1. "The grass is always greener on the other side."
Ok, if the grass is always greener on the other side, then the person with the greener grass would think that his or her grass isn't green enough, so nobody is happy.
2. "The more it hurts, the better it is for you."
Person who came up with this quote should have their dick put through a meat grinder.
3. "Well, that's just your opinion."
Um, no shit, who else's opinion would it be? Anytime anyone is ever around somebody who disagrees with you, the come back "well, that's just your opinion." comes up. It's as if their opinion is in jeapordy because you disagree with them and they feel to have to constantly remind you that you only speak for yourself.
4. "Hair doesn't make the man."
This is something that only bald people say. You never hear men with the perfect head of hair or women with the man with the perfect head of hair blabbing this one.
5. "No offense, but..."
This quote REALLY drives me up the wall. If you are my friend, I would respect you more if you flat out tell me:
James, you smell.
James, you're a hairy ape.
James, you're an asshole.
James, you have a small penis.
To me saying "no offense, but..." before insulting me is actually even more insulting. If I hear this again from someone, I will not offend them by shoving my small penis up their asses.
6. "Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."
Or rape in an alley.
7. "I like it when you play with my hair."
Women never play with the hair on my back so why should I play with yours?
8. "Are you awake and/or sleeping?"
If you feel you have to ask me this question than you shouldn't be talking to me. Go kill yourselves.
9. "just because."
Um, that's all? I'd like an explanation damn you!
10. "James, up for school you lazy ass!"
Thank you for the morning wake up call Dad, I really appreciate it. No, it's not being called a lazy ass that gets me red, IT'S WHEN I HEAR THIS ON MY DAYS OFF FROM SCHOOL!!! Get with the Jewish holidays daddy-o.
11. "may or may not be"
What are you talking about may or may not be?? I may or may not, most likely may, round-kick you to the face Chuck Norris style.
12. "Where's my tip?"
Alright, it's bad enough your service to me sucks and even a travesty that I have to pay you for it, and you have the nerve to ask a tip from me? Tell me, would you tip the following:
- a maid who does a half-assed job and leaves your jerk off stains on the sheets from 3 days before.
- a waitress who messes up your order 3x and still didn't bring me my ketchup; even though i didn't ask for it.
- a delivery man who brings you the wrong food order, goes back to the restaurant and corrects it, but upon return demands i give him a double tip for his extra service
The following people demanded a tip from me when I gave no intention on giving one. I might have given them one because I am a kind person, but when you demand a tip from me it is another story. The next time a delivery man demands a tip I should just stand motionless at the door until he either walks away or dies at my doorstep.
13. "James, can I please borrow some money?"
Let's not even go here.
14. "What time is midnight mass?"
I'm pretty sure it's at 6:50am
15. "You're so FUGLY!!"
OH GOD, this method of sugar-coating naughty words for teenage losers really sets me off. If a person is fucking ugly, go for the gold, no holds barred, never hold back and say you are fucking ugly and not this fugly nonscense please.
16. "James, please I really need to borrow so.."
Snore.
17. "Well, it takes one to know one."
So if I were to call you an idiot and you respond "well, it takes one to know one" all you are saying is that I am an idiot as are you. Way to go Sherlock, you have done nothing.
18. “What about the starving children in Africa?”
What about them? Actually, what about the starving children right here in America? What about the starving children in Asia? What about the starving children in the Middle East? Why are they all left out of this quote?
19. “I’ve said it once and I’ve said it a thousand times…”
No you haven’t, you would have no voice box if you told me this a thousand times. I’m obviously not doing what ever it is so stop talking to me.
20. “Why, you got a date?”
This quote is usually the response you get when you are among relatives and you ask for the time. Your old, bald, fat uncle tells you this just loud enough so everyone around you hears it and they all chuckle and go HEH HEH HA HA at this stupid joke. I don’t want to hear this, I asked for the time and if I hear this again you’re getting nailed to the cross.
21. “Ok, I’m going to be honest with you now…”
Are you implying that you are not lying to me now?
22. “Boys will be boys.”
Until they become transsexuals.
23. “You’re never too big to go over my knee.”
This might change as the child obesity rate in America is on the rise.
24. Me: "Can I go watch MTV?"
Parent: "I’ll MTV you!!"
Me: "Can I go out and eat at McDonald’s?"
Parent: "I’ll McDonald’s you!!"
Me: "Can I go out and fuck this girl?"
Parent: "I’ll fuck you!!"
As you see by convo #3, this is not usually the best way to say not to do something to your children.
25. “James, don’t be smart!”
So you want me to be stupid?
26. “Dude, you’re going bald!”
cocks gun
27. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”
What? What the hell does this mean? If you mean to tell me that there are no special treatment or privileges then fine, but don’t tell me “What’s good for the goose is good for..” ah shut up.
Ok, if the grass is always greener on the other side, then the person with the greener grass would think that his or her grass isn't green enough, so nobody is happy.
2. "The more it hurts, the better it is for you."
Person who came up with this quote should have their dick put through a meat grinder.
3. "Well, that's just your opinion."
Um, no shit, who else's opinion would it be? Anytime anyone is ever around somebody who disagrees with you, the come back "well, that's just your opinion." comes up. It's as if their opinion is in jeapordy because you disagree with them and they feel to have to constantly remind you that you only speak for yourself.
4. "Hair doesn't make the man."
This is something that only bald people say. You never hear men with the perfect head of hair or women with the man with the perfect head of hair blabbing this one.
5. "No offense, but..."
This quote REALLY drives me up the wall. If you are my friend, I would respect you more if you flat out tell me:
James, you smell.
James, you're a hairy ape.
James, you're an asshole.
James, you have a small penis.
To me saying "no offense, but..." before insulting me is actually even more insulting. If I hear this again from someone, I will not offend them by shoving my small penis up their asses.
6. "Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."
Or rape in an alley.
7. "I like it when you play with my hair."
Women never play with the hair on my back so why should I play with yours?
8. "Are you awake and/or sleeping?"
If you feel you have to ask me this question than you shouldn't be talking to me. Go kill yourselves.
9. "just because."
Um, that's all? I'd like an explanation damn you!
10. "James, up for school you lazy ass!"
Thank you for the morning wake up call Dad, I really appreciate it. No, it's not being called a lazy ass that gets me red, IT'S WHEN I HEAR THIS ON MY DAYS OFF FROM SCHOOL!!! Get with the Jewish holidays daddy-o.
11. "may or may not be"
What are you talking about may or may not be?? I may or may not, most likely may, round-kick you to the face Chuck Norris style.
12. "Where's my tip?"
Alright, it's bad enough your service to me sucks and even a travesty that I have to pay you for it, and you have the nerve to ask a tip from me? Tell me, would you tip the following:
- a maid who does a half-assed job and leaves your jerk off stains on the sheets from 3 days before.
- a waitress who messes up your order 3x and still didn't bring me my ketchup; even though i didn't ask for it.
- a delivery man who brings you the wrong food order, goes back to the restaurant and corrects it, but upon return demands i give him a double tip for his extra service
The following people demanded a tip from me when I gave no intention on giving one. I might have given them one because I am a kind person, but when you demand a tip from me it is another story. The next time a delivery man demands a tip I should just stand motionless at the door until he either walks away or dies at my doorstep.
13. "James, can I please borrow some money?"
Let's not even go here.
14. "What time is midnight mass?"
I'm pretty sure it's at 6:50am
15. "You're so FUGLY!!"
OH GOD, this method of sugar-coating naughty words for teenage losers really sets me off. If a person is fucking ugly, go for the gold, no holds barred, never hold back and say you are fucking ugly and not this fugly nonscense please.
16. "James, please I really need to borrow so.."
Snore.
17. "Well, it takes one to know one."
So if I were to call you an idiot and you respond "well, it takes one to know one" all you are saying is that I am an idiot as are you. Way to go Sherlock, you have done nothing.
18. “What about the starving children in Africa?”
What about them? Actually, what about the starving children right here in America? What about the starving children in Asia? What about the starving children in the Middle East? Why are they all left out of this quote?
19. “I’ve said it once and I’ve said it a thousand times…”
No you haven’t, you would have no voice box if you told me this a thousand times. I’m obviously not doing what ever it is so stop talking to me.
20. “Why, you got a date?”
This quote is usually the response you get when you are among relatives and you ask for the time. Your old, bald, fat uncle tells you this just loud enough so everyone around you hears it and they all chuckle and go HEH HEH HA HA at this stupid joke. I don’t want to hear this, I asked for the time and if I hear this again you’re getting nailed to the cross.
21. “Ok, I’m going to be honest with you now…”
Are you implying that you are not lying to me now?
22. “Boys will be boys.”
Until they become transsexuals.
23. “You’re never too big to go over my knee.”
This might change as the child obesity rate in America is on the rise.
24. Me: "Can I go watch MTV?"
Parent: "I’ll MTV you!!"
Me: "Can I go out and eat at McDonald’s?"
Parent: "I’ll McDonald’s you!!"
Me: "Can I go out and fuck this girl?"
Parent: "I’ll fuck you!!"
As you see by convo #3, this is not usually the best way to say not to do something to your children.
25. “James, don’t be smart!”
So you want me to be stupid?
26. “Dude, you’re going bald!”
cocks gun
27. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”
What? What the hell does this mean? If you mean to tell me that there are no special treatment or privileges then fine, but don’t tell me “What’s good for the goose is good for..” ah shut up.
