Headsnap
1st Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2004
- Messages
- 2,185
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A horse walks into a pub and takes a seat at the bar. The barman says to him "Why the long face?"
Horse says "Because every time I come in here you ask me the same fucking question."
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along Ainsdale beach when suddenly the Irishman trips over something in the sand. Stooping down to see what it was he finds that it is a magical lamp; immediately all three men rub it and out pops a genie.
"Hello, I am a genie", says the genie somewhat obviously, "I can grant three wishes, but because there are three of you I can only do you one each."
They let the Irishman go first, because he cried and whined like a little child.
"I wish for all Irishmen to be born free from the oppression of the crown", he says, "And for Ulster to return to Irish hands once more, and for all the Irishmen in England to return to the land of Erin, never to have contact again with the Saxons."
"Granted!", says the genie, and the Irishman disappears. The Scotsman goes next, because he is a grumbly jock who huffs and moans if he doesn't get his way.
"I wish for all Scotsmen to be born free from the Union which binds us to the United Kingdom", he says, "And for Scotland to be seperated from England, and for all Scotsmen to be returned free and happy to Scotland never to have contact again with the sassenachs."
"Granted!", says the genie, and the Scotsman disappears Finally he turns to the Englishman, an erudite Saxon chap who has waited patiently in a most gentlemanly fashion, as those of his vastly superior and virile race are wont to do.
"What do you wish for?", he says.
"Hold on a sec", says Tommy, "You mean to tell me that all the fucking whining jocks and bog arabs are out of England once and for all, so we never have to listen to them piss and moan ever again?"
"Err... yes", says the genie. Englishman smiles.
"In that case I'll have a kebab."
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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. There was corn.
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Q. How do you get a Bangladeshi into a microwave?
A. With great difficulty.
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Q. What do you call a black man falling off a cliff?
A. A black man falling off a cliff.
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Q. What do you call a white man going over Victoria Falls in a canoe?
A. An idiot.
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Q. How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One. You clown.
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Horse says "Because every time I come in here you ask me the same fucking question."
******************************
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are walking along Ainsdale beach when suddenly the Irishman trips over something in the sand. Stooping down to see what it was he finds that it is a magical lamp; immediately all three men rub it and out pops a genie.
"Hello, I am a genie", says the genie somewhat obviously, "I can grant three wishes, but because there are three of you I can only do you one each."
They let the Irishman go first, because he cried and whined like a little child.
"I wish for all Irishmen to be born free from the oppression of the crown", he says, "And for Ulster to return to Irish hands once more, and for all the Irishmen in England to return to the land of Erin, never to have contact again with the Saxons."
"Granted!", says the genie, and the Irishman disappears. The Scotsman goes next, because he is a grumbly jock who huffs and moans if he doesn't get his way.
"I wish for all Scotsmen to be born free from the Union which binds us to the United Kingdom", he says, "And for Scotland to be seperated from England, and for all Scotsmen to be returned free and happy to Scotland never to have contact again with the sassenachs."
"Granted!", says the genie, and the Scotsman disappears Finally he turns to the Englishman, an erudite Saxon chap who has waited patiently in a most gentlemanly fashion, as those of his vastly superior and virile race are wont to do.
"What do you wish for?", he says.
"Hold on a sec", says Tommy, "You mean to tell me that all the fucking whining jocks and bog arabs are out of England once and for all, so we never have to listen to them piss and moan ever again?"
"Err... yes", says the genie. Englishman smiles.
"In that case I'll have a kebab."
******************************
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. There was corn.
******************************
Q. How do you get a Bangladeshi into a microwave?
A. With great difficulty.
******************************
Q. What do you call a black man falling off a cliff?
A. A black man falling off a cliff.
******************************
Q. What do you call a white man going over Victoria Falls in a canoe?
A. An idiot.
******************************
Q. How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One. You clown.
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