many years, and I've seen families trying to get the Dad to sign bank forms on his deathbed because everyone was afraid of talking about it during the previous 2 years since his diagnosis. And sometimes patients end up in ICU with pneumonia who also have end stage cancer and are placed on full life support, tube feedings etc for days/weeks before they die because nobody really knew what the patient would have wanted. It can be really hard to know when we're enhancing someones life or prolonging their death.
I don't mean just your Mom, either. We should all have that talk with our loved ones. Life is unpredictable.
 
Mom pledges that she is going to fight to the end. I'm emotionally preparing myself for the worst. Whatever happens, I just don't want her to suffer. Supposedly, the Dr told her that metastatic lung cancer, is not a "suffering cancer", whatever the heck that means.

So, thats the story. She should make it through 2010 with chemo. 2011, we aren't so sure. I know we have to take life one day at a time.

Any support would be appreciated. Thank you to all those who have reached out to me so far.

Mitch

My thoughts are with you Mitch...🙁 My mother was a two time cancer survivor and I'm sure that it can be beaten. She died of a stroke, not cancer.

Talk to me anytime you need to.
 
Thanks, Babbles. I appreciate it, hun. You are a wonderful friend to me, and I appreciate the support.

Thanks, kate. I am very strong. My mom and I have been through things together, that I cant post about, which people couldnt possibly imagine. Illness and death of a loved one is my weak spot, as I posted in my blog, but I will be there for her, through any treatment, and to whatever happens.

Rosie, I'm so sorry that you lost your sister. As for having everything in order financially, we do. My name is on everything, so if the event of heaven forbid the end, I will be able to take care of things financially.

Angel, thanks. I appreciate it.

scribe, wow. Thats amazing that your mother was a two time cancer survivor. I hope and pray that my mom can survive this, just like your mom did.

Thanks again everyone. It is appreciated.

Mitch
 
What's New
11/2/25
There will be Trivia in our Chat Room this Sunday evening at 11PM EST. Join us!

Door 44
Live Camgirls!
Live Camgirls
Streaming Videos
Pic of the Week
Pic of the Week
Congratulations to
*** brad1701 ***
The winner of our weekly Trivia, held every Sunday night at 11PM EST in our Chat Room
Top