One of my best friends was in the hospital many years ago, recovering from an operation where he had quite a few feet of intestine removed. He shared a room with a guy who just wouldn't shut up, or stop harrassing the nurses or the aides. The ayhole hardly slept, he just kept bothering people, making them come in and fix his pillow, stuff like that. One night the head nurse on the floor came in (a very feminine, yet nose-tackle sized woman), went right up to his bed, and said, "you see this?"
"Yeah, it's a broomstick."
The nurse broke it in half, and remained silent.
"OK, what's the point?" the man asked.
"I'm giving you a choice."
The man paused. "What's the choice?"
"Which end do you want up your ass? The jagged end, or the rubber handle?"
He was silent for the rest of the time my friend had to bunk next to him.