People who mislead you into thinking they're really your "friend"

[TheRhythmDoctor]

Ok, people...tell me if this has ever happened to you:

I just got done a few moments ago talking to somebody on Yahoo Messenger (nobody from here, by the way). This person in particular is somebody with whom I've been chatting with for about a year or so. We've seen each others webcams, we voice chatted, we've done this, we've done that.. etc etc.. We chat constantly...almost every single night. We've had discussions on numerous topics; it even seems like we were getting closer and closer with each conversation. She lives in the Deep South, I live in the Northeast. We've never met each other face to face; and she's even said to me that she also has been wondering what it would be like if she and I met in person.

That was then, this is now. Tonight, I dared asked her if I should maybe plan a trip to her city so that the both of us could meet for the first time.

This is her response (edited):

"hmm. if you want...but i don't meet people from the internet.. sorry..i will not meet a guy on the internet...i don't believe in that...because I don't trust people..i have a very bad problem with trusting people at the moment...and i want to be able to met a guy face to face.. then on the internet...you are a friend.. just like anyone else on the internet...i'm not here to Meet anyone"

Her reasons for not meeting people from the internet, very understandable. However I must admit that I was very shocked when I read the above instant message. I was kind of hoping to maybe meet her someday.

Anyway, I had to abruptly end the conversation (because of all this...plus I had to sign off anyway, coincidentally).

If you were in this situation, how would you go about handling it? What would you say to her? Would you terminate the friendship or keep it going?

RD

 

[sole seeker]

In my opinion, when two people differ in what they want out of the relationship it generally doesn't work. The only way to make it work for now is for (you) the one who wants more, to be content to stay within the boundaries set by (your friend) the one who wants less.

It is possible she will change her mind over time, but I doubt it. By this time she knows you as well as she's going to without meeting.

Personally, I couldn't accept a more limited relationship with someone than I wanted. I've tried to just be friends with girls I wanted to date in the past. I wasn't able to pull it off. I found the situation too frustrating.

But that's me, you may fare better than I. Just remember to protect yourself emotionally when dealing with her, if you continue to do so. Good luck either way.

 

[ShiningIce]

That really sux, I feel for you.

 

[46and2]

Don't let it get you down bro! Just accept that this relationship isn't going to go any further then it is, the balls in her court if she wants to change that. She's not the only woman in the world.
-Phil

 

[Krokus]

well..

There are many more fish in the sea...find you a nice girl who aint' so insecure. 😉 ...it will work out.

 

[Stitch62679]

If she never told you that from the start and it's been a year! I'd feel a bit lead on, probably wouldn't talk to her the same way after that...I'd be more hi/bye oriented.

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

If she never told you that from the start and it's been a year! I'd feel a bit lead on, probably wouldn't talk to her the same way after that...I'd be more hi/bye oriented.

Hmmm, I kinda have to agree with Stitch. But others also made a good point too. If y'all have been talking via phone, chat and the messenger for a year...and now that you mention wanting to meet her and she puts on the breaks. I would probably remain friends but let her make the next move. Whether it be over the Internet, but hopefully she'll call you because she misses you.

Did y'all not talk aboutt this in all the time that you talked...I mean about meeting someone of the Internet?

I would back off, wait and see what her next move is. There are plenty of women out there, try not to let it get you down. 🙁 That is easy for us all to say, but you found her🙂 you can find some that will be just right for "YOU" 🙂
Wishing you all the best Doc🙂

 

[phfttklr]

Hey RD, I've dated a few women from an online dating service and
I've always made it a point to let them decide when to meet. I know it has to be scary for a person(especially a woman)to meet, not that a woman can't be nuts either, lol. It sounds like she had a bad experience with meeting an online person. I would agree with the others here about letting her make the next move but, if you don't write back to her, it might look like that was all you wanted. Get back to her and let her know that it's o.k. if she just wants to talk some more and if she ever wants to meet, let her tell you. I would suggest going on to maybe meeting someone closer if possible but, as long as you two have something in common, keep up the chatting. I enjoy talking with the people here and they are from all over so... I don't know the rest of your conversations with her, whether she lead you on to believe the two of you would meet or if it was just an assumption on your part or a combination of both. Maybe she just liked talking to you but no physical attraction, that, you would have to ask her. After a year, I would say if she's not comfortable yet, she probably won't ever be. If nothing else, just enjoy the conversations and the friendship and move on.

I hope this helped you. Take Care and Good Luck.🙂

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Maybe you just surprised her and she just isn't ready.
Sometimes it takes women a little while longer to feel comfortable about things. Keep the friendship and let her be the one to ask to see you if she ever changes her mind.

You never know. She may, or she may not. Don't let it get you down.

Smile
Sunriseticklee


P.S. On the flip side there is another person in the deep south that you just added to your friend's list, and of course she added you to hers.

She would very much like to be more aquainted with you and would definitely like to become a better friend. 😀

 

[TheRhythmDoctor]

UPDATE

I just chatted with her again. I decided to be honest with her, so I told her how what she said to me really made me feel (like crap). This resulted in an argument...then it got worse...

The friendship is over, permanently. 🙁

Thanks to those of you who replied to this thread with your suggestions, comments and concerns.

RD

 

[Stitch62679]

I'm sorry to hear that RD, I sincerely hope that you'll find a better experience with this in the future.

 

[bticklishfeet]

sorry to hear about this RD, did she know what happened here at TMF about one of the members being harmed? If so, maybe that had something to do with her reason I don't know. I know I was concerned and asked for my picture to be removed because of what happened to QBWeaver's friend, and I stopped talking to this guy I was talking to because he was getting too pushy. Trying to rush things and that scared me off! 🙁

You will find someone RD I am sure, don't give up!🙂

 

[ausboi13]

people shouldn't get so involved online

i feel sorry for the person that you taked to. it is your fault that you lead yourself to believe that there was something going on. it is sad that will post things like this. If that happened to me i wouldn't even bring it up cuz i would feel like and idiot for thinking there was really something going on or maybe should have SERIOUSLY asked her how she felt. next time try not to get so involved with someone you have never meet in your life.

Editied for golden rule violations by Myriads