On Tickling, Shyness, and Self-Denial

[Interrogator]

Hello everyone, and yes, you've guessed it, this is gonna be a long and 'deep' thread. I'm not sure exactly why I'm posting this, discussion is always nice but mainly I just need to get it off my chest. Anyway, onwards to post:

I've been into tickling since I was about 12 (rough guess), actively sought it on the internet at about 14 when I joined TMF and TT (fear not mods I'm 20 now) but have only started getting involved in the community very recently, as in the last year. This is of course due to age restrictions and the like, but also because up until now I've found it incredibly difficult to deal with the idea that I have this fetish at all.

This leads me onto the main point of this post: for me, tickling is something that exists only in the virtual realm and not in the 'physical' world, it is a part of me that is entirely private and, in my mind, has no place in my day to day life.

Allow me to ellaborate. I've never tickled or been tickled by someone who is also into it, or at the very least has known that I am. I've never even met someone who shares it/knows about it. All the 'needs' I've ever had have been satisfied by online means, and that includes communing with like-minded people. As such, the 'tickling' side of me has been, throughout my whole life, limited to a screen in my bedroom, no more real (or relevant) outside of it than World of Warcraft.

This is not to say (before anyone retorts) that no one on here qualifies as real, I've very much enjoyed speaking to people and making friends, however once again it is still limited to the internet; a 'virtual' experience. I've never met anyone from the TMF or any other tickling forum, so to me (no offence) everyone here is simply a name, not a person.

This was the stage I was at about a year ago, I thought that since I had resolved to become more active as a forum member actually meeting like-minded people was now possible, something I had thought about doing for a while. To that end I planned to go to a Tickle-Brits munch in London, I even got as far as the pub it was being held in, but then bottled it at literally the last second. The reason for this, I deduced, was not because I was scared of meeting new people, the Tickle-Brits members planning to attend I knew were friendly from the forum, and the normal obstacles of having to actually admit I had a tickling fetish and being unsure of their reaction simply didn't apply. The problem was that attending the munch and talking to like-minded people would have added a 'reality' to tickling which I didn't want, or was at least unprepared for. It wasn't that I was shy, it was that I genuinely didn't want to talk about it. As will be the case for many here, I am too embarrassed about my fetish to even utter the word in normal conversation, but that is because I fear the negative reactions if the truth were to emerge. Amongst understanding fellow fetishists it shouldn't be a problem should it? It seemed that meeting people brought the virtual, or rather private out into the open, something which I really didn't want.

This then leaves me at my present juncture. I've yet to make any realistic attempt to meet anyone from here or another tickling forum firstly because I fear that I'll go cold about the idea at the last minute as I did before, but also because I've started to doubt whether I really need to. I'm sure many on here can testify to the joy thats to be had by living out your fantasies, and I believe you, but I've had meaningful relationships without tickling, and if it is something that can be confined to the 'virtual' realm, then what need is there to let it impact your normal life, potentially for the worse? Its perfectly possible that I'm simply unwilling to admit to myself that I'm not 'normal' which is why meeting people is so much of a hurdle, or maybe its simply a result of being fairly new, young and inexperienced...

This still of course remains in the context of sharing my fetish with a vanilla girlfriend, or meeting fellow ticklers at a gathering or munch etc. I remain interested in meeting people (or rather girls 😉 ) for one-on-one playing, but since this would inevitably involve talking about tickling I'm unsure why it should be any different than discussing it at a munch etc, I'd take a guess that it's because it would still remain essentially private, so may in fact be a result of either shyness or paranoia after all.

Anyway, self-reflection has got me thus far, if you've got to this point then thanks for reading this fairly convoluted piece, comments welcome.

 

[tkldan]

Jinkies!

 

[Wise-Tickler]

Wow, deep thread indeed.

I can relate to you quite a bit. I tense up when the word 'tickle' comes up in a conversation amongst friends, I try to avoid giving an input, or anything like that when that situation arises. When I hear/see tickling on the TV (for instance), I can't help but feel embarrassed, and end up tensing up, as if the people in the room know about my fetish, when I clearly know they don't. I'm too embarrassed to even mention the word irl, I hate thinking about it during conversations, I always tend to think that if I give the slightest input - they'll catch onto my fetish.

I also agree with your 'everyone here is simply a name, not a person.' statement. I don't post here often, so I haven't really made any friends here (lol I'm a loner ^.^), at the same time, I find it interesting to read other people's experiences, opinions, etcetera, but when it boils down to it, I know nothing of that person irl, so to me, in your words, they're just a name at the end of the day.

I don't know how to treat my fetish. Everytime I visit this site (or TickleTheater, or any tickling videos on YT), I completely destroy every trace of history on my browser. I don't want people finding out, I don't think my family needs to know, it has no effect on their life. I don't think my friends need to know, it is of no benefit to them (in my opinion). I guess I worry about opening up to a significant other (such as a gf), why? Idk. Rejection, being labeled as a weirdo, I really don't know. But through that, I know that I'll have to come out with it. All of this seclusion from others isn't healthy, makes me feel almost dark. I know that I will have to tell a loved one, it's obviously important to me, it gets me going (Not into any form of porn tbh, it just does nothing for me*).

I don't think I'll ever end up attending any TMF gatherings, not because I don't want to put faces to these 'names', it's just because I'm uncomfortable discussing it irl, no matter who I'm with. Awkward, I guess?

So yeah, that's my view. I like this thread tbh.

* = I'm straight, first off. Secondly, I've a foot fetish. Finally, I've never actually done porn properly, I've seen a few videos on friends' phones when I was younger - it did absolutely nothing for me. I've always loved my fetish (and at the same time, disliking it in a way for reasons above, a love-hate type of thing) because it's innocent. Feet are concealed in general, you do get a chance to see them on a daily basis though, so it's easier to..satisfy? I guess. Same with tickling, though it might be frowned upon as a fetish by people who don't understand it, it's innocent, and easy to like..fall into.

 

[Ashleyyy]

I used to be the same way as Wise. But since I opened up with my bf it's been the best thing for me, I thoroughly enjoy it included in our relationship. Before I wouldnt give na input if it came up as a topic, but now I've no problems with it. =]

 

[tickles]

I too can totally relate to your feelings. I remember feeling shame especially as a child when someone would tickle me. I could NOT enjoy it. I was so afraid that the tickler would know HOW much I liked it so I would will it away. I think this has carried over to my adulthood and interfered with some experiences that I've tried to have even with other tickle people. I almost feel embarrassed, it's crazy because I can't rationalize around it either. I know I need a ler that would be very patient with me....you likely would need the same. Someone who would not expect a lot the first time and understand these very strange feelings....give me time to relax feel accepted by them...I'm so envious of those that can truly just be tickled by anyone...

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Interrogator, what you should do here is make a friend. A good one. Build the relationship (gender's not necessary to make a good, close friend here). That friend could be that portal to the community; one that you, in time, will feel comfortable with.

Rome wasn't built in a day, to belabor that tired cliche, but then, the trip of a thousand miles begins with a single step, to belabor another one.

Good luck!

 

[Interrogator]

Interrogator, what you should do here is make a friend. A good one. Build the relationship (gender's not necessary to make a good, close friend here). That friend could be that portal to the community; one that you, in time, will feel comfortable with.

Rome wasn't built in a day, to belabor that tired cliche, but then, the trip of a thousand miles begins with a single step, to belabor another one.

Good luck!

Thanks man, good advice. And you can never have too many cliches

 

[Vae]

Interrogator --

What you expressed is something I think we all go through. Some take longer than others (I took years -- from about age 19 through 25). It's a part of acceptance when you have a fetish, any fetish. The names versus reality is just a layer of protection; if I don't admit these people are real, then I don't have to admit that my fetish is real either. There is nothing wrong with this mindset; it takes time for it to grow into acceptance.

My advice is to not push yourself and allow the acceptance you're going to have come naturally. It took me years to even open up to people on here about my fetish. I made friends with two people (Flatfoot and Biscuit) who really helped me come to terms with what I liked, what I didn't. I agree with Knox -- make friends here. You'd be amazed with the different perspectives and you'll also realize that most of us are grotesquely normal people.

Take baby steps. Self-denial, shyness, embarrassment are all apart of the process. If you didn't have it, it means you're not thinking. You're obviously thinking a lot and you're very well-spoken about where you stand. Fling a PM to someone (including me. I don't bite, promise). Learn about where you are with it and realize, in time, tickling is no big deal. It's just a word, a sensation, a reaction. Your body responds to it and that's cool, because when you find the right person to share it with, your sex life will never be boring.

And that's the coolest part. Remember it's a part of you and you should never be ashamed of who you are. Baby steps. Make friends. Say hello. Don't force yourself to munches if you're not ready for it (I've known about this fetish for 12 years now and have never gone to a meet up). It gets easier and more comfortable, I promise.

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Vae, I think you make a lot of really valid and great solid points. Yeah I also agree with you that this kink of tickling or the kinks that make up a person on what he or she enjoys should not be a thing of shame or something to hide. It is just a natural part of who a person is and what he or she enjoys and finds exciting, fun, and a turn on. I think you are right, it is wise and a good idea to proceed by taking small baby steps and slowly get to know other people, mingle and make friends-find those you discover common ground with, share similar hobbies and interests-laugh and have a fun time with-good to develop solid friendships with others-that helps greatly to help one feel that he or she is not alone.

I agree with you a person who might be shy or might be hesistant at first-might have some personal reservations about munches/gatherings-should take it slowly and take baby steps and get to know others slowly and try to establish friendships -definitely not press things and let friendships and the tickling happen naturally. Most importantly you need to do and stay true to what makes you feel comfortable-take it slow and let things happen at their own pace. This is a great thread to the one who created it, thanks for creating it hope this helps others. I am sure it will.